Search America's historic newspaper pages from 1789-1924 or use the U.S. Newspaper Directory to find information about American newspapers published between 1690-present. Chronicling America is sponsored jointly by the
National Endowment for the Humanities and the Library of Congress. external link Learn more
Image provided by: University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign Library, Urbana, IL
Newspaper Page Text
DISCOVERED! A LITTLE
INVENTOR OF EXCUSES
The man who probably invent
ed excuses was discovered in the
court of domestic relationsyes-
His name is Lincoln Webb; his
address 659 South State street.
He is 53 years old, and the father
of three children by Mary White,
who is not his wife.
Webb was before the court to
explain his soul-mate state, and a
report that he deserted his wife in
Cincinnati. He was quite frank
about it. '
"You see, judge, I haye been a
very busy and a very unfortunate
man," he said.
"How so?" asked fudge Gem
mill. "Well, V used to be in Jthe
United States secret service, and
your honor knows thatds a busy
"Why did you leave the secret
service?" asked Gemmill.
"I left it to become a'contrac
tor. I jput the furnaces in all the
penitentiaries in the country."
"Bqw did you manage to get
out of the penitentfariesafter go
ing inside one?" asked the judge.
"Oh, I always was careful to
et an ironclad contract,," sajd
trWell, what we want to know
about now is your contract with
this woman," said Gemmill.
'"Pra 4 coming to that, judge.
You see, it was like this:
"While I was working as a
contractor, I broke my ankle, and
my wife would not care for me.
So t had to have some one do it.
Also,. I needed a stenographer, to
do my contracting for me while
I was laid Up. So I got Miss
"But a broken ankle doesn't
last forever,," said Gemmill.
"But after it was healed I got
rheumatism in it, judge," 'said
"Even -rheumatism .can be
cured," suggested the, judge.
"Yes, I know, judge, but after
.the rheumatism was getting well,
I lef; a. trunk fall on that ankle
and broke it again."
"And then?" asked Gemmill.
"And then I got typhoid fever,
and my wife wouldn't nurse me,
and so.agairtT got Miss White to
"How bad was your typhoid?"
asked the court.
- "Very bad, your honor. I lay
at the Very point of death four
"Well, how do you support
yourself and Miss White?" ask
ed Gemmill. "That's what I want
to get at."
"Oh, X get a little money from
"Indeed!" said Gemmill. "And
how does that come about?" ,.
"Qh, I know Michael F. Mc
Goverh, who is Peter Bartzen's
"Isn't that nice?" said, Gem
mill. "Yes," said4 Webb, "and Bart
zen's looking Out for me now. He
told me to tell you that it was all
right and that he would send
some one up to fix it up with you."
"This is getting intensely in
teresting," said Gemmill "Per-