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KtLiaaiMHau WHuSfE yCytXj SKV : .IT...-1 rf?i:r I- 1 ft -f 1 r r . s li N l: s l(B i l-i1 Ik U :i . l J .,: THE REGISTER. PUBLISHED EVERY SATURDAY.! ALLISON & PERKINS, PcBUSira. IOLA, ALLEN COUNTY, KANSAS. TERMS-TWO DOLLARS PER YKAB. OFFICIAL PAPER OP COUHTY. fSustitess girectonj. NATIONAL, GOVERNMENT. President Ulysses 8 Grant Vice-President Henry Wilson Chief Justice . ...Morrison tt Waite Secretary of State Hamilton Fish Secretary of the Treasury. ...... .... B H Bnstow SecretaiTof War. ...Wm W Belknap ttecretarjr of the Navy .....GeoMUobtson Secretary of the Interior Columbus Delano Attorney General Edwards Pierrepont Postmaster General ...Marshall Jewell Speaker of the House James G Blaine Clerk or the Senate Geo C Gorham Clerk or the House Edward McPnerson STATE GOVERNMENT. Governor Thomas A Osbom Lieutenant Goremor. MJ Salter Secretary of State.... .T II Cavanatwh State Treasurer Samuel LamiiU Attorney General AM F Randolph SUte Auditor DW Wilder Sup't Public Instruction.. .JotanFraser COUNTY OFFICERS. ITWTalcott District Judge N;F Accra............. ..Probate Judge Wm Thrasher County Treasurer II A Xeedham, County Clerk G SI Brown.. Register of Deeds J II Richards,.. County Attorney C!M Simpson, Clerk District Court J E!Bryan. .Superintendent Public Schools J L Woodln, Sheriff Lyman Khoades, Surveyor D Horville, ) A WIowland, ..... Commissioner Isaac Bonebrake, J CITY OFFICERS. r.C Jones, Mayor k Boyd, Police Judge G W Apple, JHlUebards, Conncllmen W II Richards, I C M Simpson, J John Francis, Treasurer W J Sapp Clerk James Simpson, Street Commissioner John H WOlis Marshal CHURCHES. .METHODIST EP18COPAT1 Corner of Jefferson avenue and Broadway St. Scrvica etery sabbath at 10i a. m. and 7 p.m. Prayef.eeUng Thursday evenings at 7 p. m. ul H. K. Mcni, Pastor. PRESBYTERIAN. Corner Madison avenue and Western street. Services 10)f a. ill. and 7 p.m. Sunday School at V.'i a. ru. S. G. Clam, Pastor. BAPTIST. On Svcaraore street. Services every Sabbath at 10a.hi.and7p.m. l"rayer meeting on Thurs day evening. Church meeting at 2 p. za. on Saturday brture tlie first Sabbath in each month. Sabbath School at 9,'a o'clock a. m. C. T. Floyd, Pastor. Secret Societies. IOLA LODGE, NO. 38, A. F. & A. Masons meets on the first and third Saturaays in every month. Brethren in good standing are invited aitenu. 11. . aaiaji it . . i. J. N. Wiinx, Sec'y. IOLA LODGE, NO. 21, I. O. of Oild Fol. lows hold t heir regulai met4inrs everv Tile day evening, in their ht.Il. next door north ol the post office. Visiting brethren in good standing, are invited to attend. a m. simpsox, x. u W. C. JoxEd, Sec'y. i Hotels. LELAND HOUSE. BD. ALLEX, Proprietor. IOLA, Kansas. . This house has been thoroughly repaireil mid relltted and is now the most desirable place in the city for travelers to stop. J'o pains will be imred to make the guests of the Lcland feel at home. Baggage transferred to and from Depot free of charge. . CITY HOTEL, R 1CIIARD PROCTOR, Proprietor. Iola, Kitniua. Sinirle meaU 23 cents. Day board ers one dollar per day. 3 ttornens. NELSON F. AOERS, ATTORNEV AT LAW, Iola, Allen county, Kanws Has the only full and complete set of Abstracts of Allen county, . FRANK W. BARTLETT, ATTORNEY AT LAW, Iola, Kansas. Monev . to loan on long time and at low rates on well unproved farms in Allen county. 0 J. C. Miriiiuir. J. II. Richards, County Attorney. MURRAY & RICHARDS, A TTORXEYS AND COUNSELORS AT LAW X Money in sums from VHM 00 to .I.OJO 00 loaneil on long time upon Improved Farms in Allen, Anderson, Woodson, and Neosho coun ties. Physicians. M. DeMOSS, M. D., OFFICE over Jno. Francis A Co.'s Drugstore Residence on Washington avenue, 2nd door south Neosho street. A. J. FULTON, M. D. L. C. P. S. Ont. Canada, graduate Jefferson Medical College, Philadelphia, member of the Alumni Association Jefferson College, Physician Surgeon and Acconcher. Office and residence over Beck's grain and feed store. IwU. Kan. IHiscellaneous. L. L. LOW, 'KNERAL AUCTIONEER. Iola, Kansas. I" Cries sales in Allen and adjoining counties. H. A. NEEDHAM, COUNTY CLERK. Conveyancing carefully done, and acknowledgement, taken. Maps and plans neatly drawn. . J. N. WHITE, T TNDERTAKER, Madison avenue, Iola, Kan LJ os. Wood coffins constantly on hand and Hearse always In readiness. Metalic Burial Cases furnished on short notice. " H. REIMERT TAILOR. Iola, Kansas. Scott Brother', old stand. Clothing made to order in the latest and lwt styles. Satisfaction guaranteed. Clean ing