Search America's historic newspaper pages from 1789-1924 or use the U.S. Newspaper Directory to find information about American newspapers published between 1690-present. Chronicling America is sponsored jointly by the
National Endowment for the Humanities and the Library of Congress. external link Learn more
Image provided by: University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign Library, Urbana, IL
Newspaper Page Text
THE LAST RESORT.
A golfing He would go, so he
bought a very complete outfit at
a West Side store and spent sev
eral hours dressing, himself for
Then he hied himself to the
course and engaged a caddy to
carry his expensive set of clubs.
But he couldn't play golf, The
nearest he could get to hitting the
ball was lifting huge pieces of
turf, which the caddy sternly told
him had to be replaced.
After the seventeenth miss he
lifted a large square of grass, and,
holding it up, looked appealingly
at the caddy.
"What shall I do with this?" he
"I dunno, sir," said the caddy
in disgust, "unless you take it
hpme and practice on it!"
Tommy's pa bought him a toy
moose for his birthday. Two days
later the father found the moose
lying in a corner with both eyes
"My boy," asked the father,
more in sorrow than in anger,
"why have you spoiled that beau
tiful moose by pulling its eyes
'Didn't!" replied Tommy,
"Don't tell untruths," snorted
father, more in anger than sor
row, "or I'll punish you. Why did
you pull the moose's eyes out?"
"Didn't!' repeated Tommy, de
fiantly. Then he hurriedly eluci
dated, as his father reached for
his hickory cane, "I I PUSHED
AOl,ZZRE isssomc OFiwaae saKio
03).eRS.' X ALVAfS use to vtch "
uem -DST 350 SOMETIMES RIGHT
--viZLeven. VCTR.K- ' ?T
NOT SO BAD.
Two old college chums lost
sight of each other for years.
One-day one of them, down on
his luck, wora of face and of
clothes, entered a cheap .eatingJ
house and seated himsejf at a
"Yes sir?" asked the shabby
waiter briskly. ""
The customer looked up, andf
to his amazement, recognized his
Great bcott, man! he ex-J
claimed. Fancy you having sunk
to being" a waiter, arid in a place
like this, too !"
The waiter turned up his nose,
"Yes, I am a waiter," he replied
sarcastically,, "but, thank good-
nessX don't eat hereP