TOMMY'S FUNNYISMS
Tommy Goosenberry is about
the funniest little chap ever!
Why, just the other day his teach
er asked the class what a skeleton
was. Tommy raised his hand and
piped out:
"It's bones with people rubbed
off."
One evening his father scolded
him, ending with something to
tjie effect that everything he said
to Tommy went in one ear and
out the other.
"It's lucky I have that other
ear, isn't it, dad?" exclaimed
Tommy.
The next evening his father
asked: "What are you learning at
school now?"
"Oh, gozinta, chiefly," replied
Tommy.
"What's that? A new lan
guage?" 'Tommy (wearily): "No, just
gozmfa one gozinta two, two
gozinta four, three gozinta six,
like that."
One Sunday lasf summer the
preacher met Tommy on the
street and Tommy had a fishing
pole with him.
"Do you know wherg little boys
go who go fishing on the Sabbath
day?" asked the preacher.
"Yes, sir," replied Tommy.
"Follow me and I'll show you the
place."
Another time while he was
fishing a kind lady passed near
him and said: "I wonder what
your father would say if he
caught you fishihg"on Sunday?"
"I don't know," said Tommy.
"You'd better ask him. That's
him a little farther up."
The other morning Tommy
forgot to scrub his face before go
ing to school. The teacher no
ticed it and wishing to instruct
her pupils in the way of cleanli
ness, remarked: "Tommy, your
face is dirty this morning! What
would you say if I came to school
with a dirty face?"
"I'd be too perlite to say any
thing," exclaimed .Tommy.
o o
Jack Zelig, New York "gang
ster" and'Dist. Att'y Whitman's
chief witness in the police graft
trial, who was shot just before
the trial begun.
o o
"I think it an excellent idea,"
remarked the new lodger, as he
finished his sjup. "Ah !" said Mr.
Starvem, "not used to beginning
your dinner with soup, eh?"
"Soup? I thought it was hot
water-'to prevent dyspepsia."