Newspaper Page Text
By George Ade.
(Copyright, 1906 by George Ade
44T T'Sa small world."
I This is one of the over
worked phiases of the globe
trotter. It is used most frequently by
those who follow the beaten paths. In
other words we find it difficult to get
away from our acquaintances. Not
that we wish to get away from them
on the contrary, when we are stumbling
along some unfamiliar thorofare six
thousand miles from home and bump
Into a man with whom we have a nod
ding acquaintance in Chicago we fall
upon his neck and call him brother.
It must be very annoying to criminals
and celebrities who aTe trying to hide
their identities, but to the ordinary
traveler it is always a glad surprise
to find a friend coming right out of the
ground a corner of the world sup
posed to be given over to strangers.
There are certain spots on the earth
which may be classed as definite'-head
quarters for wanderers. It is said that
in the summer season any person of any
nationality who seats himself in front
of the Cafe de la Paix in Paris may
confidently gamble on hailing an ac
quaintance in less than fifteen minutes.
Trafalgar square, in London, is called
by the Britishers the actual kernel of
civilization. The lo/g corridor of the
Waldorf is the temporary abode of
folks from almost everywhere. The
big "front porch'' here at Shepheard's
hotel, in Cairo, will surely have two or
three friends waiting for you when you
arrive. The Grand hotel in Yokohama
has been for many years a sort of clear
ing house for travelerscircumnaviga
tors moving aside to let the other
crowd pass. Then there is the Palace
in San Francisco, and the Auditorium
in Chicagodefinite rallying places
for mortals who move about.
It is when we meet our long-lost
friend in the remote byway that we are
induced to throw up our hands and ex
claim, "The world is small."
For instance, before the German
steamer left Naples for Alexandria a
launch load of new passengers came
aboard. As we were heading out of the
bay and almost under the shadow of
Capri I glanced at the man in the ad
joining steamer chair and recognized
the banter from Tientsin. He was
just as much surprised as I was.
About a year ago we parted at San
Francisco after a long and pleasant
voyage from Shanghaihe to continue
a leisurely trip around the world, I to
carry my priceless treasures of oriental
art and shattered letter of credit back
to Indiana. When we parted there
was the usual sterotyped remark about
meeting again, but neither of us be
lieved that there was one-"chance in a
million of our paths crossing, it being a
far cry from Tientsin to Terre Haute.
I don't know what a far cry'' is, hut
I have come across it in some of our
most opaque dissertations, and accord
inglv I welcome the opportunity to
The man from Tientsin had loitered
in Europe and was now heading straight
for China. I had made up my mind in
a hurry to go to Egvpt to help 10,000
other students investigate the tombs,
and here we are, side by side, in the
A few minutes after colliding with
him I had the pleasure of meeting a
young woman who said that she was the
sister of Henry Billkamp of Chicago.
She asked me if I remembered the cir
cumstances under which I met Henry,
and I told her that I couldn 't very well
A few years ago in Chicago I re
sided in a large establishment which
had as an auxiliary feature a
fine Turkish bath. Many of our
best people would come to the bath
very afternoon, first steaming them
selves in the vapor room, then scrubbing
themselves, then a shower and after
that a plungeby which most of
the coal dust would be removed. Henry
Billkamp came to the bath one after
noon and brought with him aTsmtcase
containing his evening clothes and acces
sories. Henry was to be married the
next day, and that evening he and the
bride elect were to be the guests at a
large dinner party on the south side.
Henry looked at his watch
THREE OT\Ef\. COUILE. UHDER. SUSPICION
that he could loll around th% bath for
an hour before "jumping into his even
ing clothes. So he put his suitcase
over in one corner of a dressing room
and in a few minutes had joined the in-
CUES $100,000 TO
BE RID OF HIS. WIFE
Divorce Applicant Finds More
Happiness as Drug Clerk
Los Angeles, April 14."I have had
more peace and contentment since I
came to California than I ever had be
fore in all the twenty-eight married
years of my life."
That is the statement made to Judge
Trask in the superior court by Edward
A. Hall, who testified that, after wait
ing until the youngest of his three chil
dren was over age, he gave his wife
$100,000 "worth of property, and, taking
$900 cash for himself, severed his
family ties and came to California at
the age of 60.
Formerly president of the Palmetto
Pharmacy company of Charleston, S. C,
SOME SIDE OBSERVATIONS ON "GADDING.'
formal circle which was commonly
known as the Perspiration -club.''