and repairing done on short notice. J. E. THORP, BARBER SHOP on Washington avenue first door south of L. L. Northrup.. Fuel, Prod uce and Vegetables of all kinds taken in exchange for work. Also, a few good second-hand Razors for sale cheap; also a fine quality of HairOU. D. F. GIVENS, WATCHMAKER, JEWELER, AND CLOCK Reiairer, at the imstoffice, IoU, Kansas. Clocks, Watches and Jewelry, promptly and niiiv nimirpd and warranted. A fine assort ment of Clocks, Jewelry. Gold pens and other xancy amcies, wuicn www vw. ( STATE OF KANSAS, Au.cs Cocktv. ) W. C. Jones Plaintiff, vs. JosiahUoagland Defendant. ) Before H. II. Pulver, J. P., of Iola Township In said County. The alKive nimed Josiah noagland will take notice that on the SJIh day of August, 1S73, I sued out before the above named J. P. against liimuUd Jiuiah lloairlandnn onlrr of attachment for the sum of SVS.00 and that sold cause is set for bearing seiitemiier l.m, !". ai 1 1 o-cium a. m 33 jw ' W. C. JOXES, Plaintiff. THE IOLA REGISTER. VOLUME IX. AN INFLATED COCKTAIL. Mr. Kelley's LessoH ia Fiaaaee fro: m a uarEeeper. From the New York World.) Chicago, Aug. 15. Mr. Kelley, whom Mr. Morton does not scruple to call "a gushing, sloppy tourist," ia out here en deavoring to bring the people of the Northwest to s realizing sense of the ne cessity for an issue of more currency. Rather an amusing and interesting oc currence transpired during his visit Which baa not found its way into-the local prits, but that the JForW may deem worthy of publication. On the morning after his great inflation speech Mr. Kelley felt athlrst, and walking down into the bar of the Tremont house bade the attendant barkeeper mix him a whisky cocktail. While the barkeeper was compounding the liquor, syrup, bitters, ice and water in due proportion, he remarked, "You're Senator Kelley, ain't you V "I am ; but don't be afraid, young, man, don't be afraid," affably replied the great statesman. "I thought yon was," said the artist in liquors ; "I heard yon make a bully speech last night up to Mccormick's HalL Was that all true you told us about them bonds, and more greenbacks, and that other shenanigan, eh?" "True?" said the apostle of inflation ; "of course it was true. I am a man of principle, young man, a man of strict principle." "Keerect," replied the barkeeper, as he poured the completed cocktail in an amber arch into the glass and filled a tumbler with water. Mr. Kelley tasted the beverage. "See here, Johnny," he said, "that cocktail doesn't rise and take me by the throat as much as it should ; I want it to be all to me the name implies. Just make it stronger and give it to me in a bigger glass, will you ?" The barkeeper promptly transferred the contents into a water tumbler and added about twice the quantity of water. Mr. Kelly observed somewhat testily ; "Hello! hello I What are you doing, eh ? I want a bigger drink, more of a cock tail, you know.' The barkeeper smiled apologetically, and, begging Mr. Kelley's pardon, emp tied the diluted cocktail into a weiss bierglas, which he brimmed with water. There was an ocean of fluid faintly ting ed with a pinkish amber, on the surface of which floated a shred of lemon-peel. The barkeeper pushed the glass over to his customer, and, affably resting both hands on the counter, asked him how that suited him. Mr. Kelley first rubbed his eyes and then pinched himself, to be sure that he was himself and awake ; then lowered his spectacles, and inspected the bar keeper, narrowly. "Young man," he said at last, in his most solemn tones, "do you call that a cocktail ?" "Do I call thata cocktail T' he replied, pityingly; "what'n blazes do you call it? That's the best cocktail the world ever saw. There's whisky in it, there's gum in it, there Angostora bitters in it, there's lemon peel in it, there's water in it, there's ice in it, and don't they make a cocktail? Besides, it's called a cocktail, just as a dollar is called a dollar, and don't that make it a cocktail? You can do anything with that cocktail that you could do with any other cocktail ; you can drink it, yon can pay for it ; don't that make it as good as any other cock tail? What do you take me for? Haven't I read your speeches?" "But," gasped Mr. Kelley, growing very red in the face, "there's too much water in it." "Too much water !" rejoined the bar keeper. "Why, you must have so much water in a cocktail, anyhow, mustn't you? You get your whisky like what you financial sharps call a reserve, and then you issue your cocktail on that basis. You see, you