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Newspaper Page Text
A FAMILY WINDFALL
Father had the rheumatism,
uncle had the gout, ba"by had the
measles and his skin was popping
out; sister had the whoop jngfj
cough, brother had the croup,
and grandma had sciatica from
sitting on the stoop.
Then there came a catalogue
describing all our ills, guaranteed
to cure 'em with a certain kind of
pills. So the family sent for some
and, when they came, 4hey took
and dosed themselves three times
a day, according to the book.
Two days later father jumped
as limber as a mouse, 'uncle kicked
a cannon ball oyer Johnsoti's
house ! Baby's measles went away
and sister stopped her cough,
while grandma felt so fine that
she took all her flannels off!
Now we're never sick at all, or
anything like that all the fat
folks getting thin, and thin folks
getting fat. All our appetites are
good we eat like cannibals, and
make a family living writing tes-ti-mon-i-als
! Tit-Bits. ,
. PROUD OF IT
The old-age pension officer had
a magnificent sense of .his own
importance and questioned the
old lady wtih a zeal that would
have done credit to the reporter
in search of a "scoop."
"And now," he proceeded,
drawing himself to his full
heighth of nearly five feet, "tell
me this. Have you ever been in
receipt of parish relief?"
"Never' answered the applicant.
AT MY CLUS I HAF TO
'TMKE A DE8ATINCS ON fit
DeR Question: "boss
I UGHTNINC TVJCG STRIKE
IMKCR SANG PLACE V
I NT KHOU) EFI SHAt
BC ON Ber )NF)R,MATIVe
OH ON 336R
nccuKENT Sl?.,v ,l
been in the hands of the police?
The lady hung her head, and
the officer smiled as much as to
say, "Got yer."
"Come on, come on; tell me
the truth," he commanded, fixing
ine woman wun nij? sie-iy eye. 01
"Well," replied the applicant
"I don't see that either you or the )
government iiave any business
know, but I don't deny it. Giri
will be girjs, you know. But stil
proudly he was a sergean
"Do you use condensed milk atf i
- i u - " !i
your nouser , ;
T euess so. We order a auan
a day, and the milkman squeeze
11 ' 1
it into a can that holds about ja.!
"'M'yes. Have you at any time'!