JHMiMMikl
UI T Elt E R A R RLY Y > M AiG AlG A ZIIt Z F 1 E G GProvidencea 6c
Providencea Provide n < i e c and 1d the j But Bu tIer 1 e r
y IS Lordship wishes to see seeyou seeyou seeyou
H you Mr Keeling KeelingKeeling KeelingKeollng KeelingKeeling
Keeling butler to tho thoEarl thoEarl theKarl
Earl of Drexdale rose slowly from fromthe fro111tho frouithe
the chair in which he had been en ¬
joying his afternoon sleep and toddled toddledoff toddledorf toddledoff
off down the passage The footman who whohad whohud whohad
had brought the message watched him himpass hintpass
pass 1 > oS8 through tho redbarge door which whichmarked whichmurked whichmarked
< marked the boundary of the servants servantsquarters servantquarters servantsquarters
quarters quartersJane quartersJune quartersJane
Jane ho said to one of the house housemaids housemaids housemaids ¬
maids who had appeared from nowhero nowheroow
ow old Is old Keeling KeelingBlessed KeellngBlesscd KeelingBlessed
Blessed if I know said Jane Ive Iveboon IvebeOll Iveboon
boon here since luco 1 was vas a little bit of a aslip a1i1lp aHill
slip of a thing and ho was was just the same samethen samethon samethen
then thenPoor
Poor old feller said the footman footmanVhy footmanV11y footmanWhy
Why poor old feller fellerCos fellerCos fellerCos
Cos hes got to go and see sQe see his lord lordship lordship lordship ¬
ship shipIs
Is his lordship in one of his moods moodsTom moodsTom moodsTom
Tom Tomrliis TomIHI8
TomHis
< His lordship said Tom with empha emphasis emphasis emphasis ¬
sis is in about eighteen of em at once officerho onceThe o11celho
The guidebooks wore wont to assert assertthat assertthat assertthat
that tho most interesting sight to be beseon heseon be beseen
seon at Drexdalo Castle was the thir thirteenth t4lrtool1th thirtoenth ¬
teenth century century crypt They wore wrong wrongTo wrongTo wrongTo
To the really thoughtful visitor the theahlof theohhaC theohiof
ahlof object of interest Into rest was Keeling As Asa Asa Asa
a matter of fact factIoellng Keeling looked a good gooddaal gooddonI gooddual
dual older than the crypt His air of ofantiquity ofantiquity ofantiquity
antiquity and permanence was more moremarked moremarltod moremarkod
marked Nobody Nobodynot not even James the thohood thebond thehead
hood gardener who had been at tho can cantlo ClUJtIe enstie
tIe for twentyfive years knew mew when ho hohad hebad luehad
had first come to tho place When WhenJnmos WhenJannos VhenJamos
Jnmos was a sprightly young gardeners gardenersboy gardenersboy gardenersboy
boy Keeling had been exactly the same sameso sameso sameso
so James asserted as he was now Ked Kerling Keding Keellug
ing was not a mere butlor He was an anheirloom unholrloom anheirloom
heirloom a part of the estate It was be bellevad belIevod believod
lIevod that he knew more about the his history hIstory histort ¬
tory of the Drexdalo Drex alo family than anyman anymanliving anymanHying anymaniiving
living It was his hobby Ho worship worshipped wOIshlppod worshipped ¬
ped tho Drexdala Drex alo blood bloo He knew tho thofamily thoCamll thefamily
family Camll history back to the days of Ed Edward Edward Edward ¬
ward the Confessor Ho dated events eventsby eventsby eventsby
by the length of time that had elapsed elapsedslnoo elapsedslnoo elapsedsinco
slnoo tho present earl had fallen down downstairs downstalls downstairs
stairs and sprained his ankle or the theoleventh theolevonth theeleventh
eleventh earl had fought furiously with
nis small i ia in the stable loft over overa
a disputed guineapig The faithful old oldservant oldsarvant oldservant
servant of tho melodramas was a par parvonu paryonu parvonu
vonu compared with Keeling Footmen
By P G WODEHOUSE
might come and might go but he went on onforovor onforover onforever
forever forovorHaving foroverHaving foreverHaving
Having negotiated the distance to his lordships lordshipsstudy lordshIpsstudy lordshipsstudy
study at his best pace pacefor for a summons to the pres presence presonoo presonee ¬
ence in the afternoon meant that important matters mattersware matterswore matterswore
wore toward towardKeeling Keeling tapped upon the door A Aquerulous Aqu Aqudrtilous
querulous qu htlous bellow from within bade him enter enterJohn enterJohn enterJohn
John twelfth Earl of Drexdale was seated In an anarmchair anarmchair anarmchair
armchair by the window He I Ic was a short redfaced redfacedman redfacedman redfacedman
man inclined to stoutness He wore a ragged grey greybeard greybeard greybeard
beard Those who knew Keelings devotion to the theproud theproud theproud