have an elastic cocktail a cocktail that adapts itself to the wants of a customer. If he wants a strong drink he don't want much water ; if he wants a long drink I'll inflate his cocktail till its volume equals his neces sities. I tell you I've studied up this here financial problem." "But, but," stammered Mr. Kelley, "there isn't a drop more whisky all the while, and every drop of water you add weakens and spoils it." "That can't be," rejoined the barkeep er. "It's just like finance. Whisky's wealth and cocktail's currency. If you can expand your currency without any increase of your wealth and do no harm, why can't you innate this cocktail up to a hogshead full and let all them bum mers out in the street have a good square nip?" "You don't understand," replied Mr. Kelley. "It's different in financial mat ters. There, there is the relief afforded by my 3.65 inconvert " "Iknow.it, 1 know it," briskly an swered the barkeeper; "I tell you, Mr. Kelley, your head's level. Now, here is my interconvertable cocktail." Thus saying, he poured half of the contents of the weiss-bier glass into another weiss bier glass, then continued : "Now, this tumbler is the bonds,. and this tnmbler is the greenbacks. When you want a ' long drink, you pour into this tumbler as much out of the other one as you wish if you want a short drink, you pour some out of this tumbler into the other one. It's a big thing." Mr. Kelley .was in despair. The barkeeper continued: IOLA, ALLEiT "You see I want to return to a whis ky basis, but I wish to do so without in jury to the business interests oi ine country. Now, if you will wait till the water evaporates and leaves the whisky " Here Mr. Kelly smote the counter with his cane. "Look here," he rhout ed, "In spite of yoUf expanding the vol ume of that drink, and humbugging trie with idiotic inconvertible cocktails, and talking about returning to a whisky basis without deranging my interests, don't you see you howling ass, that that's the same weak, thin, diluted, mawkish, tasteless abominable slush, all the time ? I want an immediate return to whisky resumption and no steps backward." "Keerect, Judge," replied the bar keeper as he threw the inflated cocktail into the sink, "we'll repudiate this, as they always do." And he mixed anoth er cocktail on a whisky basis. "But," he said, "s'pose you nadn't had another 15 cents, or that all the whisky in the house had been in that cocktail, where'd you have been, eh?" Mr. Kelley smiled, and invited the barkeeper to join him. The latter com plied and took a little gin, syrup and bitters. Mr. Kelley drank of his cock tail, paid for the drinks and taking a clove was about to depart, when an after thought seemed to occur to him. He turned back and said : '-See here, Johnny you're a smart young fellow, and T ve enjoyed your con versation very much ; but then you see the financial problem U a thing that people can't exactly understand in all its ramifications without a special education a training, you know. Of course it affects all people, but-jill people can't understand it ; it isn't to their interest that they should. If everybody knew all about it there'd be n Kellers and Logans and Inter-Occant and Enquirer. It's like cocktails, you know. Every man drinks them, but every man can't mix them. If they could there'd be no barkeepers. Understand? And, Johnny, perhaps you'd better not say anything about this little conversation of ours to anybody. You see, perhaps, it would hurt the business of the house, and the proprietors don't like to have politics discussed. Good-bye." "So-long," remarked the barkeeper, and, as the Judge's form vanished up the stairway, he closed one eye respectfully, and took three jig-steps with an expres sion of the deepest reverence. Did He Succeed ? Somewhat less than forty years ago there moved among the students of Yale College a young man, poorly dressed, but princely in bearing and in mind. He was bred in the country, among humble surroundings, but be was a gentleman from the crown of his head to the soles of his feet, and in every fibre of his body and mind. Slender, tall, handsome, with an intellectual brow, a fine voice and a Christian spirit, he had every possession of nature and culture neces sary to win admiration, respect ana affection. This man was poor; so, be fore his educational course was com pleted, he was obliged to leave college and resort to teaching for a livelihood ; but, wherever he moved, he won the strongest personal friends. Men named their boys after him. Women