Newspaper Page Text
14:
i
A
//e Was Surprised
was tellin' you about once. Lawyers an' legislators has got
a license to express theirselves an' git away with language
that would call fer gun play in a higher state of serciety.
"That cousin o' mine, I remember how he got his start
in the law business. It was thru an uncle o' mine an' his
who took a fancy to Spence an' staked him to his edgerca
tion. didn't take no fancy to me or I might have been
payin' out slack jaw in a Prince Albert coat myself 'stid o*
chambermaiden' in this yer barn.
"He tuk Spence when he come out o' school an* put him
in Judge Sanaper's law office an' paid his board. He wus
alius gittin' inter some lawin' scrape or another himself,
wrus my uncle, an* he calculated he'd play even by gittin*
Spence to tend to his differculties, I guess.
"Well, fin'ly Spence got admitted to the bar an' my
uncle he fixed him out with an office of his own over the
store next the Odd Fellows' lodgerooro. He hadn't been up
thwr* a week before Cal Teddicum came to him an' wanted
'THERE BETS THE HOARY BEPPBYBATE,' HE SATS."
him to sue Garrett Hebb on a note he'd got o' Garrett's.
Spence didn't want to take the case, because Garrett was a
good friend of his an' he'd give the note to pay fer a cow
that died of the distemper the day after he'd got her. But
jay uncle butted in. 'Friendship don't cut any figger in the
law business,' he says. 'Take the case an' push it.'
'But I'll have to rake Garrett over the coals if I do,'
says Spence.
'"What's the difference?' says my -uncle. 'Rake him.
(Jive him blazes."
'What'11 people think of me fer goin' back on a
friend?' says Spence.
'"They won't think nothin' of it,' says my uncle.
'Everybody understands that it's your dooty to do it. No-
hody won't think any the worse of you.'
'"Garrett will,* says Spence.
'Not if he's got a lick o' sense,' says my uncle. 'He'll
shake hands after it's all over an' be jest as good a friend as
ever.'
"So Spence took the case agin Garrett an' won it. My
uncle was tickled to death, but Garrett wa'n't. He up an'
give Spence the darndedest lickin' you ever seen an' smashed
ha'f of the office furniture.
"Two days after that Spence went to my uncle an' told
him the glad news that he'd got another case. The Widder
Grimsly had got him to defend a suit my uncle had brought
agin her.
My uncle was wrathy that time, an' it took Spence a long
while to smooth him down. But Judge Sanaper had started.
the suit an' my undo calculated he'd make short work o'
Spence anyway an' it 'ud be a lesson to him. It sure ought
to ha\e been, but Spence is worse now than he ever was."
"Did he lose the case?" asked the sheep herder.
"No, he won it," said the stock tender. "He got a jury
trial of it somehow an' had my uncle in the -witness chair an'
turned him inside out an' roasted him an' basted him. When
he makes his talk to the jury he shakes his finger at my
uncle an' says, 'There sits the hoary reprybate,' he says.
'There sits the heartless, conscienceless would-be dispoiler
of the bidder an' the fatherless,' he says. 'See the blush
o' shame mantlm' on his cheek,' he says. 'An' well it may
mantle, hardened in the ways o' sin an' iniquity as he is.
Gentlemen, he didn't reckon when he entered this poor de-
fendant's home with a honeyed smile upon his perjured lips
an' black deceit in his heart that the vileness of this trans
action would be dragged out to the light o' day an' held up
to the scorn an' horror of the world. He calculated he had a
weak, defenseless woman to deal with, an' his low cunning
whimpered that he could bluff her out of her house an' home
an' grab the crust from outen the mouths of her fatherless
babes an' set 'em adrift on the cold world. Gentlemen o'
.fhe jury,' he said, 'in all my experience my feelin's have
never been shocked by such despicable conduck, such low-
tdown, remorseless depravity, as shown by that flinty-hearted,
Vlyin', graspin' old curmudgeon settin' there afore you!'
$ "You don't mean to say the old man got hot about a little
'^rtbwg like that?" said the herder.
"He sure did," replied the stock tender,
what puzzled Spence."Chicago News.
,V BOOKS WRITTEN I N PRISON.
PUBLISHER was talking about Oscar Wilde's strange
book, "De Profundis," with its pathetic decoration of
& bird beating its wings against the bars of a cell,
.ji "Wilde's is not the first good book to have been written
*^in jail," he said. "Jail, in fact, seems to be a good place
Vrto write books in. Literary men surpass themselves there.
"John Bunyan wrote 'Pilgrim's Progress' in jail.
"Cervantes wrote 'Don Quixote' in prison.
*'Defoe laid the plans for 'Robinson Crusoe' during a
terms of confinement imposed on him for the writing of a
'pamphlet called 'The Shortest Way with the Dissenters.'
