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If II I I t T E ER R ATl A ARAY RsY Y M A1G G A Z Zl 1 3SPE 3SPEProvide NEProvidence G GI
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Provide Providencea11d Providence nee a and ri < the Butler Bu tIer
f 66 IS Lordship wishes to see seeyou Do you imagine I didnt thinkYotb think thinkof tb1nkII
II H you Mr Keeling KeelingKeeling B By P P G WODEHOUSE W 0 D E H a USE of that I wired the moment Igot I got gotthis
Keeling butler to the theEarl y this letter Theres his answer answerHe answer answerEarl usWerEarl
Earl of Drexdalo rose slowly from fromthe He says he is very sorry but be isthe is isin
the chair cha r In which hich he had been on in bed with a severe attack of ton
F4 Joying his afternoon sleep and toddled toddledoff toddledoff
I off down the passage The footman who whohad whohad whohad
had brought the message watched him himpass hImI himpass
I pass through the redbarge door which whichmarked whIchmarkod whichmarked
< marked the boundary boun ary of the servants servantsquarters servantBq servantsquarters
quarters quartersJane q quartersJane unrters unrtersJune
Jane he said to one of the house housemaids housemal housemaids ¬
maids mal s who had appeared from nowhero nowheroow
ow old is old Keeling KeelingBlessed KeolingDlessed KeelingBlessed
Blessed if I know said Jane Ive Ivebeen Ivebeoll Ivebeon
been here since 1 was vas a 0 little bit of a aslip aslip aslip
slip of a thing and ho was just the same samethen samethon samethen
then thenPoor
Poor old feller said the footman footmanWhy footmanVhy footmanWhy
Why poor old feller fellerCos fellerCos fellerCos
Cos hes got to go and see his lord lordship lordship lordship ¬
ship shipIs
Is his lordship in one of his moods moodsTom moodsTom moodsTom
Tom TomolHls
TomHis
olHls His lordship said Tom with empha emphasis emphar emphasis ¬
r sis is in about eighteen of em at once onceThe ollceI oticerho
+ I rho guidebooks wore wont to assert assertthat assertthat assertthat
that the most interesting sight to be ireseen beseen hesecn
seen at Drexdale Castle was the thir thirteenth thlrtoonth thir thirteenth ¬
teenth contury crypt They wore wrong wrongTo wro wrongTo lg lgTo
To the really thoughtful visitor the theohiof theohioC theohlof
ohiof object of interest was Keeling As Asa Asa Asa
a matter of fact Keeling ocHng looked a good gooddoal gooddoal gooddeal
doal older than the crypt His air of ofantiquity ofantiquity ofantiquity
antiquity and permanence was more moremarked morel moremarked
marked Nobody Nobodynot not even James the thehead thebond thehoad
l
head gardener who had been at the castle cas castlo caaI
tie for twentyfive years know when he hehad hehad hehad
had first come to the place When WhenJames WhenJames VhenJumos
I
James was a sprightly young gardeners gardenersboy gardenersboy gardenersboy
boy Keeling had been exactly the same sameso sameso sameso
so James asserted as he was now Keel Keeling Keeling Keellug
ing was not a mere butler utlor He was an anheirloom unheIrloom anheirloom
heirloom a part of the estate It was be believed belIovod beileved ¬
lieved that he knew more about the his history hIstory history ¬
tory of the Drexdale family than anyman anymanuving anymanHYing anymanuving
uving It was his hobby He worship worshipped worshIpped worshipped ¬
ped the Drexdale blood He knew the thefamily theamny thefamily
family history back to the days of Ed Edward Edward Edward ¬
ward the Confessor He dated events eventsby eventsby eventsby
by the length of time that had elapsed elapsedsince elapsedsinco
since the present earl had fallen down downstairs dowllstulls downstairs
stairs and sprained his ankle or the theeleventh theolevonth theeleventh
eleventh earl had fought furiously with
his small brother in the stable loft over overa
a disputed guineapig The faithful old oldservant oldsurvant oldservant
servant of the melodramas m l d1 m was a par ¬
vonu compared with Keeling Footman Footmonmight FootmanmIght Footmanmight
might come and footmen might go but he went on onforever onforover onforever
forever foreverHaving foroverHaving foreverHaving
Having negotiated the distance to his lordships lordshipsstudy lordshipsstudy lordshipsstudy
study at his best pace pacefor for a summons to the pres presence presonco presonce ¬
once In the afternoon meant that Important matters mattersware mattersworo matterswere
ware toward towardKeeling Keeling tapped upon the door A Aquerulous Aquerulous Aqu
querulous qu rulous bellow from within bade him enter enterJohn enterJohn enterJohn
John twelfth Earl of Drexdale was seated in an anarmchair anarmchair anarmchair