regaried him as a model man, and the name of Stillman A. Clemens stood in high honor in all the little communities in which it was known. He was particularly fond of mechanics and mathematics a born inventor, with more than the ordinary culture of the American inventor. He had an exquis ite literary laculty, rare wit, a fine appreciation of humor, and good con versational powers. Indeed, he seemed to be furnished with all desirable powers and accomplishments except those which were necessary to enable him to "get on the in the world." He was born noor. and. the other day, after a life of dreams and disappointments, he died poor. The brown head and beard bad grown grey, the spare figure was bowed, and the end of his life was accompanied by circumstances of torture which need not be detailed here. The life which, for thirty years, had been an unbroken struggle with adversity, went out and the weary worker was at rest The inventor's dreams were always large. They all had "millions in them." First, in an arrangement of centrifugal force for the development of motive power; then in a machine or process for detaching the manilla fibre ; then in a cotton press of unique construction, for compressing cotton so completely at the gin, that it would need no further treat ment for shipping ; then in a flax-dressing machine;, and last, in a rollway which was to displace forever the present railway system, and solve the problem of cheap transportation. In the cotton pressing machine he made an incidental invention, to which he attached no special importance, out of which others have since made the fortune which dur ing all his life, was denied him. He ntrewed his way alone with ideas of immense value to all around him. It is not a year since he read his paper before an association of engineers at Chicago, exposing; in detail his roll-way invention and it ia said that on the morning of his death he was called upon by a cap italist, with reference to subjecting this COUNTY, KANSAS, SEPTEMBER 11, 1875. invention to a practical test. It was a magnificent project, and we hope it may be tried, though he in whose fertile brain it originated is -beyond the satis faction of success and the shame of failure. Well, did our friend succeed, or did he tail ? There were mean men around him who became rich. There were sor did men in the large community in which his later years were spent whose money flowed in upon them by millions. There were brokers and speculators, and merchants and hotel proprietors, and manufacturers, who won more wealth than they knew how to use, while he was toiling for the beggarly pittance that gave him bread, or foundering in the new disappointments with which each year was freighted. They "suc ceeded," as the world would say, but let us see what this man did. He used every faculty he possessed for forward ding the world's great interest. He put all his vitality, all his ingenuity, all his knowledge into his country's service. The outcome is not yet, bnt the outcome is just as sure as the sprouting of a sound seed in good soil. The wealth he did not win will go into the coffers of others. He never sacrificed his manhood. He kept himself spotless. He did not re pent or whine. The man who saw him in his last years found him still the courteous Christian gentleman, bearing his trials with patience, trusting in the infinite goodness, accepting his discipline with more than equanimity, and still hopeful and persistent. He maintained his courage and self-respect. He won and kept his personal friends. He went to bis grave with clean hands, and bis soul ready for the welcome exchange of worlds. He left behind the memory of a character which money cannot build and cannot buy. It was an honor to be. affectionately associated with him. It is a high honor to be called upon to record the lesson of his life, and a high duty to commend it. Did he succeed? Yes, he did; and the community in which rest his prec ious remains could do itself no higher honor than to erect over them a stone bearing the inscription: "Here lies Stillman A. Clemens, who died poor in this world's goods and poor in spirit, but rich in faith, rich in mind and heart, rich in character and all the graces of a Christian gentleman, and rich in the affections of all who knew him utid were worthy of his acquaintance." That he wanted wealth to bestow up on those whom he loved wedonotdoubt. That he wauted it to prove that his dreams were not baseless, is true, we presume. That he dreamed of it among his other dreams would be