4* 4 *f
It may be said in passing that Henry
was a very estimable young man of
first-class abilities and that he was built
on the general outlines of a flagpole.
He pierced the atmosphere for a con
siderable distance, in an ut and down
direction, but he never blocked the
view of any person who happened to be
standing behind him.
While Henry Billkamp was in the
steam chamber engaged in the super
fluous task of further reducing himself
Bob Grimley came into the bath depart-
ment carrving a suitcase. The suit
case habit is very strongly entrenched
in busy towns. To go all the way out
home and then come back would use up
Bob Grimley was a short man, weigh
ing about 250 pounds, and shaped like
an olive. He wanted his vapor in a
hurry, because he had to grab a tram
and go away out to Oak Park and then
dress in a hurry and have a bite of
dinner and play poker. So he made a
running splash and jump thru the bath
department, came out, hopped into his
garments, picked up Henry Billkamp's
suit case and trashed away to Oak Park.
It was half/past six when Henry Bill
kamp arose from the plunge and hurried
to the dressing room. The dinner was
to be at 7. He opened the suit-
with a big three-story business block on
the main street of the city and a $35,
000 stock of goods, besides a good home
and a considerable amount of real es
tate, he has taken a position as clerk in
a general store at Fallbrook in San
"And I'm happy at the prospect,"
was the man's only comment.
I believe that that man's a man,"
said Judge Trask after he had granted
a divorce to Hall from Emmola Hall,
his wife, who is now running the busi
ness he founded at Charleston and liv
ing on the property hagave her.
Time and again I deeded to my
wife a piece of real estate in the hope
that she would stop her wrangling and
come back to me," said Hall. ^'For
years the public did not know of our
"Finally f" Became broken down in
health. The children were' grown up
and one day she came to the store and
insisted that I was unable to manage it,
and that she wanted a change. Later,
at home, she told me she wanted me to
get out and never come back.
I told her I would. I deeded to her
all the property I owned and trans
ferred to her the stock I -toeld as presi
dent and principal owner of the Pal
metto Pharmacy company. Then I took
about $900 in cash and came to Cali
"Then^you have found in the many
case and began to take out balloon
shaped garments, and then he shrieked
for an attendant. Where was his suit
case? No one seemed to know~ Oh,
yes Mr. Grimley had come out of that
room with a suitcase and had gone
no one knew whither^ Henry stood
there with a huge article of raiment
clutched in each hand and slowly froze
with horror as a full understanding of
the situation grew upon him. In less
than half an hour he must join them
bride, relatives, friends. The lights
were already up, the flowers on the
table, the wine cooling, the carriages
beginning to arrive. It was to be the
night of his life. Could he appear at
VERY ANNOYING TO CRIMINALS AND CELEBRITIES.
this glittering function as a" chief at
traction an $8 sack suit and
make some lame explanation about
losing his other things in a Turkish
bath? He had -an old suit at home,
but he was miles from home. The
carriage man sent in word that Mr.
Grimley and suitcase had gone to a
railway station. That settled it.
Henry decided to jump i^to the plunge
and end it all.
While he was lamenting a friend
came in from another dressing room to
find out what was the matter. Henry,
scantily attired, leaned against the wall
and in a voice choked with sobs and
cusswords outlined his frightful pre
dicament. The friend, listening, sud
denly emitted a glad shout.
I have it!" he exclaimed. "There's
years of your married life," queried
Judge Trask, "that peace and content
ment are worth more than the fruits of
your years of labor?"
I have found that reasonable peace
and contentment are worth more than
all the money in the world," was the
"Then since you came to southern
California you have been perfectly
happy?" again asked the judge.
1 have had more peace and ^satis
faction since I came to California than
I ever had before in all the twenty
eight years of my married life," an
swered Mr. Hall.
"And you gave everything to your
wife except these few hundred dollars
before you left^ Charlestonall the
property it had taken you years to
"Yes, sir, I did," said Hall.
That's all,'' said the judge.
All Neapolitan babies wear tied around their
neekg a charm against the eril eye called Cim
aruta which means "a sprig of rice." When
complete It consists of nine emblems, all of
which have magical power These emblems are
the sprig of rice, serpent, half moon, key, heart,
hand and horn, birds. Bbamrock and silver.
For three years a hospital has been in exist
ence at Bromley near London, where only a
fruit diet is allowed to the patients, and where
during that time there have been only two
deaths among the 500 patients who have re
ceired treatment The institution Is known
the Lady Margaret Fruitarian hospitals *$&$,
MINNEAPOLIS, MINNESOTA/ SUNDAYlMQRNING, APRIIA5, 1906.
only one man in all the world with a
figure anything like yours, and he hap
pens to ibe right here in the building.
