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With the Long Bow
-"By* aaturm's walks, shoot folly as it tths.'
With, a Heart Full of Gratitude We Express Thanks Openly
for the Many Favors of the Joyous YuletideAlways
Excepting the Pup That Sent Us the Silver-plated, Copper
toed Hair Brush..
7
The Christmas season was certainly a gladsome one,
marred only by the disgusting humor of some low-minded
pup who sent this column a hair brush. However, when us
boys go to raising whiskersfor that style is due shortly
the hair brush is likely to come in quite handy. At present
the children are using it for the cat.
Thanks, awfully, to the anonymous friend wha sent that
cashier's check for $10,000. The money will certainly prove
useful before spring and will be put where it will
do a great deal of good. "VMTioever sent this cheok has those
practical ideas of Christmas that we indorse.
"Admirers" in Paris who sent that Corot Bhould also
be mentioned. We have always loved hand-painted things.
It is a genuine Corot and much praised.
We found in our stocking, with Eddie Brooks' little card
attached, a set of the first four Shakspere folios. These little
Elizabethan brochures we have long desired to possess. They
rendered Christmas a very happy one in our library.
Whoever sent that old English, carved wall cabinet
evidently Jacobeanmade a decided hit also. Come again
next Christmas.
The gift of four acres of shore at Minnetonka, including
cottage, for our summer villa, "from friends at the lake,"
was a complete surprise. Thanks.
The automobile should also be mentioned.
But above everything will be prized that little yellow
Irish setter from our Sunday school class. He has already
eaten an overshoe or two and badly worried one end of our
$2,000 Punkabad oriental rug, but after seeing him stretched
out asleep by the fire, diffusing thru the apartments that faint
odor of warm dog, our hearts all went out to him wholly,
and we leahzed that Christmas was no failure after all.
And so, as Tiny Tim observed, "Se you next year."
Many interesting experiments have been made in London
with blue light as an agent for producing insensibility to
pain. The first practical uses to which this discovery of
Professor Eedard was put were made by Dr. Harvey Hilhard,
anaesthetist to the Royal Dental hospital of London. Writ
ing for the medical and technical papers, Dr. Hilliard stated
that he found that the blue light had on himself a most dis-
tinctly calming influence. He gives instances of the utility
of the blue rays the case of extraction of teeth. One man
said that under the influence of the blue light he felt no
pain when a molar was extracted, and returned to have two
others removed by the same agency. i
Many people already regard dentistry in a rather blue
light, but this has not been much of an anaesthetic in the
past. If the D. M. D. can turn on a blue light and go down
into your non-speaking countenance for a tooth fastened
around the jawbone by two stout prongsall this without
your feeling itblue light is certainly a world beater.
Pending further experiment with the blazes, we prefer
to take a few yards of illuminating gas when the sturdy
young dentist reaches for our collarbone.
'MA JW
The soil in North Dakota is so rich that the editor of
the Litchnlle Bulletin has bought a'new automobile and is
trying to sell his old machine. His advertisement reads thus:
I have a bay Eambler automobile I want to sell. I is
sound wind and limb, young, docile, is a good driver and
can go a mile in 2-20. I drove it all last summer and fall while
the other fellows who owned automobiles were patronizing the
livery stables or walking. There isn't a blemish on it no
spavins, ringbones or heaves trouble it and its appetite ia
healthy I feed it gasoline and can go twenty-flve miles on a
gallon, or les^s than 1 cent a mile.
The machine cost new $850 and $40 freight, but I will
sell it for much less than that because I have bought a much
larger car for 1906. Or I will trade it for sound farm horses
from 5 to 10 years of age, weighing 1,200 to 1,400 pounds. I
am willing to trade for horses because I am going to farm
1,000 acres with hired help this year and need a lot of horses
and good wishes if I am to pull out of it in a sane and safe
condition.
I will guarantee to teach any man who wears pants how to
run the Eambler machine inside of two hours so that he can
steer clear of telephone poles and miss most fence posts. Come
in and look at it You don't know anything about automobiles,
but then I don't know anything about horses, and wouldn't
know a case of string halt if I saw it so it ought to be easy to
trade, and my word ought to be as good as a horse-trader's.
The Editor.
We may look shortly for a hoss trade in North Dakota
that will make David Harum feel like joining the Baptist
church.