very natural. The dream has come true. ' "That dream he carried In a hopeful spiri: , Until in death his patient ejcgreiv dim, And the Ucdeemer called him to inherit The haven of weil th long garnered up for him. " "If There are Angels, I Know That Ton Will See 'Em. From the Detroit Free Prcs.) Plain Tom. It might have been more than Tom once, when he was a babe, and had a father and mother, some one to care for him even if they had bnt little love for him. After they died after he was turned out on the wide world to fight his own way ; to hunger for food, to yearn for sympathy and kind words, his name was "Tom." It was name enough for a waif, a ragged, hungry boy, who received more kicks than pennies, and who used to sit on the postoffice steps and try to remember when any one had spoken a kind word to him. The boy sometimes wondered and pondered over the words "sympathy," "mercy," and "charity." He heard peo ple use them the same people who cuffed him about and were content to see him in rags. He thought the words must mean something way off some thing he could not grasp then, hut might approach when he had grown to man's estate. If Tom's voice had sadness and sorrow in it as he cried "shine I" or if it bad exultation as ne cried "morning papers!" no one in the busy throng seemed to notice or care. He realized that he was standing up singlehanded to battle against a great world, and some times when the world struck him down, the boy crept away into an alley to sor row and grieve that he had ever been born. They found a bundle of rags in a pub lic hall-way yesterday morning. The old janitor pushed at the bundle with his broom, and growled and muttered over its being left there by some vagrant. The bundle of rags was Tom. The jan itor bent over him and pushed at him again, and called to him to rise up and go about his business, but the bundle did not move. Tom was dead. One arm was thrown around his boot-box that it might cot be stolen while he slumbered, the other retted on his breast fingers tightly clenched, u if death had come while the boy was resolving to carry on the unequal battle against poverty and a cold world to the bitter end. There should have been sadness in the hearts of those who lifted up the body and sent it away to be buried in the Potter's field, but there was not They were men, to be sure, bat they could not understand how it made iny difference to the world whether it had one waif more or less. They coildn't feel the heartaches which Tom had felt--bis des perationhis grim despair, his bitter, crushing, everyday sorrows. They could have at least uncovered their heads as the body was lifted Up, and said to each other: "He was brave to fight such a battle." But they did not There would have been no word, no eulogy, had not another waif passed the door by chance. He saw the body, recognized it, and as he let bis box fall to the flags that he might brush a tear from, his eye, he whispered : ' "If there are angels I know that Tom will see 'em." And no man shall dare to take from or add to the simple, fearful eulogy. There, will be a shallow grave which will soon sink out of sight and memory, and scarce a month will pass away before even the lad's name will be forgotten by the world the world which prides itself on its charity and mercy, and which let poor Tom stand up alone in his battle for food and raiment and a place to rest his feet, let him creep on to die alone in the shadows of midnight, feeling in his young heart that every man's hand was against him because be was a waif, a ragged, hungry orphan. The Dismissal of MeClellaa. From the Count de Paris' new volume. On the 7th of November, at evening, in a storm of snow early for that climate, McClellan found himself under his tent with Gen. Burnside, when a messenger was announced from the Presideut It was Gen. Buckingham, an officer un known to the Army of the Potomac, who brought an order couched in three lines, and signed by Halleck. This order dis missed McClellan from the command of the army and designated Burnside as his successor. Such a piece of news fell with the suddenness of a thunderbolt on these two officers, whom an old and close friendship united ; but the latter alone showed any emotion at the order, which imposed on him a responsibility to which he had never aspired. After McClellan had read the dispatch without any. visi ble feeling, he passed it to Burnside, simply saying, "You command the army." Burnside resisted for some time. All his friends and his former chief pres sed him to