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Newspaper Page Text
A BUNCH OF JABS
Being a "Love God With Gold
Teeth" seems to be even a better
business thanbeing a private
banker until you are caught.
Still, Gorham Tufts, Jr., prob
ably now has a 'woikiflg .knowl
edge of the folly of marrying
early and often.
Keeping on the same subject,
why in thunder is it that all these
"Love Cods," "Black Rose Cults"
and "Absolute Life" nuts seem to
come from Chicago ?
Certain' newspapers seem to
have gfven up eliminating Bryan
and taken to eliminating Roose
velt with about as much success.
That great organ of society and
big business, The Tribune, ap
pears to be afflicted with.a severe
case of anti-private-bankitis, ,
Far be it frpm us to throw om
advice free gratis and for noth.
ing but we shallsay that if' we
were running a private bank we'd
Watching the Hon. A,A. Mc
Cormick day by day, we are be
ginning to realise the full uses of
an axe. '
In passing, it might be men
tioned that the large and former
ly well-doing family of Bartzens
likewise realize the same.
The American remarks that
London's Picadilly square will
soon be pUt-rivalled by Chicago's
-Wfc used to live in London, and
we rise to remark that we never
heard of a Picadilly square there,
although we heard much and
often of a certain Picadilly Cir
And we rise further right up
on the desk to remark that we
fervently hope that Michigan ave
nue will never out-rivaj Picadilly
Circus, even although Jack John
son's home is so dpggone near
"Mansions, not stables, should
be provided for cows. They de
serve better housing than a man."
Dr. Cassius Way, sanitary ex
pert Doc Way starts his argument
by saying that cows are the "arti
ficial mothers of the race."
All right, Doc. We'll put the
artificial mothers in palaces;-and
let the real mothers sleep in the
"Police Lieutenant Becker, of
New York, is suffering fof the
sins of society."" Lincoln Stef-V
Probably that's just what
Benedict Arnold suffered for, too. ""
Austria and Servia are still
playing tag with each other, but
we refuse to press-agent for them.
Attorney General Wicker
sham's report says that U. S. will
sue Harriman roads for $500,000,
000 worth of oil lands.
What's Wickersham trying io
do? Make Judge Landis' $29,
000,000 fine sound like a feeble
Things we should -worry about J
The American's argument over
which nation has the prettiest
Restaurant Chef The Irish
stew has burned. Proprietor
Well, put some spice in it and add
a la Francaise to ks name.