Some gentleman of quiet taste in jokes started the low
story that the editor of the Miller, S. D., Sun had money to
loan, thereby causing innocent farmers to drive in after a
few hundred each and giving Mr*. Stratton that chesty
millionaire feeling. The editor explains that it is a canard
and that if he had money he would not loan it, but would
keep it to gloat over. A. J, R.
What the Market Affords
fresh eggs, 30 cents a dozen.
Creamery butter, prints, 30 cents a pound.
Potatoes, 75 cents a bushel.
Carrots, 15 cents a peck.
Rutabagas, 15 and 20 cents a peck.
Cranberries, 15 cents a quart.
Cream of carrot soup will furnish something new for
luncheon or dinner. Chop the carrots fine, brown them
slightly in butter, add water or stock, and flnish cooking.
When done mash three-fourths of the carrots thru a sieve
and add them to some white stock in the proportion of a pint
of the carrot pulp to a pint and a half of the stock. Let it
come to a boil, and thicken with two yplks of eggs, beaten
with a tablespoonful of flour and diluted with a half cup of
cream. Add the rest of the chopped carrots and serve.
Have you ever tried cranberry dumplings? To make them
roll out a layer of dumpling crust thin spread thickly with
wet cranberries rolled in sugar, roll up, pinch the edges
tightly together and steam one-half hour. Serve with fairy
butter pudding sauce, made as follows: One cup of pulver
ized sugar, creamed with one large tablespoonful of butter,
then beat lightly with the yolk of an egg until smooth and
creamy. Beat the white to a stiff froth, mix lightly but
thoroly, heap on a glass dish, sprinkle with nutmeg, stand
on the*ice to harden.
SEVEN YEARS WITHOUT A BIRTHDAY.
OHN H. WINDSOR of Trinidad, Col., is a boy of 9
J years, seven of which passed without a birthday. John
was born on Feb. 29, 1896, and consequently had no birth
day till last year.
Another person of whom this can be said was the Rev.
Herbert Hilary, a clergyman of Liverpool, born Feb. 29,
1796, and now dead many years.
The fact of Mr. Hilary's seven years' abstinence from
hirthdays forms the plot of "Beasts and White Flesh," the
sinister novel, now become a classic, of the Spaniard, Conio
Tarifa.
r
CHEAe
JIMMY IRSFIELD TACKLES COLLINS FOR DAMAGES.
He Was a Professor
General Wilson thought hard for a time. "You are
thinking, are you not," he said, "o the commercial expres
sion 'professional trader'?"
"They said he was a professor."
"You mean, do you not," said General Wilson, a profes
sional trader, in the sense that a man gives his entire time anU
attention to the exchange floor business of his firm, and is
always to be found buying or selling wheat in the pit?"
"Wellthey said he was a professor."
"You mean," and the voice came out like thunder, "you1
mean he represents his firm in the pit he is a professional
traderhe personally manages the buying and selling for his
flrm-^he is in the wheat pityou mean he is a professional
trader, do you not?"
"They said he was a professor.'*
Every mouth in the courtroom was open. Even the judge
was smiling.
"Is that what you mean?" demanded Wilson.
"They told me he was a professor."
"Because he buys and sells wheat in the pit?"
"Yes." "That makes him a professor, does it?"
"Well, yesI thought those fellows in the middle of the
room all mixed up together, I thought they were called pro-
fessors.
It was almost too much for the gravity of the court.
SWEAR OFF.
AVE you appetites unruly?
Swear them off!
Do you smoke or drink unduly?
Then swear off!
Wear an oath as 'twere a fetter
Keep its spirit and its letter
Break itStill you're something better
So swear off!
SNAPSHOTS.
codliver oil is made from sharks.
Wednesda Evening ^HE .^MINNEAPOLIS tJOTJRNAL Decembe
N the recent case of Hallet vs.
Aggergard, tried in South Da
kota, General Wilson of Min
neapolis, who went out to
Yankton to appear for Hallet
& Co., was examining a very
countrified witness.
"You know Mr. of
the Minneapolis Chamber of
Commerce?" asked General
Wilson.
"Yes," said the witness
"he is a professor."
He is a what f'' demanded
General Wilson, starting and
dropping his papers.
A professor."
A professor?'*
"Yes, I heard he, was a
professor."
1
Th longest English word is "anthropophagenarian."
Little electric lights glisten on the bridles of many Berlin
horses.
At the average banquet, the wines and flowers cost more
than the food.
King Leopold of Belgium takes for breakfast a cup of
tea and eight raw eggs.
More gold watches are worn by American artisans than
I by those of any three other countries.