accept; they overcame his scruples which the future was unhappily destined to justify. On the morning of the 8th the army of the Potomac learned with astonishment and grief that it had lost the chief who had formed it, who had first led it to battle, and who had shown it the steeples of Richmond, who on the morrow of a great disaster had restored it to confidence in itself, and who at length had just conducted it to victory. We will not here judge the military career of Gen. McClellan. De spite our sincerity, the reader would see in such an appreciation the reflection of our sentiments of profound gratitude and of faithful friendship for our former chief; but each can form his judgment in accordance with the facts which we have impartially recounted. We only state that the authorities at Washington took every kind of precaution to prevent the soldiers of the Army of the Potomac from giving to McClellan proofs of their sympathy, which would have been too severe a criticism of their decision, and that the news of his departure caused universal joy among the adversaries whom he had so often encountered on fields of battle. How ifbe Won an Emperar. A correspondent thus relates the ro mantic way in which the Empress of Austria captured her Emperor: The Empress is the youngest daughter of Duke Maximilian Joseph of Bavaria, and sister of the ex-Queen Sophia of Naples. Francis Joseph was to have been affianced to the Princess Sophia, to make acquaintance with whom he went to make a visit to his uncle's castle of Possenhoffen, where his four young lady cousins had been born and brought up. The Princess Elizabeth, then in her six teenth year and remarkably beautiful, was not to have been allowed to see the young Emperor, both because on account of her youth she was not supposed to be "out" and also because, being much handsomer than her sisters, the wily Duke desired to secure his Imperial nephew for his eldest daughter before the former should have been allowed to catch sight of his youngest, as he felt very sure that the band of such a beauty as she promised to be would be sought far and wide when it should be in the matrimonial market So the young lady was told that she was to stay with her governess, and not to presume to show herself in the drawing-room during the visit of the Austrian cousin. But being lively, spirited and brimful of curiosity to see the youthful Emperor who had so suddenly succeeded to the troubled but brilliant crown of Austria, the Princess Elizabeth contrived to give her attend ants the slip, and to hide herself in a corrider, along which the Imperial guest who had arrived an hour before, and was then dressing for dinner in the rooms set apart for his reception, would have to pass in going to the banqueting halL As the -young sovereign passed along this corrider the Princess who was watching for him, sprang out of her hiding-place, laughing at the bucccss of her manoeuvre, and crying gaily, "Cousin Franz! Cousin Franz! I wauted to see 370. 37. you and they wouldn't let me, jk I bid myself hera to see you go" by." It ap pears that cupid's bow, so innocently shot oft by the merry girl, who had no thought beyond the gratification of her curiosity to see the grand young cousin, whose quality as Emperor had excited her imagination, went straight to the mark. The young Emperor fell over head and ears in love with the gay and beautiful vision that had presented itself so unaffectedly before him. What pas sed between the two young people has never transpired; but a. few minutes later the Imperial guest entered the drawing-room with his young cousin on his arm, and presented her to the amazed circle of relatives and courtiers who were awaiting his appearance as "the Empress of Austria, my engaged wife." The anger of the elder sisters is said to have been quite lively, as was, quite natural under the circumstances. The young Princess dined that day in the banquettiug hall, seated beside the "Cousin Franz" so suddenly metamor phosed into her "Imperial spouse;" and the Duke, though vexed for the disap pointment of his eldest daughter, had at least the satisfaction of this splendid match secured for his youngest The marriage took place when the Princess had reached the mature age of sixteen, and all her husband's subjects were en chanted with her youthful beauty and her remarkable grace and kindness. A Meaagerie f Draakards. The most foolish predicament a man can get into is to gel drunk. In drunk enness a man shows his strongest side and most ardent passions. There