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The day book. (Chicago, Ill.) 1911-1917, February 21, 1912, Image 6

Image and text provided by University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign Library, Urbana, IL

Persistent link: http://chroniclingamerica.loc.gov/lccn/sn83045487/1912-02-21/ed-1/seq-6/

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HOW TO KILL OYSTERS
By the Office Boy
gee but dem perfessers no a lot.
bne uv urn now sez its croolty 2
annimels 2 eet live oisters an yu
gotta kill 'em befoar yu eatem
else yu aint no laidie er no gent
i guess that prof iz a wize gink
alrite an we better do ez weer
toald hense theese fue lines 2 let
f oaks' no how 2 kill the oister
1st ketch yer oister sez i grab
mister oister bi the throte &
choak 'im til he hollers wen hez
ded then throa him in yer faice an
wash yer hans & -faice cos oisters
iz soft an may squoosh up wen
squoze
er ef yu doart wanna choak the
pister stab 'im with a hat pin ef
yer a goil er of yer a he guy stab
im with a nife yu eet masht per
taters with
bujthair iz moar wais 2 kill a
oister than this, sum oisters iz
big & sum iz littel ennybodie
kin lite into a littel oister an beet
the life outen him but mehbe not
with a big oister
i never seen a oister wot wood
fite back but if wun done so then
you shood grab 'im with wun
mitt an smash 'imin de soler
plecksus wid de udder wun i
gess he wont fite back none then
2 be shure hes ded bite into
him befoar yu swaller 'im. ef he
doan squeel hes ded. ef he does
squeel he aint a oister cos oisters
cant squeel
uv coarse i doant meen cannd
i 1ters cos the perfesser doant sai
j u gotta kill them, i gess thaiv
bin ded sum time al rite al 'rite so
speek kindly uv the ded
the grate mistaik the whail
'maid wen he swallered Joanah
wuz that the whail hadn herd
from the perfesser & done croolty
2 annimels wen he swallered
Joanah alive, the whail shood
hev bit into Joanah 1st
the lyuns wuz 2 wise'fomaik
no mistaik like that, thai seen
Danyul wuz no ded wun hee wuz
2 mutch alive so thai didn bite
into Danyul. i say alius, be gen
tul with live wuns
i bleev the perfesser is o k this
time wen he sais a oister has
feelins. i no a lobbster hez cos i
got mi finger in a lobhsters feel
ins wunce & ouch it hurt like the
dickuns
& thairs no sens hurtin a ois
ters feelins lettin him go ker
plunk down in yer stummick
alive, better step on 'im er choake
im er stab im onlee doant shute
him with a shotgunn cos i doant
think hed like that
ennyhow alius be kind & gen
tul to annimels cept bumbel
beeze muels & ottomobeels thats
awl t willie
GIVE OUR REGARDS TO
BROADWAY S'NUFF
New York, Feb. 21, The
"wild and" woolly" west isn't in it
with this burg.
Last night, every man on the
New York police force, and every
private detective and would-be
detective in the city, was hunting
for the "taxicab bandits."
And while they were doing so,
the latter gentlemen held up and
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