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Newspaper Page Text
SATISFY THE FAMILY
Mr. Tompkins sought hfs fa
vorite leather chair, .kicked off his
shoes, slipped onhrsnew fancy
effect carpet clippers, andxeached
for the Evening Cablegram, wheri
his young daughter, Ethel, ad
dressed him: . r
"Pa, read the continued story,
about the Princess. Nerjssa,-aloud
to us, j)lease."
"No noj" growledTompkms,
"There's -nothing solid in such
milk-andrwater romance. Let's
see nowj-'Salvator wins' "
'Oh, pa," put uj young Teddy,
"rad the funny column "
Mr. Tqmpkins put on a frown
like-a bust,of Huxley.' "B-r-r!"
he' growled., "I want- Uo 'read
about the. Stockton Futurity."
Mrs. .Tompkins, cleared her
throat:. .'Surely you can find
something in the paper to inter
est .the entire family the em
broidery instructions Aunt
Liicy's Talks With the Children
the Sunday school-outline,' or
something," . . "
"Er let's see," sighed Tomp
kins, making the most of a bad
situation. "Here it is.This is
promising: 'Three Thousand
Slain in Cold Blo5d"
"Heaven save us !" exclaimed
"'A farmer in Louisiana fell
from a precipice 200feet high "
resumed Mr. " Tompkins, " 'and
landed in a hay "wagon, seyerely
bruising his right leg.r"
"Whew!" ' whistled Teddy.
"Wonder it didn't kill him."'
"'The owner of the vehicle be-
kins, R'and kicked the unfortu
nate farmer into the Gulf x?f Mex
ico .nearby, where a shark bit off
his left arm at the elbow.' "
"For the land's sake!" ex
claimed Mrs. Tompkins, dropping
her sewing. y ,
"Escapjpg frojtn the embrace
afrfcfce chilly water $ " Mr. Tomp
kins continued dramatically,
" 't)ie j)oor farmer jan along tjie
Texas sate. line unil he encoun
tered an insane negro, who cut
off-his right ear ith a razor.' "
"Jerusalem!" ' gasped little
' 'Pursued by the gigantic ne
gro, he ran until he" reached the
ed river, when -he fell into the
crimson water,- severely spraining
his left ankle,"-continued Mr.
Tompkins.' "'Tlje farmer was
then carried by 'the scarlet flood
to the"Mississ,ippi, where he land
ed safely: Inquiring' at a house
for breadr the-Jady scalded him
with -hot .water, V
-"Ain't he dead yet?" asked
Teddy. . -
"'At that he showed fight,'''
resurned'TompJdns, "but the lady
threw a red-hotad iron at him,
fearfully blistering his right
"Unfeeling woman!" comment
ed Mrs. Tompkins
" 'Whereuppnhe rushed intoa
nearby swamp, where he was bit
ten by three thousand of the terri
ble Yazoo-bugs. Our hero would
no doubt have given up and died
then andt there had not an aged
Indian cnief appeared with a bot
tle containing a mysterious sub
sJancewMcnspothed. -the bruis-