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Newspaper Page Text
T VT-l '
By Fred Shaefer.
I appear before you tonight to
tell you what a'success I've made
in literature. I'm so literary that
I carry a pen wiper instead of a
Most of the things I wrote were
under non-de-plume. I did that so
the publishers wouldn't know but
what some sewer digger wrote
theminstead of a great author.
They never tumbled.
Once I wrote a novel called "Pie
Crust." The editor sent it back
saying it wasn't short enough.
A little thing about women's
rights entitled "Esmeralda's Ar
gument" was returned with a
note asking me if I considered it
an "Es" say. I replied that it was
no more an Es say than it was a
I also wrote that work called
"The Empty Schoolroom." It was
a class sickv '
One of the best sellers was
"The Clergyman Drummer!" But
it doesn't circulate as well as my
nature book, "The quirrej Cage"
You can pick up another vol
ume of mine in any second hand
book stall. It is called "Lord
Cornwallis.". "I intended:it for a J
novel, but the critics all say it is
really a Hissed Tory.
Some of my words are worth'
preserving because they're so
handsomely gotten up. My trea
tise on "Fraction" Was appropri
ately bound in half calf. Got it? '
A half calfxis a fraction of a calf.
Another of my books, "The
Broken Ulna Bone," is in boards.
A' frieiid of mine said : "What
does that mean that it comes in
"No." I answered. "A bo.ok"
bound in bqards is a. book bound
in cloth without the cloth'
"I see", said my friend, "and i -the
cloth were bound on it, it
would be a bandage."
, Good night !
LENTEN DISHES '
Broiled Oysters. Drain the de
sired number of oysters on a nap
kin for half an hour. Rub the
wires of your broiler with a piece
of suet or a little melted butter;
arrange the oysters on the broiler,
and" broil over a very clear fire,
turning the broiler often to pre
vent the juice from escaping.
Have ready some nicely buttered
toast; heap' the oysters on it and
sprinkle them lightly with pepper
and salt. Send to the table ac
companied by a Small dish of
Meatless Sandwiches. One
small can of pimentoes rinsed in
water, 1 onion, 1-2 pound nice,
cheese. Chop all together quite
fine. Butter the bread and serve
as usual. These are hearty