proud name of the Drexdales often wondered what whathis whathIs whathis
his opinion of the present earl might be Both as asregarded asregar asregarded
regarded regar ed manners and appearance Lord Drexdale Drexdalewould Drexdalewould Drexdalewould
would have made an excellent bookmaker or publi publican publican publican ¬
can In his youth his position and the blameless blamelessreputation blamelessreputation blamelessreputation
reputation of his father a cabinet minister and a afamous n nfamous afamous
famous philanthropist had led society to welcome welcomehim welcomehim welcomehim
him with a friendly smile The friendly smile had hadchanged hadahanged hadchanged
+ changed to a blank stare within the space of four fouryears fouryears fouryears
years and now the best the society papers could couldfind couldfind couldfind
find to call him was that well known sporting sportingpoor sportingpoor sportingpeer
poor Which l1lcl1 was a polite way of Intimating that thathis thathis thathis
his friends and associates today were the scum of ofthe ofthe ofthe
the race course courseQUT courseBUT courseB
BUT B QUT UT whatever Keelings views may have been he heconfided heconfided hoconfided
confided them to none A Drexdale however far he hemight hemlg11 homight
might t have fallen from the Drexdale standard was wasa wasIt wasa
a sacred subject Immune from criticism criticismCome crIticismHCome criticismCome
Come in cant you Shut the door Dont stand standthere standthoro standthere
there half in and half out gaping at me like a fish fishAh fishAh fishAh
Ah AhThe
The last remark was elicited by a sudden twinge twingeof
of pain In the foot which rested swathed in band bandages bandages bandages ¬
ages on a pile of cushions for his lordship was suf suffering suffurlng sufforing ¬
fering from one of his frequent attacks of of gout goutYour goutYour goutYour
Your lordship wished to see me meOf meOf meOf
Of course I wished to sea you For Heavens Heavenssalce Hoavenssalte Heavenssake
sake man cant you close your mouth Is it abso absolutely nbsolutoly absohutoly ¬
lutely necessary for you to gape at me like that thatThats thatfhats thatThats
Thats better Keeling I want you to go up to Lon London London Loudon ¬
don by the first train tomorrow tomorrowTo tomorrowTo tomorrowTo
To London your lordship lordshipYes lordshipHYos lordshipYes
HYos Yes to London Youve heard of the place I Isuppose Isupposo Isuppose
suppose Here read this letter This will explain explainCurse explainCurse explainCurse
Curse the young fool I might have known ho howould hewould howould
would be making an Idiot of himself If I left him out outof outof outof
of my sight Read It Its from Colonel Brant who whowas whowas whowas
was here for the shooting last year
1 b
Master Jack JackLord ackLord Lord Drexdale started a at t the once familiar address How Howmany Howmany Howmany
many years had slipped by since Keeling had called him that
Keeling took the letter and fumbled in his pocket pocketfor pocltetfor pocketfor
for his spectacles Lord Drexdale watching his man maneuvres manQuvrQS maneuvres
euvres with growing impatience impatienceDamn impatlenceuDamn impatienceDamn
Damn it man he broke out I cant wait all allday allday allday
day Give me the letter Ill read It to you Its Itsabout Itsabout Itsabout
about Lionel Lionelearl LIonelK LionelK
K FEELING r bowed The Hon Lionel only son of the theearl theearl
earl was a pale nervous young man who had been beenbullied beenbullied beenbullied
bullied through a sickly boyhood by his father and andwas andwas andwas
was now drifting aimlessly about London Keeling Keelingwho Keelingwho Keelingwho
who had known him from his cradle had an affection affec affection affectlon ¬
tion for him apart from the fact that he was a Drex Drexdale Drexdale Drexdale ¬
dale Lionel was quiet and diffident and quietness quietnessand quietnessund quietnessand
and diffidence were a welcome change from the thecommon thecommon thecommon
common run of manners at the castle castleThis castleThIs castleThis
This Is what he says said Lord Drexdale taking tak taking taking ¬
ing the letter Ill skip the enquiries after my mygout mygout mygout
gout Here Is the part I want you OU to hear I think thinkif thinkIf thinkIf
if you feel well enough for the trip I should run up upto upto upto
to town for a day or two if I were you It might mightbe mightbe mightbe
be just as well if you kept an eye on the hope of ofthe ofthe ofthe
the Drexdales just now Last night after we had haddined haddIned haddined
dined together at the club Lionel in a communica communicative communicatlve communicative ¬