armchair by the window He was a short redfaced redfacedman rodfacedman redfacedman
man inclined to stoutness He wore a ragged grey greybeard greybearel greybeard
beard Those who knew Keelings devotion to the theproud theproud theproud
proud name of the Drexdales often wondered what whathis whathIs whathis
his opinion of the present earl might be Both as asregarded asrogarded asregarded
regarded manners and appearance Lord Drexdale Drexdalewould Drexdalewould Drexdalewould
would have made an excellent bookmaker or publi pubifcan publican publfcan ¬
can In his youth his position and the blameless blamelessreputation blamelessreputation blamelessreputation
reputation of his father a cabinet minister and a afamous n nfnmous afamous
famous philanthropist had led society to welcome welcomehim welcomehim welcomehim
him with a friendly smile The friendly smile had hadchanged hadohanged hadchanged
changed to a blank stare within the space of four fouryears fouryoars fouryears
years and now the best the society papers could couldfind couldfind couldfind
find to call him was that well known sporting sportingpeer sportingpoer sportingpoor
peer Which lhich was a polite way of intimating that thathis thathis thathis
his friends and associates today were the scum of ofthe ofthe ofthe
the race course courseOUT courseBUT courseB
BUT B OUT UT whatever Keelings views may have been he heconfided heconfided heconfided
confided them to none A Drexdale however far he hemight homigh hamight
might t have fallen from the Drexdale standard was wasa wasIt wasa
a sacred subject immune from from criticism criticismCome criticismHCome criticismCome
Come in cant you Shut the door Dont stand standthere standthero standthere
there half in and half out gaping at me like a fish fishAh tlshAh fishAh
Ah AhThe
The last remark was elicited by a sudden twinge twingeof
of pain In the foot which rested swathed In band bandages bandages bandages ¬
ages on a pile of cushions for his lordship was suf suffering sufforing suffering ¬
fering from one of his frequent attacks of gout goutYour goutYour goutYour
Your lordship wished to see mo moOf moOf meOf
Of course I wished to see you For Heavens Heavenssake Heavenssalce Heavenssalve
sake man cant you close your mouth Is it abso absolutely absolutely absolutoly ¬
lutely necessary for you to gape at me like that thatThats thatrhats thatThats
Thats better Keeling I want you to go up to Lon London London London ¬
don by the first train tomorrow tomorrowTo tomorrowTo tomorrowTo
To London your lordship lordshipYes JordshipccYes lordshipYes
ccYes Yes to London Youve heard of the place I Isuppose Isuppose rR rsuppose
R suppose Here read this letter This will explain explainCurse explainCurse explainCurse
Curse the young fool I might have known ho hewould howould howould
would be making an idiot of himself if I left him out outof outr outOf
of r my sight Read it Its from Colonel Brant who whowas whowas whowas
was here for the shooting last year yeari
i
Master Jack ackLord Lord Drexdale started at the once familiar address How Howmany Howmany Howmany
many years had slipped by since Keeling had called him that 1
Keeling took the letter and fumbled in his pocket pocketfor pocketfor pocketfor
for his spectacles Lord Drexdale watching his man maneuvres maneuvres maneuvres
euvres with growing impatience impatienceDamn impatienceDamn impatienceDamn
Damn it man he broke out I cant wait all allday 011day allday
day Give me the letter Ill read it to you Its Itsabout Itsabout Itsabout
about Lionel Lionelearl LIonelK LionelK
K r ELING bowed The Hon Lionel only son of the theearl theearl
earl was a pale laIc nervous young man who had been beenhullied beenbulUed beenbullied
bullied through a sickly boyhood by his father and andwas andwas andwas
was now drifting aimlessly about London Keeling Keelingwho Keelingwho Keelingwho
who had known him from his cradle had an affec affection affection affectien ¬
tion for him apart from the fact that he was a Drex Drexdale Drexdale Drexdale ¬
dale Lionel was quiet and diffident and quietness quietnessand quIetnessand quietnessand
and diffidence were a 0 welcome change from the thecommon thecommon thecommon
common run of manners at the castle castleThis castleThis castleThis
This is what he says said Lord Drexdale tak taking taking taking ¬
ing the letter Ill skip the enquiries after my mygout mygout mygout
gout Here Is the part I want you to hear I think thinkif thInkIf thinkif
if you feel well enough for the trip I should run up upto upto upto
to town for a day or two if I were you It might mighthe mightbe mightbe