are six kinds of drunkards, and if you go into a city drinking-house, where a number of men are under the influence of liquor, you will be sure to find these six different characters, representing six different animals. The first is the ape drunk; he leaps, and sings, and yells, and dances, making all sorts of grimaces, and cutting up all sorts of "monkey shines," to win the applause of the boys. He's a stunner, but a drunken clowu is very silly. Next we have the tiger drunk. He breaks the bottles, chairs, eta, and is full of blood and thunder. His eyes are red as fire, and his heart is full of vengeance. After breaking everything within his reach he often winds up with a broken neck. Of this sort'are those who abuse their families. The third is the hog drunk. He rolls in the dirt on the floor and "wollers in the mud" in the gutters. He is heavy, lumpish and soggy, and grunts his ac quiescent reply when asked to take a drink. He never misses a drink or pays a cent. Fourthly, we have the puppy drunlr. He will weep for kindness and w(h)ine his love ; hug you in his arms (and pick your pockets if he has half a chance) and proclaim how much he loves jou. He swears "you're the best fellow in the world." "Don't you forget it" The fifth is the owl drunk. He is wise in his own conceit No man must differ from him, for he "will get a head put on him." Generally speaking, when fined by the recorder, an oily tongue gener ally pleads in a begging on style, and he sneaks off like a whipped spaniel. The sixth and last of the show is the fox drunk. He is a crafty sort of a cuss, ready for any sort of a trade, in which he is certain to come out best He is sly as a fox, sneaking as a wolf, and, in fact, the meanest drunkard of them all Almost any night in the week some one of the collection may be seen at the station house. Houilon Telegraph. Harvesting Peaaats. Seed dug after a heavy frost isnot reli able. If dug before frost the vines make excellent fodder for cattle and horses, but the nuts are better filled and heav ier if dug a few days after frost To dig the nuts, use a one-horse "Dixie plow," with peanut blade attached. We run plow deep enough under the plant, so as not to cut off the nuts say five inches deep, using two horses to plow and run one on each side of the row. We let a hand follow, lifting the vines and shak ing the dirt off. Each hand can shake two rows. We throw the vines into heaps as we shake them, placing them carefully one on top of the other for con venience in shocking. Six rows will make a shock row. In the shock, row we drive stakes, seven feet long, sharpened at both ends, and put the stakes down firmly, laying a fence rail on each side of the stakes. A stick of cord wood will make three blocks for the rails to rest on. A twelve-foot rail, or pole, is long enough for four shocks. Shocks should not touch each other. We let the hand that shocks them, shake the vine again as be puts them up, round and round the stick as high as he can reach, settling them well down, and putting on a cap of straw or bay (hay is the best). As much as possible the nuts should go next to the stick, and the vines should be so put on the shock as to shield the nut from snn, and rain. In about four weeks after dig ging, the nuts will be cured enough for hand-picking. Cor. Country Gentleman. A Canadian girl loved a big booby so hard that she wrote him eight letters a day, and now she has to sue him for breach of promise. MATES OF ADVERTISING. StfjkCE.. linen., i Inch.. 3 inch.. 4 inch.. Col.. 1 w. W, il w.l m.-t m.lS m. ITU. 100 ISO 2 001 .iUOW 30830 IUl4 130 too so 3 50 IS 3 30 1 J 00- C SO 10 00 13 00 SOU, 83 0 33 00 DM 100 00 300 400 00 8 SO 13 00 10 OOjIi 00 II 00 17 SO ,is oo a to iW 8 30 10 00.18 OOttt OOtt. Oil woo 10 0J.18 0II 0017 0O 0000 00 0-'TriBient and legal advmlsemcMa must be paid for in advance. I oeal and Special Hotiea, 10 cents a line t All letter in rehuioti to tflMness in any way connected with the nfflce should b addressed to UK Publishers and Proprietors. AtusOft A Peskixs. What a MM wht was With Saeraua HeataArt Re was a rough, farmer-like looking; man, with a scar on his face and a limp in his walk. He sat on a barrel oa the levee, and was reading a newspaper. In the paper was an article front the Vicks burg Herald entitled, "How he felt," and this at tide the rough, farmer-like look ing man had been reading. He studied it intently, and when he had finished threw down his paper, slapped his thigh and remarked vigorously : "Them's my sentiments I That feller