tive mood unbosomed himself to me Not to break breakit breakIt breakit
it gently the young fool has fallen head over ears earsin earsin earsIn
in love with a ady who however attractive Is hard hardly hardly hardly ¬
ly in the rank of society from which I fancy you youwould youwould youwould
would prefer the future Lady Drexdale to be drawn drawnTo drawnTo drawnTo
To be exact she is one of the performers in a sort sortof sortof sortof
of circusspectacle which Is now drawing the youth youthof youthof youthof
of the suburbs to Olympia Lionel showed me her herphotograph herphotograph herphotograph
photograph She seems to be deucedly good look looking looking looking ¬
ing and I gather from Lionel that she rides magnifi magnificently magnlflMcentIy magnificently ¬
cently If these qualities are all you demand from fromyour fromyour fromyour
your daughterinlaw well and good If not youd youdbetter youdbetter youdbetter
better come and stop the thing I cant help you youI
I sail tomorrow for Egypt That Is how the matter matterstands matterstands matterstands
stands The next move is with you I hope your yourgout yourgout yourgout
gout Oh never mind my gout Thats all And Andabout Andabout Andabout
about enough I cant stir myself with this infernalgout infernal infernalgout Infernalgout
gout and youre the only man I can trust to look lookafter lookafter lookafter
after tho Interests of the family You may be a afool afooldont fool fooldont fooldont
dont gape man manbut but I know youve got our In Interests interests intorests ¬
terests at heart heartIf heartIf heartIf
If I might suggest your our lordship lordshipWell lordshlpVeIl = 0 0ell
Well WellPerhaps VeIl VeIlPerhaps ell ellPerhaps
Perhaps a telegram directing Master Lionel to toreturn toreturn toreturn
return returnLord returnLord returnLord
Lord Drexdale Jerked his head toward the table
Do you imagine I didnt think thinkof thinkof
of that I wired the moment I got gotthis got gotthIs gotthis
this letter Theres his answer answerHe answerIe answerFie
He Ie says he Is very sorry but he is
in bed lea with a severe attack of ton tonsolltis tOIlsoHUs tonsolltis
solltis and his doctor forbids him to tomove tomove tomove
move Tonsolitis Bah I expect hes hessitting hO hossitting 8 8sitting
sitting in the sixpenny gallery cracking crackingnuts crackingnuts crackingnuts
nuts and making sheepseyes at the girl girlas girlas girlas
as she jumps through paper hoopsKeeling hoops hoopsKeeling hoopsKeellng
Keeling received this vivid piece of ofimagery ofimagery ofimagery
imagery in respectful silenceCatch silence silenceCatch silenceCatch
Catch the first train tomorrow Keel Keeling Keeking Keching
ing Do you see Do you see man manVery maIi maIiVery manVery
Very well Do what you think best Use tJsoyour Useyour sQ sQyour
your discretion if you Y u have any J If the thegirl th thgirl thegirl
girl has to bo bobougl1t bought off buy her off offNever oreNever offNever
Never mind the figure Thats all I Ishall Ishall Xshall
shall dine up here hereKeeling hereKeeling hereKeeling
Keeling bowed and left the room roomways roomT
T HE atmosp atmosphere ere at the castle was al always always
ways a trifle electric on the occasions occasionswhen occl occasiiinswhen lons lonswhen
when his lordship had one of his attacks attacksof
of gout but the oldest inhabitant could couldnot cou couldnot d dnot
not recall a more exciting hour than that thatwhich thatWllich thatwhich
which followed breakfast on the third thirdday tMrdday thirdday
day after Keelings departure i It Itwas Itwas111s was washis washis
his lordships custom to read his Sport Sporting SportIng Sporting ¬
ing Life ae nesubscribed subscribed to the Times Timesbut TJmesbut Timesbut
but he read the Sporting Life immediately imme immediately imm immdlately ¬
diately after that meal On this morn morning mo1 mo1ing morning ¬
ing Tom the footman removing the thebreakfast thebreakfast thebreakfast
breakfast things was surprised sull > rlsedt to hear heara
a sort of combination of roar and groan groanproceed groanproceed groanproceed
proceed from his lordship Looking up uphe up uphe uphe
he saw that thatthe the latters face was a rich richpurple richpurple richpurple
purple and that his lIs eyes were bulging bulgingapoplectically bulgingapoplectfcal1y bulgingapoplectically
apoplectically He was moving to offer offerassistance offerassistance offerassistance
assistance when the bulging eyes sud suddenly suddenly suddenly ¬
denly met his and the earl becoming becomingaware becomingaware becomingaware
aware of his presence ordered him from fromthe fromthe from fromthe
the room with a stream of forceful forcefulwords forcef forcefulwords l lwords