Come! Get a dressing gown on! We
have twenty minutes! We can make
A few seconds later two agitated
persons, One attired and, the other semi,
burst into my room. It was a long
story, but^could they borrow an assort
ment of evening clothes? Could they?
I wa& delighted to know that someone
in the world wanted to wear that suit.
No fireman going to a fire ever
dressed himself with snch rapidity as
we dressed the hysterical Henry.
Everything fitted him perfectly. Shirt,
collar, trousers, waistcoat, swallowtail,
opera hat, tie, gloves^ studs, buttonsr
everything just'the size. Nothing in
the outfit had ever fitted me, but when
we got thru with Henry he was beyond
criticism. He actually wept with joy
as we ran him out to the carriage and
boosted him in and started him south
ward, with eleven minutes to spare. He
arrived on the dot. For weeks after
ward he would sit down every day and
write me a letter of thanks and declare
that he would never "forget me and the
service I had done him. Of course, it
would have been impossible for me to
forget anyone who had looked well in
my evening clothes, aid it was a posi
tive pleasure to meet Henry's sister.
She said she had long desired to have a
look at me. She had not believed it
possible that there was another living
mortal whose clothes would fit Henry,
but now she saw that she had been mis*
It is flattering to learn that people
we never have met have been interested
in us for a long time. Continuing the
same line of thought, it is often disap
pointing to learn that the people most
deeply interested in us are those who
have never met us. For fear of get
ting mixed up let us return to the boat.
4* 4* 4*
Our principal cargo was honeymoon.
We had six newly married couples, who
were advertising to all the world the
fact of their sudden happiness, and
three other couples were under sus
picion. The men lounged in the smok
ing room, as if to give the impression
that they were hardened in matrimony,
but they peeked out thru the portholes
too often and made many trips to the
One German couple was the most
TO END PERSECUTIONS
National Union Planned to Estab
lish Unity of Action Agajbst
New York, April 14.With a view
to establishing a central Hebrew organ
ization in every state and finailv or
ganizing a national body, for tho ulti
mate object of establishing unity oiLac
tion among Hebrews in opposing perse
cutors and breaking down preiudice,
the "Federation of Jewish Organiza
tions of New York State" has been or
ganized by delegates from 200 Hebrew
Maior Kaufman Mandel. president 6f
the Jefferson bank, was elected presi
dent of the federation, and Emanuel
Zimmet of the YounRn Men'.s Benevo
Three week* ajfc movement for
newly marnecrteam that any of us had
ever seen. don't think they knew
they were in a boat. They may have
susiected but it really didn't make* any
difference. Theywere in a trance,
riding on a cloud of incense, saturated
with bliss. He was middle aged, with
red flaring whiskers and a nose showing
an angular break in the middle. She
was short and plump, with a shiny, oil
finish countenance. Neither had been
constructed according to the plans and
specifications of Love's Young Dream,
and yet the devouring admiration which
played back and forth between Borneo
and Juliet was almost icy compared
with this special brand of Teutonic
TttE FIRST M.OUR IH A* NEW LAND!
love. They were seldom moie than
three inches apart, he gazing into her
eyes with a yearning that was unutter
able (even in German) and she gazing
right back at him in blushing rapture
and seeming to say to herself''Just
think 1 He belongs to me, whiskers
and all!" It was almost enough to
induce me to get married.
They were drifting so far above the
earth that they forgot to be seasick.
The other honeymooners took to their
4* 4* 4*
Is there anything so perverse," so
whimsical, so tantalizing and so full of
surprises as our old friend the-weather?
When the warm sunshine trickled down
our backs in Naples we rejoiced and
said,'' At last we have found summer.''
We looked forward to three balmy days
on the blue Mediterranean, and even
began- to remember where we had
packed the summer clothes at the bot
tom of the trunk. During the first
night out we passed between Scylla and
Charybdis. They sound like a team of
acrobats, but really they are the prom
ontories guarding the narrow Strait of
Messina*- It was pitch dark when we
passed, and we turned in, but we read
about them in Baedeker next morning
and were much gratified to know that
we had been so near them. Not that
we can describe them, but hereafter
we can refer to them.