"Leigh Hunt wrote 'Rimini' in jail.
"Sir Walter Raleigh, during his fourteen years' imprison
ment in the Tower of London, wrote his excellent 'History of
the World.'
"Silvio Pellico and Tasso both difl their best work in
jail.'
& ^M^MSMii, tKiW&jftghL
1 i.ffjg
mm
^Vjr
Monday Hvening
E sheep herder from Palo Verde looked
up -with, an exclamation o disgust from
the newspaper he had been reading. "It
beats all get-out what some of these day
robbers in the legislature will take from
each other," he said. "Here's Smith of
Clay Creek as good as called Pete Whit
iey a liar an' a hoss thief three times
hand runnin' in one speech an* not a leaf
stirrin^
"It ain't fightin' talk there," ob
served the stock tender, raking the mat
ted hair from a brush with the curry
comb. "It's like my cousin in Rapid I
CORNED
TO
'and that's
'ifeM&fcS'
[Smk!
J*
THE MTMJ^APOLE
SUNDAY CLOSING.
The BartenderOh, I don't know this isn't so bad.
What the Market Affords
beef, 6 to 12y 2 cents a pound.
Cabbages, 10 cents a head.
Beets, 15 cents a peck.
Turnips, 15 cents a peck.
Carrots, 15 cents a peck.
Whole wheat flour, 6-pound sack, 30 cents 10-pound
sack, 50 cents.
Nothing is quite so appetizing to New England people as
the old-fashioned boiled dinner. The November Good House
keeping has what it calls a "boiled dinner deluxe."
The day before you want your "dinner," put four pounds
of fancy brisket corned beef into a large gfahite kettle with
plenty of boiling water, and simmer six or eight hours it
should be very tender. Remove the meat, and set the kettle
where it will be cold, advises the writer. In the morning
skim off the fat, which will be hard and white and will make
the very best "drippings." Return the kettle to the stove
and heat gradually. Wash four beets and boil in plenty of
fre sh "water for four hours (if they are not done then, they
never will be).
Wash and scrape four carrots and put whole into the pot
liquor, together with one large turnip pared and sliced, three
or four sweet apples and one or two pears (not pared) if
you have them. Remove each vegetable as it is done and
place on a big platter kept hot on the stove. An hour before
you want your dinner, add to the pot one small cabbage,
which has been soaked in salted water, and, half an hour
later, four whole parsnips, five or six white potatoes (pared)
and three or four sweet potatoes. Return the meat to the
pot about fifteen minutes before serving. Serve th^ cab
bage, which will need no additional seasoning, in a dlsh^by
itself, but all the rest on the one big platter, the^ me$t ip.
the center, the turnip slices, round whole beets* sweet and
white potatoes, apples and pears artistically arranged around
it, and the carrots and parsnips (skinned after cooking) up-
right at each end, or leaning over the meat, tent-wise. The
cabbage is a "side while the rest of the dinner is to be
piled generously upon the plates. The pot liquor, served in
a butter boat, is liked by some, instead of butter, for the
potatoes. A light dessert is recommended.
CLEAN GLOVES.How can I clean tan or light brown
kid gloves?An Iowa Reader.
Wash the gloves in gasolene or put them on and dip a
woolen cloth in benzine and then rub over the gloves. Do
not use either gasolene or benzine near a fire.
ROSES."Wi ll you kindly tell me how to keep roses free
from lice? I have washed them in soap and water, also in
plain water, and the vermin come back again. I kept the
plants out of doors during the warm weather, and when
they were brought in again they' were covered with small
lice.A Subscriber.
There is nothing better than a stro ng solution of soap
and water. Snave a quarter of a pound of white soap, cover
with water and set on the stove to melt. When it is liquid,
add a pailful of water and dip the rose plants in the solu
tion. Do not be satisfied with sprinkling the water over the
bushes, but immerse every one in the liquid.
HAND-PRESSED OIL OP LEMON.
ifpHIS oil of lemon," said the spice merchant, **is an
1 exquisite thing. It is hand-pressedpressed by hand
out of lemon rind. Smell it."
The odor of the clear oil suggested sunlit lemon groves
miles in extent, on a mountainside overlooking the blue sea.
"I'll tell you how the oil of lemon is extracted,'* he
said. A man sits with a sponge in one hand and a piece
of fresh lemon-peel in the other. He passes the peel against
the sponge, giving it finally a certain difficult and dextrous
twist, and this breaks the cells in the rind, and the oil
there's only a half-drop of itcomes reluctantly out upon
the 'sponge.
"When the sponge has taken up the dribblings of about
a hundred rinds, it is wet enough to be squeezed out. An
ounce or so of dear and fragrant oil then flows from it.