be just as well If you kept an eye on the hope of ofthe ofthe ofthe
the Drexdales just now Last night after we had haddined hadl1ned haddined
dined together at the club Lionel in a communica communicative communicatlve communicative ¬
tive mood unbosomed himself to me Not to break breakit breakit breakit
it gently the young fool has fallen head over ears earsin earsin earsin
in love with a ady who however attractive is hard hardly hardly hardly ¬
ly in the rank of society from which I fancy you youwould youwould youwould
would prefer the future Lady Drexdale to be drawn drawnTo drawnTo drawnTo
To be exact she Is one of the performers In a sort sortof sortof sortof
of circusspectacle which Is now drawing the youth youthof youthof youthof
of the suburbs to Olympia Lionel showed me her herphotograph herlhotograpl1 herphotograph
photograph She seems to be deucedly good look looking lookIng looking ¬
ing and I gather from Lionel that she rides magnifi magnificently magnificontly magnificently ¬
cently If these qualities are all you demand from fromyour fromyour fromyour
your daughterinlnw well and good If not youd youdbetter youdbetter youdbetter
better come and stop the thing I cant help you youI
I sail tomorrow for Egypt That is how the matter matterstands matterstands matterstands
stands The next move is with you I hope your yourgout yourgout yourgout
gout Oh never mind my gout Thats all And Andabout Andabout Andabout
about enough I cant stir myself with this infernal infernalgout Infernalgout infernalgout
gout and youre the only man I can trust to look lookafter 1001tafter lookafter
after the interests of the family You may be a fool fooldont fooldont fooldont
dont gape man manbut but I know youve got our in interests Interests interests ¬
terests at heart heartIf heartIf heartIf
If I might suggest your our lordship lordshipWell lordshipWell lordshipWell
WellPerhaps Well WellPerhaps WellPerhaps
Perhaps a telegram directing Master Lionel to toreturn toreturn toreturn
return returnLord returnLord returnLord
Lord Drexdale Jerked his head toward the tahlel
colitis soli Us and his doctor forbids him to tomove tomove tomove
move Tonsolitls Bah I expect hes hessitting hO8sitting hossitting
sitting in the sixpenny sixp nny gallery cracking crackingnut crackingnuts crackingnuts
nut nuts and making sheepseyes at the girl girlas girlas girlas
as she jumps through paper hoops hoopsKeeling hoopsKeelIng hoopsKeeling
Keeling received this vivid piece of ofimagery ofimagery ofimagery
imagery in respectful silence silenceCatch slIenceCatch silenceCatch
Catch the first train tomorrow Keel Keeking Kechlng Keeling
ing Do you see Do you see man manVery ma maV manVery
Very V ry well Do what you OU think best Usa Usayour tJsoyour Use Useyour
your discretion if you have any If the thegirl th thgirl thegirl
girl has to bo bobougl1t bought off buy her off offNever offiNever offNever
Never mind the figure Thats all I Ishall Ishall Ishall
shall dine up here hereKeeling hereKeel1ng hereKeeling
Keeling bowed and left the room roomways roomTHE
9 THE HE atmosphere at the castle was RI RIways always
ways a trifle electric on the occasions occasionswhen occl occasionswhen dOns dOnswhen
when his lordship had one of his attacks attacksof
of gout but the oldest Inhabitant t could couldnot couldnot couldnot
not recall a more exciting hour than that thatwhich thatwllich thatwhich
which followed breakfast on the third thirdday thrdday thirdday
day after Keelings departure It Itwas ItwashIs was washis washis
his lordships custom to read his Sport Sporting SportIng Sporting ¬
ing Life ne nesubscribed subscribed to the TJmes TJmesbut TJmesbut Timesbut
but he read the Sporting Life immedtately imme immediately Immdiately ¬
diately after that meal On this morn morning mor morIng morning ¬
ing Tom the footman removing the thebreakfast thebreakfast thebreakfast
breakfast things was surprised surI > rJsedt to hear heara
a sort of combination of roar and groan groanproceed groanproceed groanproceed
proceed from his lordship Looking up uphe uphe uphe
he saw that the latters face was a rich richpurple rIchpurple richpurple
purple and that his eyes were bulging bulgingapoplectically bulgingapoplectlcal1y bulgingapoplectically
apoplectically He was moving to offer offerassistance oflerassistance offerassistance
assistance when the bulging eyes sud suddenly suddenly suddenly ¬
denly met his and the earl becoming becomingaware becomIngaware becomingaware
aware of his presence ordered him from fromthe fromthe from fromthe
the room with a stream of forceful forcefulwords forcefulwords forcefulwords