A i/f: Kr 4J.-
7
ON
PROFESSOR 7*
myself^
A String of Good Stories
canmot tall bow tba truth may bat
-5 say its tats as 'twas said to mt"
A
DR.Philadelphia,E
1
OIEVER TRICK.
LAWRENC E. FLICK, the tuberculosis specialist of
was discussing a patent medicine that
had succeeded thru trickery.
"It was trickery as arrant, as clever, and as successful,"
he said, "as that of the old Montgomery county farmer who
would, never pay his toll.
"This old fellow believed that the tolhvon the Montgom
ery county roads were too high, and he evaded them, there
fore, in any way he could.
"Once, for instance, he was $oing on a long journey, and
he knew the toll for such a distance would be excessive. So
he set out very early in the morning, before anyone was up,
and when he neared the toll gate he drove slowly and noise
lessly, and when he arrived at the tollhouse he turned his
team around, so that it faced home, with great caution.
"Then he rapped, and the gatekeeper dressel, came down,
and held out his hand.
'How much?' said the farmer.
"'Where to? said the gatekeeper.
Conshohocken.'
'Thirty-five cents.'
"The farmer uttered a loud oath of rage.
'PI1 never pay it,' he said. 'I'll go back home before
I'll pay it.'
"And he turned his horse around and drove off."
A STRANGE END.
*TTH vicissitudes of us actors," said James K. Haokett,
1 "are incredible."
He smiled pensively at the luminous glass table of his
New York house's dining room, a table with electric lights
so ranged beneath it that its glass surface emitted a glow
now pink, now orange, now scarlet.
"Incredible," he repeated. "There was Brown, who
went touring in South Africa last year. I met Brown's
cousin yesterday.
'Well, how is Jim?' said
'Jim?' said the cousin. 'Body o* me, man, Jim is
dead.'
'Dead?' I cried. *How did hedie?'
'Pelted to death with eggs at Cape Town,' the cousin
answered.
'But eggs don't kill,' said
"He smiled sadly, and murmured:
Ostrich eggs do.'
A MORE ATTRACTIVE SUBJECT.
A BLEAK, snowy day Eugene Cowles praised the win
ters of Egypt.
"You sail in icy weather," he said, "and in a few days
the Azores are reached, and from off those islands of bananas
and cocoanuts and dates the mild airs of May float to you.
"Then you enter the Mediterranean, and it grows warmer
and warmer. The sea and sky grow bluer, the sun more
splendid, the air sweeter and purer.
"Finally you reach Cairo, with its picturesque coloring
and its luxurious hotelsits hotels where everyone in the
world who can afford it goes for at least one winter.
"The odd characters that one meets in Cairo I
"In the cafe of Shepherd's hotel I once saw two London
costermongers.
"They swaggered in, all buttons and perfumery, and sat,
down near me at a table beside a banana palm.
'Who wuz Pharaoh, Bill?' whispered the first hoarsely.
'-Nfiyer.mindj' the other answered. 'Here's the bill o*
fare.'"
A POOR TRICK.
OUNG Waldorf Astpr told in New York a story illustra
tive of the abounding animal spirits of the English
guardsman.
"There was a young subaltern of high birth," he said,
"who had unusually strong forearms and wrists. He had the
habit of slipping up behind, seizing a man's coattails, and
zippa quick, powerful jerk, and the coat would be split
clean up to the collar.
"This joke had been played so often that everybody knew
it. At a country house we were both visiting, I decided to
play a joke myself on the strong-armed subaltern. Accord
ingly, one night in the smokeroom, I placed myself before
him, and then I turned my back temptingly. I knew he
would be unable to resist those coattails.
"He did not resist them. He seized them in his vise-
like hands, and in a jiffy the trim, shapely coat I was wearing
hung like a rag upon me, split up the back in two halves.
"The subaltern, regarding his work, laughed loud and
long. When he was done, I said quietly:
I slipped up to your room a little while ago, and this
is your xjoat that I have on now.'
A CHRISTMAS WARNING.
(iTN GIVING Christmas presents to children," said Mrs.
1 Frederick Schoff, the president of the National Moth
ers' Congress, "ou first aim should be to transport, to over
joy, to enrapture.
I once knew a little girl who, on fire with excitement,
rushed jn from her bedroom to see her presents on Christ
mas morning, and, after one look, burst into loud sobs of dis-
appointment and disgust.
"It was some such experience, I have no doubt, that had
befallen a little girl friend of mine. Hence
'Are you going to give me anything for Christmas?' she
said one day to her aunt.
