Search America's historic newspaper pages from 1789-1922 or use the U.S. Newspaper Directory to find information about American newspapers published between 1690-present. Chronicling America is sponsored jointly by the
National Endowment for the Humanities and the Library of Congress. external link Learn more
Image provided by: University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign Library, Urbana, IL
Newspaper Page Text
NTHE POOR TOOL'
By Berton Braley.
Of all of the nuisances known un
Since old Doctor Noah saw
worst it has been my mis
fortune to scan
Is always right near toiriy
And though I have tried it again
I never shall care for the post
It's sticky and clotted and gum
my and old,
It's cluttered with shavings dnd
In damp, muggy weather it's cov
ered with mould,
And though you may handle
You'll find-when you're through,
that your fingers all ten!
Are blackened with ink from!
the postoffice pen.
It scratches and sputters and
stutters in spots,
It spatters your cuffs and your
It tears through the paper, it
smudges and blots,
And a trail of distress it will
For never in all of humanity's ken
Could anyone write with a
v o o . ,
"I am a self-made man, I am."
"Well, I tiiiftk there is one
thing you needn't worry about'
"What is that?"
"Taking out a patent''
'i ' i
I ; LA
1 pXAYitf g Safe
Pykins and Jones really did not
want to fight at all. The nature
of their quarrel, however, seemed
to leave them no alternative. So
they fell valiantly to blows.
But poor little Pykirfs, being
much the smaller man of the two,
received most, of the knocks, anSP
spent a very unhappy naii-mut,-ute.
He was hugely delighted,
therefore, when some friendsH
rushed in and seized himself and
his rival firmly by the "shoulders,
Then, seeing: that Tones, his
blood now watrmed up by the fra&4
was making violent efforts to
break free, h$ called out:
"Mbre of you hold that man.
One's enough to tackle me!"