that said this American Union is just the biggest thing agoin', and that North and South shud jine in an' forget old scores, and run this round world to suit themselves wuz sound. He wuz sound and might have said more. He might have said that if it wasn't for the blasted carpet-bagera that went there after plunder, an' the old never-say-die fire-eaters who gave the carpet-bagers a shadow of an excuse for their doin's, an' the politicians and one sided newspapers of the North and South exageratin things, we'd all been good friends long afore this. That's what's the matter 1'-' Then the rough-looking old fdloW limped about for a few moments, getting more and more excited, finally breaking out again : "He might have said that the way to become good friends again wuz jest to act nat'ral. It wuz too much fussin' and fixin and talkin' about bein' friends that made us waste years like a pack of darned fools ! He an' I cud hev talked the thing over an' hed it all straight in half an hour; we'd just fit our battles over agin an' each would have admitted tothers pluck, cos each on us had a taste o' teth er's style in the war, an' then we'd shook hands an' been all hunky I . But, no ! the blasted politicians wouldn't let us do it, an' then the newspapers they took sides an' lied agin each other, an' one side said there wasn't any Ku Klux, an' tother said their was't any thievin' carpet-baggers, an' both lied about the other, an' so they fout the thing over again without any object but to make bad feelin's, drat em! An all the while Johnny an' I wanted to be good friends again !" Then the farmer-like man stopped for breath but only for a moment "I fit with Sherman' an' I fit on prin ciple ! I marched ter ther sea with old Pap Tecumseh,' an' I wuz in airnest But when it was ended I hung up the old gun, an' I don't want ter take it down again until I stan' shoulder ter shoulder with the butternuts, makin' it hot for any furrin power that doesn't think the old stars an' stripes is purty 1 I know what a Butternut is, an he's jest Rich another feller as I am, an' together wo are a full team with a yaller dog under the wagon. Oh we couldn't just prance up to Mexico or Canada, or any other place? Oh no!" Then the old fellow picked up his pa per and tucked it in his pocket, chuck ling as he walked off : "I'd like to meet that Vicksbnrg feller, an' grip him onst by the fist He's a hoss, and he's got the idea. He's a Johnny ter help a feller keep down the darned trouble-making politicians! We got the upper hand of 'em now, blast 'em! Bunker Hillhelped.an'somegood square talk helped, and the Centennial show'll finish the thing ! An' then per haps Johnny an' me won't just make Rome howl T Oh, no!" The Seneca and Texas butter trade is developing into quite an extensive traf fic. L. Cohen has shipped two more large invoices; and the only trouble is there is not enough butter in the market to supply the demand. Seneca Courier. There it is again. No trouble about currency up there to do the business, but not enough butter in the market to equal the demand. That's what's the matter. There is plenty of currency everywhere," from the Atlantic to the Pacific, to do the business, but there is a lack of pro duction. No more irredeemable promises to pay but more butter that's what's needed in Seneca and Seneca is a good sample of the country. Laurence Journal. -While stopping over night at a f a,rm house out West, a traveler was astonished to see his hostess walk up to her husband about every fifteen minutes and box hU ears or give his hair a pull. In the morning the guest, seeing the woman alone,- asked an explanation of her strange conduct, and her reply was: "You see, stranger, me and the old man has been fighting for ten years to see who shall boas this 'ere ranch, and I have jest got him cowed, but if I should let up on him for a day he would turn oa me again, and my work would all bo for nothing." A shopkeeper purchased of an Irish woman a quantity of butter, the Iumpa of which, intended for pounds, he weighed in the balance and found want ing. "Shure its yer own fault, sir; for wasn't it with a pound of your owa soaj I bought here myself that I weighed them with T" The shopkeeper had noth ing more to say. When Andrew Johnson was Governor of Tennessee, an ex-blacksmith was Chief Justice of the Supreme Coart, and the Governor with his owa hands made a vest for the Chief Justice, while the Chief Justice went to a forge and made a shovel and tongues to present to the Governor. iOW 6 So 8 30! n .-