Aftor we rounded the south coast -t
Italy and pointed for Alexandria we
ran into a mess of weather that had
lost its bearings and wandered down
from the north Atlantic. The wind
blew a gale. We satf huddled in onr
heaviest wraps. The good ship pitched
and pitched, and then pitched some
more. And this was the Mediterra
nean! We had promised ourselves to
the federation was inaugurated by a
number of the leading Hebrew busi
ness men of the East side. It is in
tended that the organization shall ulti
mately wield influence in behalf of He
brews and against Hebrew haters all
over the world, but the present purpose
is to accomplish an efficient working
national body and to get all Hebrew
societies of all kinds to unite for the
common purpose of advancing the in
terests of the race.
In the declaration of obiects adopted
it was stated that the federation would
take cognizance of "all matters per
taining to the welfare of Hebrews,"
and that it would "strive for the bet
\terment of the physical, intellectual
and social conditions of the Hebrews
of New York."
Attention was called to the existence
of a similar Hebrew organization in
Massachusetts, with headquarters in
Boston. Major Mandel, Nisson Behar,
Henry Weiss, A. Kip and E. Albert
were appointed delegates to wait upon
the Massachusetts body and bring, be
fore them the'idea 'of forming branches
in every state and finally organizing
a national body.
$JT?)nc the late bishop of London was ordered
by his physician to spend the winter in Algiers.
The bishop said it iwas impossible he had so
many engagements. "Well, my lord-bishop,"
aid the specialist, "it either means Algiers or
heaven "Oh, in- that case," said the bishop,
ft'll go to Algiers."
lie basking in the gentle warmth and
count the lateen sails as they went
drifting by. We had expected to see
the whole surface of the Mediterranean
almost as' busy as State and Madison,
or Broadway and Forty-second, craft of
all descriptions crisscrossing the blue
ripples, a continuous aquatic bioscope.
As a matter of fact, we rode forthree
davs across waters as lonesome and
empcy as those of the north Pacific,
where the course is so clear that the
captain, after putting to sea, can tie
the wheel and go below and play dom
Our chilly voyage from Naples to
Alexandria has suggested a few reflec-
INCUR TORTURE OLD
MAN TO GET HIS GOLD
Bind Man and Aged Wife and
Burn Former's Feet With
tions on travel in general. Why the
Anglo-Saxon passion for gadding
about? Cairo today is absolutely con
gested with Americans. The continent
of Europe is two days away by speedy
boat Parif is two days more, and Lon
don less than a week by ordinary modes
Of travel. America lies three thousand
miles beyond the most remote European
city and across stormy waters, and yet
America seems to claim a plurality of
all the transients. If an Egyptian
began to pack up his things to take a
four thousand mile jump to look at the
stockyards of Chicago or the Mammoth
cave of Kentucky his friends would
have him consigned to some Moham
medan institution for the treatment of
those mentally deranged. But the
Americans are here in flocks, droves,
coveysdecrepit old people, blooming
debutantes, boys just out of, college,
ti ed-out business -men, womeft who
have been studying Egypt at their
clubs, and, of course, the 8,000 (more or
loss) newly married couples. Ahd most
of them are working like farm hands to
generate some real enthusiasm .for
tombs and hieroglvphics. Hard pull
ing, but they will make it if their legs
4* 4* 4-
What is the charm-rthe siren call of
Egyptthat has lured these thousands
so far away from home and friends?
It is not climate, for we have a better
climate of our own. If the traveler
seeks merely warmth and sunshine, he
can find them in southern California,
the West Indies or/at Palm Beach. It
is not a genuine 'and deep-seated inter
est in ancient records, inasmuch as 90
per cent of the fresh arrivals from
America do not know the difference be
tween a, cartouche and a scarab. I but he goe* in buoyed "always* by"the
know, because I looked it up yesterdav. hope of another "first hour
WilkeSbarre,Pa., April 1CPivelw
glars broke into the isolated home of
Henry B. Plumb, an aged attorney and
historian of Nanticoke, tortured Plumb
by fire and severely injured him, and
frightened and shocked his wife into
a serious condition in an effort to make
them reveal the hiding place of money
they were supposed to possess.
The burglars broke aown thereat
door. The crash awakened the two old
people and Plumb seized an old mua-
It is not a snobbish desire to rub up
against the patchouli and rice powder
of European hothouse aristocracy, be
cause nearly all Americans flock by
themselves and make disparaging re-1
marks about other nationalities, and'
No doubt the one great reward of th
persistent traveler is to find new var
ieties of his fellowman. Cairo is the*1
pousse cafe of humanityprobably the
most cosmopolitan city in the world.
