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The day book. (Chicago, Ill.) 1911-1917, May 29, 1912, Image 13

Image and text provided by University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign Library, Urbana, IL

Persistent link: http://chroniclingamerica.loc.gov/lccn/sn83045487/1912-05-29/ed-1/seq-13/

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THE FAT MAN
How Two Slim Fellows Used
" ; Him to Make Their Own
Way Clear.
"I adore fat men," declared
f Miss, Arthur, with italic empha
sis' on the "adore."
The two. youths who were
stretching -their long legs at her
fireside glanced at each other
sadly, but took comfort from the
fact that so far as they were con
cerned her statement was perfect
ly impartial.
"There is something so jolly
about a fat man," continued
Helen. "Everybody says they
make-the best husbands."
After this declaration the con
versation languished and "Henry
SmalLandBob Winters took their
'departure together soon after
ward. "How-much do you weigh,
Bob?" queried Henry, after a per
iod of silence.
"One hundred and sixty," re
plied Winters, who was nearly
six feet tall. ."All my family were
slim. ."Not much hope for me,"
he addd' sorrowfully. ',
"I never Wanted to be a fatty
before," remarked Small, mourn
fully, regarding . his own lanky
proportions.
After another long " silence
' Small 'spoke with a note of hope
" jn his voice. "She doesn't know
any fat men, does she?"
"Neyer saw any ' hanging
around the house," replied his
companion,
"Drop in at her house tomor
row," said Small, after another
period of deep thought. "I have
an idea."
Small refused further confi
dence, and his companion in sor
row arrived at the Arthurs' resi
dence the following evening ,
briming with curiosity. It was
gratified a .few minutes later,
when Henry Small entered with
the most rotund specimen of mas
culinity Winters had ever seen.
Not over five feet six inches
tall, the stranger looked as if he
might measure all that in dia
meter. His, round, pink face
glowed with recent shaving, and
his'.step jarred the chandeliers.
Small introduced him as Mr.
Alberts. Alberts began to make
his presence felt from the first.
His sponsor 'thoughtfully direct
ed him toward a little gilt chair,
upon which he seated himself
with results inevitable. Alberts
a'rose from the ruins about as
gracefully as art elephant climb
ing out of a conservatory.
Winters seized the opportunity
while he was still flustrated-to tell
a funny story. It was a good
story and well told; but "Alberts,
notwithstanding the sense of hu-
mor commonly associated with
his avoirdupois, missed the point.
After Miss Arthur had explain
ed it to him with some pains his
laughter was entirely too loud
and prolonged for a' parlor per
formance. And then the fire bell 'rang.
Going to fires was a hobby with
Miss Arthur. Its location was
out of reach of. trolleys; so they

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