words Tom stood not upon the order orderof orderof orderof
of his h Is going goingThe goIngThe goingThe
The paragraph which had disturbed disturbedhis disturbedhis disturbedhis
his lordship so extremely was headed headedInteresting headedInteresting headedInteresting
Interesting Wedding And In his hislordships hislordships hislordships
lordships opinion that did not over overstate overstate overstate ¬
state the case The paragraph ran as asfollows asronows asfollows
follows
itA A wedding of great Interest to lovers loversof loversof
of sport was solemnized yesterday at St StAndrews stAndrows StAndrews
Andrews church Walthamstow when whenthe whenthe whenthe
the Hon Lionel Carr only son of the theEarl theEarl theEarl
Earl of Drexdale the well known sport sporting sporting sporting ¬
ing peer was quietly married to Mar Marcaret Margaret Margaret
garet daughter of Nathaniel J Trenton
of AustinvIlle Texas U S A Mr Keeling a friend friendof friendof friendof
of the bridegroom acted as best man The bride bridewas bridewas bridewas
was given away by her father Both Mr Trenton Trentonand Trebtonand Trentonand
and the Hon Mrs Carr are members of Colonel WH WHberforces WI WIberforces VIi VIiberorces
berforces Prairie Days Company now performing performingat p rformlng rformlngat
at Olympia where the brides wonderful feats in inthe Inthe inthe
the saddle have been attracting so much attentionAfter attention attentionAfter attentionAfter
After the ceremony the happy pair left In an auto automobile automobile automobile ¬
mobile for Wales rales where the honeymoon will be bespent bespent 1 1spent
spent spentAt spentAt spentAt
At eleven oclock precisely Lord Drexdale made a acoherent acoherent acoherent
coherent remark remarkhis his first That remark was When WhenKeeling WhenKeeling WhenKeeling
Keeling returns send him to me meIn meIn meIn
In rehearsing scenes In our minds before they theytake theytake theytake
take place we are apt to err chiefly as regards the thoattitude theattitude theattitude
attitude of the other party We Ve assign to him a cer certain certaIn certain ¬
tain deportment and allow our imaginations to run runaccordingly runaccordingly runaccordingly
accordingly Such scenes as a rule turn out other otherwise otherwise otherwise ¬
wise than we have anticipated owing to the other otheractors otheractors otherActors
actors independent treatment of his role Lord LordDrexdale LordDrexdale LordDrexdale
Drexdale made this mistake Even when ho had a aclear nclear aclear
clear conscience Keelings demeanor was wont to tobe tobe tobe
be humble With this frightful burden on his soul soulLord soulLord soulLord
Lord Drexdale expected him to cringe And he did didnot dle1not didnot
not cringe cringeThe cringeThe cringeThe
The Keeling who entered the room at fivethirty fivethirtythat fivethirtythat fivethirtythat
that evening was subtly different from the Keeling Keelingwho Keelingwho Keelingwho
who had left the castle three days before His back backseemed backseemed backseemed
seemed straighter There was a curious light in hismild his hismild hismUd
mild eye Almost the light of battle No good but butler butler butler ¬
ler Is ever perky If he were perky he would not notbe notbe notbe
be a good butler But truth compels one to admit admitthat admitthat admitthat
that Keeling as he stood meeting the Basilick stare starein stareIn starein
in his lordships protruding eyes came as near to tobeing to tobeing tobeing
being perky perl y as it is possible for a good butler to tocome tocome tocome
come comeWell
Well 1 said Lord Drexdale In a calmbeforethestorm calmbeforethe calmbeforethestorm calmbeCorethestorm
storm voice which might have occasioned the boldV boldVest bold boldest boldest
est a tremor tremorYour tremorYour tremorYour
Your lordship has read the announcement announcementLord announcementLord announcementLord
Lord Drexdales feelings feel1ngsburst burst their dam He Hespoke Hespoke Hespoke
spoke his mind Years of acquaintance with turf turfcircles turfcircles turfcircles
circles had given him the power of expressing him himself bhuselt hilu hiluself ¬
self with a certain generous strength strengthYou strengthYou strengthYou
You old fool It he shouted You moth motheaten motheatenmonument motheatenmonument eaten eatenmonument
monument of Imbecility You stand there and calm calmly calm calmlyYou calmlyYou
ly lyYou You mummy You dodderer You You1 You1If 4
ti
c u uWhat
If your lordship lordshipWhat lordshlpUVbat
What did you get g t out of it What did they pa7 pa7you p pap papyou y yyou
you Eh No Youre too great a fool to be 3
i