The guidebooks talk about rock tomb*
and mosques^ but the travelers find
their real enjoyment the bazaars and
along the crowded streets and on the
sheer banks of the Nile, which stand
out as an animated panorama for
hundreds of miles. The first hour in
Cairo is compensation for many an hour
flf tedious travel. Once more in the
sunshine, the soft but gamey odor of
Orientalism soothing the nostrils, a
lively chatter of unfamiliar languages
an intervening throng of turbans,
gowns, fezes, swarthy faces: the patter
ing hoofbeats of spangled donkeys and
the stealthy sweep of dignified camels
so much to see that one needs four
pairs of eyes to catch all parts of the
picture and at least a half dozen fount
ain pens to keep score of the attrac
The first hour in a new land! It is
that which repays the patient tralller.
It gives him the gasping surprises and
the twinges of delight which are not to
,be found in southern California or at
Palm Beach. And it is the very first"
hour which is memorable and crowded
with twenty-four karat emotions. Be
cause, after about two hours,
the American has adapted"" himself
to his new environment and is
beginning to be blase. Along about
the secoird day when iftoe guide at
tempts %st dazzle him by showing
another variety of bazaar he murmprfe
Chestnut'' and suggests going bacr to
It may afford consolation to the large
number of people who remain at home
to know that only about 5 per cent of
foreign travel is really worth while.
Mr. Emerson's beautiful law of com
pensation holds true in regard to travel,
just as it applies to all other things
that are coveted by mortals. You must
pay for what you get. net in money
alone, but in hardships, annoyances and
long periods of dumb, patient waiting.
The better half of one of the honey
moon combinations that came with us
from Naples told a plaintive story..
She had been traveling for three weeks
IU weather that -was wretched beyond
description. All the way across the
Atlantic she had been desperately ill in
her cabin. In liondon they found fogs.
In Paris it rained. And now they were
fighting their way thru a storm "in the
Mediterranean. Notwithstanding all
this she was trying to be cheerful, for
she believed that she would like Egypt.
The blessedness of travel is that
when the' sun comes from behind the
cloud and the new city begins to arise
from the sea we forget all the gloomy
days on board ship, all the crampy rides
in the stuffy railway compartments, all
the overcharges and vexations and
harassments and get ready to tear
ashore and explore a new wonderland.
Who can forget the first hour of the
first railway rifle thru rural England?
The story-book pictures that you have
seen all your life come true at last.
Or the first hour in London? TSat
tall thing looming right in front of you
is really the Nelson monument and not
a papier mache deception put up for the
entertainment of tourists.
In the first hour of rickshaw riding
in Japan I saw so much that was funnv
and fantastic and nerve kinking that
at the end of the ride I wanted to pay
the coolie for a year instead of an hour.
And how about the first hour up the
Grand canal in Venice? Or the first
hour in the tangled bedlam of Cantont
Or the first hour in front of Shepheard's*
hotel, here in Cairo, when it really
"erful pageant has
your special joy.
es and whirling senses
__,, changing kaleidoscope
and ask.^lrthe language of Mr. Peas
ley, "Is this on the level?"
Yes, travel is hard work, and your
true traveler is a mighty grumbler,
seems that a
ket and prepared to defend hiniselff Louis, the home of her sister, Mrs.
The musket had not been discharged J. Stief, the latter announced that fif-
in thirty-five years and failed to dis- teen weddings. *a4-bnenJifild^i& that
charge. They wrested it away froi&j block lately. sg?
him and threw him to the floor, break
ing two of his ribs.
As he lay there helpless the burglars
bound and gag^d Mrs. Plumb, threat
ening each with death if they made
any noisel A search of the house re
sulted in the burglars finding $35 atd
a gold watch. Expecting to make him
speak by torture, the burglars bound
him to a chair and held a lamp flame
to his feet. His shrieks were -tifled
with the bedclothes. Time and again
they stopped to ask him to reveal the
hiding place, burning the soles of both
feet and part way up his legs and not
leaving the house until he swooned.
Two hours later Plumb recovered,
managed to loosen his bonds, freed his
wife and then gave the alarm, but no
trace of"" the burglars has yet been
found. Plumb is in a serious condition
and his wife is prostrated.
15 W$D IN ONE WEEK.
St. Louis, April 14.Cupid has been
working overtime in the 400^ block in
East St. Louis, according to the sta
tistics in City Clerk Williams office.
During the reception held at the wed
ding of O. McOibbon of St. Louis and
Miss ^Nellie Moorehead of East St.