"There IS no way to extract this oil! withm. a lemon
rind except by squeezing and twisting the rind by hand. It
takes the rinds of about 1,200 lemons to make one pound
of oil.
"Did you, by the way, ever watch a bartender hold a
piece of lemon-peel over a cocktail, and give the peel a sud
den, quick twist? Well, he was then flavoring the cocktail
with oil of lemon, tho the quantity he extracted was so
small as to be quite invisible.
"Imagine doing that bartender twist until you had col-
lected a quart or so of this rare oil."
THOSE FUR-LINED OVERCOATS.
THEY'RE
astrakhans and sealskins,
They're beavers, otters, minks,
They're muskrats and they're catskins,
I They're polar bear and lynx.
And all of them are lovely,
Too lovely to resist i^4-
^jBut the lowest tag says ninety|
Gosh hang! Gol darn I Corn twist I
**A.
nil Mint 11 1
S
TH
MRSpist,
I
TH
TH
iMy
^w^^^^^mmw'
A String of Good Stories
"Icaaaot /0ft how the truth may bat
1 Mas tb0 tale MM 'twaa Maid to ma,"
THE READY BISHOP.
ISHOP POTTER, before he sailed for Europe, said an
English bishop:
"He is very energetic and alert. In a letter last month
I heard a new story about him.
"He had been informed that a certain street in one of
the towns of his diocese was become of a low and evil char
acter, and he resolved to investigate the report.
"Accordingly, in his knee breeches, his buckled shoes, his
apron, and his odd hat with a kind of ship's rigging of black
cord running from brim to crownyou know the English prel
ate's dresshe entered the street and proceeded to march
down its middle
"He'found it had nojt been libeled. It was, indeed, a
bad place.
"And, "as he paced along, suddenly three roughs stopped
before him, and one of them, putting his face up into the
bishop said
"'Yah.
A crowd at once gathered. The bishop was surrounded.
'Yah," repeated the rough, a louder and more mock
ing key.
'Well, my man, what do you want?' the bishop said.
'Go 'ome,' said the rough, 'an' get your mother to dress
yer in sensible clothes.'
"There was a loud laugh, but the bishop, smiling, an-
swered readily:
'My good friend, if you only knew all, you would not
be so unkind. I am a poor orphan, and have to do all my
own dressing.'
SHE MADE $100 A DAY.
ENATOR PLATT, in a humorous speech, was praising
woman at a dinner party.
"A nd her business ability!" he exclaimed. "Only the
other day the young wife of a young fsiend of mine said ex-
citedly to her husband on his return home:
'JOhn I have made more money than you today.'
"fcow much have you made?' he asked.
hundred dollars,' she said proudly.
'Good, good,' cried the young man. 'And how did you
make
'Well,' said the young lady, 'you know my old piano
thaivyou only paid" $300 for? I sold it today for $400.'
Gracious, and what are you going to do with all the
money?' he asked.
'Oh, there isn't any money,' she said.
'"Eh
?u* Yt
11
see, I sold the piano to a dealer,' she explained.
'He gives me a new one for $500, and allows me $400 for the
old one. Haven't I done well? If you'd stay home and
let me run your business for you, you'd grow rich. Think,
$100 a day! That is over $30,000 a year.'
BUSKIN'S BULL.
E late Ellis Yarnall of Philadelphia was a brilliant
talker, a sympathetic listener, and a subtle literary
critic. Hence he had many friendsamong them were Poe,
Longfellow, Emerson, Matthew Arnold, and John Ruskin.
A the Union league^ one afternoon, r. Yarnell repeated
a bull he had once heard Ruskin make.
"la his impassioned way," said Mr. Yarnall, "Ruskin
was railing aga^nsfcjiinr^ cheap and tawdry and flimsy modern
buildings, ^omparwA them with the beautiful and massive
buildings of the past.
v."'Modei^uifeuiid^ngs won't endure,' he cried. 'Where
will you ftn4^
the ancient ones %f' 'nh
PLACING THE BLAME.
THE REASON WHY.
FREDERICK SCHOFF, the well-known philanthro
answered, at a meeting of the Daughters of the
Revolution, an ancient sneer at womankind.
A man," She said, "rose in a woman's meeting, and.
with a sneer asked why it was that men were not addicted
to laying spiteful things about one another as women were.
"The president answered him.
'Men,' she said, 'are so busy bragging about themselves
that they don't have time to attack other men.'
SCULPTURE'MADE EASY.
N THE studio of Gutzon Borglum, the sculptor whose
female angels of the annunciation and the resurrection
had recently to be destroyed, a young woman was admiring
a group of graceful garden termes.