words Tom stood not upon the order orderof orderof orderof
of his h Is going goingThe goIngThe goingThe
The paragraph which had disturbed disturbedhis disturbedhis disturbedhis
his lordship so extremely extremel was headed headedInteresting headedInteresting headedInteresting
Interesting Wedding And in his hislordships hislordships hislordships
lordships opinion that did not over overstate overstate overstate ¬
state the case ase The paragraph ran as asfollows asfo11ows asfollows
follows followsA
A wedding of great interest to lovers loversof loversof loversof
of sport was solemnized yesterday at St StAndrews stAndrews StAndrews
Andrews church Walthamatow Va1tham tow when
the Hon Lionel Carr only son of f the theEarl theEarl
Earl of Drexdale the well known sport sportin sporting sporting
ing in c peer was quietly married to Mar ¬
garet daughter of f Nathaniel J Trenton Trentonof
of Austlnvllle Texas U S A Mr Keeling a friend friendof friendof friendof
of the bridegroom acted as best man The bride bridewas bridewas bridewas
was given away by her father Both Mr Trenton Trentonand Tretltonand Trentonand
and the Hon Mrs Carr are members of Colonel WH WHberforces Wiiberforces Vll Vllberforces
berforces Prairie Days Company now performing performingat
at Olympia where the brides wonderful feats In Inthe inthe inthe
the saddle have been attracting so much attention attentionAfter attentionAfter attentionAfter
After the thecercmony ceremony the happy pair left In an auto automobile automoblle automobile ¬
mobile for Wales where the honeymoon will be bespent bespent bespent
spent spentAt spentAt spentAt
At eleven oclock precisely Lord Drexdalo made a acoherent a acoberent acoherent
coherent remark remarkhis his first That remark was When WhenKeeling WhenKeeling VhenKeeling
Keeling returns send him to me meIn meIn meIn
In rehearsing scenes in our minds mIn s before they theytake tbeytake theytake
take place we are apt to err chiefly as regards the theattitude theattitude theattitude
attitude of the other party We Ve assign to him a cer certain certain certamn ¬
tain deportment and allow our Imaginations to run runaccordingly runaccordingly runaccordingly
accordingly Such scenes as a rule turn out other otherwise otherwise otherwise ¬
wise than we have anticipated owing to the other otheractors otheractors otheractors
actors independent treatment of his role Lord LordDrexdale LordDrexdale LordDrexdale
Drexdale made this mistake Even when he had hadclear a aclear aclear
clear conscience Keelings demeanor was wont to tobe tobe tobe
be humble With this frightful burden on his soul soulLord soulLord soulLord
Lord Drexdale expected him to cringe And he did didnot dlelnot didnot
not cringe cringeThe crIngeThe cringeThe
The Keeling who entered the room at fivethirty fivethirtythat fivethirtythat fivethirtythat
that evening was was i subtly different from the Keeling Keelingwho Keellngwho Keelingwho
who had left the castle three days before His back backseemed backseemed backseemed
seemed straighter There was a curious light in his hismild hismUd hismild
mild eye Almost the light of battle No good but butler butler butler ¬
ler is ever perky If he were perky he would not notbe notbe notbe
be a good butler But truth compels one to admit admitthat admitthat admitthat
that Keeling as he stood meeting the Basllick stare starein stareIn stareIn
in his lordships protruding eyes came as near to tobeing t tbeing tobeing
being perky as it is possible for a good butler to tocome tocome tocome
come comeWell
Well said Lord Drexdale in a calmbeforethe calmbeforethestorm calmbetore calmbeforethestorm tIie tIiestorm
storm voice which might have occasioned the bold boldest bold boldest boldest ¬
est a tremor tremorYour tremorYour tremorYour
Your lordship has read the announcement announcementLord announcementLord announcementLord
Lord Drexdales feelings feeUngsburst burst their dam He Hespoke Hespoke Hespoke
spoke his mind Years of acquaintance with turf turfcircles turfcircles turfcircles
circles had given him the power of expressing himself him himself hImself ¬
self with a certain generous strength strengthYou strengthIIYou strengthYou
IIYou You old fool he shouted You motheatenmonument moth motheaten motheatenmonument eaten eatenmonument
monument of Imbecility You stand there and calmlyYou calm calmly calmlyYou ¬
ly lyYou You mummy You dodderer You1 You1If You YouIf 4 4If
If your lordship lordshipWhat lordshipWhat 11 11Vhat
What did you get g t out of It What did they pay rayyou payyou payyou
you Eh No Youre too great a fool to obe be 3 aj
fI