Search America's historic newspaper pages from 1836-1922 or use the U.S. Newspaper Directory to find information about American newspapers published between 1690-present. Chronicling America is sponsored jointly by the
National Endowment for the Humanities and the Library of Congress. external link Learn more
Image provided by: University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign Library, Urbana, IL
Newspaper Page Text
'JOKES FRESH FROM BROADWAY
Mrs. Murphy "Jim, you're
getting lazy, stupid, and sure,
what not. You know why, too.
It's all caused by drink."
Mr. Murphy (holding his head,
as usual) "An' sure, what of it?"
Mrs. Murphy "What of it?
You know right well you can't
get ahead if you keep on drink
ing." Mr. Murphy (trying to smile)
"You can't, eh? You can if
you drink enough." Jim Thornton.
Mrs. Nagg "You heartless
brute! I'm glad all men aren't
heartless. Your friend, Harry
Smith, isn't. He loved and hon
ored his wife. He's putting a
handsome tombstone on -her
grave. If I died, you wouldn't do
that much for me."
Husband "I wouldn't, eh? I'd
be glad to. "Shroede & Chapelle.
Interlocutor "Well, Bob, they
tell me your wife is shaving you
End Man "No, sah, No
Interlocutor "Why, how's
End Man "Well, you see, it's
dis way. De last time she shaved
me, she cut me up so much dat ah
had to fill mah mouf wid water to
see if mah face leaked." Ward &
Pessimist Isn't it awful these
days, to have to pay 38 cents a
pound for steak, and
Optimist (interrupting) Yes,
but isn't it tough, when you only
pay 10 cents a pound? A. D
Lady (to fat little boy)
Where were you born?- '.
Boy In America.
Lady Yes but what pant?
Boy All of me. Ward & Gur-ran.
IS FARM TRUST COMING?
"Farmers . must put business
into farming, or business men will
put farming into business."
This epigrammatic chunk of
philosophy"is uttered by Burt
Hall of Chicago, secretary of the
Council of Grain Exchanges.
Here is just what he means:
The ratio of production to con
sumption is steadily decreasing.
More and more, the farmer is
failing to meet the demand we
make upon him for the raw ma
terials of our food supply.
He can only meet the demand
by "putting business into farm
ing," by which is meant the adop
tion of the highest methods of
efficiency in every department.
"Slowly the mills of the courts
ground and only "gradually did
the majesty of the law (Sherman
law) assert itself." reports Cous
in Bill Taft. Betcherlife, Bill!
Slow as a funeral with the U. S.
supreme court officiating majes
tically at the grave