"Tell me, Mr. Borglum," she cried impulsively, "is
sculpture very difficult?'*
"!&," replied the artist, smiling, "it is very simple and
easy. You have only to take a block of marble and a chisel,
and knock off all the marble you don't want."
A POINTER FOR BRAEEMEN.
E brakeman bought a dozen packs of.cneap playing
cards.
"You're always buying cards," said the stationer good
humoredly. What do you do with themeat them?"
"No," the brakeman answered. I make money out
of 'them. I make from $5 to $10 a week out of them, and
not by gambling, either."
"No. I lend them out to gentlemen in the smoking-
car"-^gentlemen that want to play whist or poker, and have
no cards with them. They appeal to me, and I say I have no
cards for sale, but there's a pack of my own I don't mind
lending. So they use this pack, and on their journey's end,
before returning it, they chip in something for its rental
a quarter or so apieceand I net, for the loan of one pack
of cards, about a dollar."
TO BE UP-TO-DATE.
E missionary, in silent pity, gazed thru the bars at the
ihoody convict in his striped suit.
good man," the visitor said*at length, "in this pro-
longed solitude that lies before you, improve the time by
making good resolutions to be carried out on your release."
"I'm goin' to learn to run an automobile, for one thing,"
said the prisoner.
The missionary smiled radiant approval.
5f laudable desire," he said, "to master a pleas-
ant ated lucrative business."
*aid the other, "if had. learned Teore I'd
haveTgot away all right in the machine what I was sent up
here""fpr%wipin*.M
v^^-
^"W^
T.
,/of
building that has lasted as long as
0J?N PHILJP SOtlSA was condemning the voice of a
"comic opera comedian/
"|t is such a voice,7'
he said, smiling, "as belonged to a
young man whom I knew my "boyhood "Washington.
"One night, at a men's party, this young man sang a
solo. It was execrable. In the midst of the hideous racket,
bluff old Squire Baer entered.
"Squire Baer sat*down and folded his hands on the
knob of his stout stick. He waited patiently till the young
man was finished. Then he said to him:
'Well, boy, I don't blame \ou. You did your best.
But if I knew the man who asked you to sing, I'd crack him
over the'head with this club.'
i?^^^^^ nap-*"""^5?/ ^r#^*w^
'November- '13, 1905.
THE
MariaI was in fine voice, and I had the whole house coming my way.
TomYes, a brick at a time, I guess.
HELLO, SAYS ELLENC0E
Exclusive Suit and Oyercoat Store
Direct from Maker to Wearer.
$10 $15
NO LOWER, NO HIGHER.
FANCY OVERCOATS, cut long,
single or double-breasted, with or
without the belt, in new plaids and
rich Scotch mixtures, medium and
long, black and oxford, Vicuna and
Kersey Overcoats, loose back and
very stylish, also the nobby iorm
fittmg Paddock, double-breasted
with long skirts. Some new things
in Tweeds and Homespuns, also
fancy silk mixed Worsted and Cas
simere Suits. All our clothing is
made in our own Kochester, N. Y.,
factory and sold direct to you,
which means you save the retailer's
profit of $6 or $8.
LLLENCOE
304 Nicollet Ave.
C. P. WHEELOCK In Charge.
North American
"The good of the old, the
Best of the new methods/1
ih CONNECTION WITH
THE=
Postal Telegraph-Cable Co.
INSIST
UPON.
CRESCENT
CREAMERY
BUTT ER
A Fastidious man
Pays as much attention to the laun
dering of his linen as to the buying
oit. That's why he patronizes the
White Laundry It is the only place
to send good linen. It wears" longer
and looks better when we do the
work. You can prove this for your
self. Our auto will call for your
package.
The White Laundry
925 Washington Avenue S.
WHY NOT
T'Tru-fit Eye Glass
A HOFFMAN,
^HsaaUlMssK
1 Tfl
$ 1
1
ftp?
ut
THB
OPTICIAN.
Two [624 Nicollet Ava., Minneapolis.
StonMi.361 Wabasha St, St. Paul.
Show them to you and demonstrate
their superior staying' qualities and
perfect fit to contour of the bridge
of the nose. Cost no more than
clumsy styles.
DeHARS the OPTICIAN
609 SECOND AV. S.
Can give you what you. need in
GLASSES at a price that will
please you.
BARBER. SUPPLIES
An
kind*
of Cat-
tery and Toilat
Articles.
CUTLERY OR1NDINO
R. H. HECENER,
Minneapolis.
207 Nicollet Av.
Our 4 o'clock Delivery is
accompanied by an extra man as awit-)
tent, in order to insura safety and
promptness.
MYQWPL*AJtf1
(N&IAYI)
mm^^^m
STORAGE
Haw\nU roods a spaetaltr. Oa
Ftekii
101 Timer
Cl. 46 8& JTI 8(