'Yes, if you're good,' the aunt replied.
"The little girl gazed at her aunt with wistful earnest
ness* Then she said:
'Please, auntie, then, nothing useful.'
BOTH WERE BARBAROUS.
STARR, the famous ethnologist, was in his
humorous and whimsical way accusing woman of bar-
barism.
"And she is not only barbarousshe is illogical and in-
consistent," he exclaimed.
I was walking in the country one day with a young
woman. In a grove we came upon a boy about to shin up a
tree. There was a nest in the tree, and from a certain angle
it was possible to see in it three eggs.*
'You wicked little boy," said my companion, 'are you
going up there to rob that nest?'
I am,' the bpy replied cooly.
'How can you?' she exclaimed. 'Think how the mother
will grieve over the loss of her eggs.'
'"Oh, she won't care,' said the boy. 'She's up there
on yourjiat.'
M'**" GOOD-HEARTED. 'TTP'
"'HE young man was wrapped in gloom.
"Th beautiful Miss Doodledum,"
me last night."
And he sighed heavily.
"But she let me kiss her at parting," he whisjered
thrillingly, "an I shall never forget the sweetness of that
kiss." *"aV &
Thereupon his companion arose hastily.
I Mnk," said het "J'U trot around there and pi pose
he said, "rejected
Defective Page
2 1905.
B2Sw^iy^'r
A PLEASANT MOMENT FOB A
The BoyLook out, father! Here's a bull coming straight for us.
For Invalids
We deliver the famous "Sanitary
Milk" for invalids, children and
those weakly constituted. It is put
up under extremely sanitary condi
tions, being taken from selected
cows living under the most sani
tary conditions, receiving the purest
of feed, under the direct supervision
of the health department. The milk
is subjected to a strict bacteriologi
cal examination and placed in air
tight bottles and sealed.
Sold Exclusively by Us and Deliv
ered Anywhere in the City.
MINNEAPOLIS MILK 00.,
6th Streets, and 9th Ave.
Come to Hoffman
for Glasses
Because my experience of 20 years
In fitting eyes with proper glasses
enables me to determine with abso
lute certainty just the kind you
need Because my factory is locat
ed on my premises and I am able
to oversee all of the wane
personally.
C. A. Hoffman
Optician. 624 Nicollet Ave.
BE COMFORTABLE
AT HOME
You will be if your bin is
filled with Pioneer Non-clink
eringr White Ash Anthra
citethe good coal. The best
hard coal for domestic use.
THE PIONEER FUEL CO.,
45 South Fourth Street
THE=
North American Ijjjf!^
"The good of the old, the
Best of the new methods."
IK COtiPtECTION WiTU
Postal Telegraph-Cable Co.
FUR BARGAINS
Watch for Special Prices Soon.
ZEKMAN -sevent
Street South
EDISON and VICTOR
PHONOGRAPHS
on Easy Payments.
Minnesota Phonegraph Co
514 Nle. A v. Sendfor Edison& Victorcatalogs
Ip
Commence the
New Year Right
Make up your mind not to do"
your own washing any more.
There's one laundry in Minne
apolis prepared to do your work
better and nearly aB cheap as you
can and save you all the strength
and trouble.
That laundry is
THE WHITE LAUNDRY,
925 Washington Av. S.
Model
Incubators & Broodorsl
Made by Chas. A. Cyphers.
Biff stock at Minneapolis
Eaves freight. Bone Cut.
ters at faetoiy prices.
Write now for our free
catalog- of Wyandotte.
Brand Poultry
Supplies.
613
2nd Avt. S.
Minneapolis
jDrrect from the*man
jufacturer and save
|The middle mens profit
jORTHWESTf&N lap Retail Stom
INSIST
UPON,
CRESCENT
FURS
sui
th(
to
til
tl tl
E
PIKE & CO.
Both
Phones.
Great reduc-
tion on our
entire stock
of ready-to-
wear Furs.
A. ZEKMAN, Furrier
23 FIFTH ST. SOUTH
Note the address. Bet. Nicollet & Hennepin.
All our wagons are covered,
stronr. manased by trustworthy
drivers and drawn by best horses.
Merchants appreciate this service.
i
FINE CUTLERY
A fan
line of
Csrvins Sets,
Manicure Cases.
Shavins* Outlits. Toilet
Articles. Cutlery Orindins.
R. H. HKGENER,
207 rflceflet AT*.. MhrnaapaBs.
