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Newspaper Page Text
LATE AT NIGHT
Ebenezer Jacobson was rather
late going home. He had a 12
pound turkey under his right
arm, and in his left hand grasped
the ticket for admission to a soup
kitchen. An assortment of choco
lates and hgs filled his great coat
pocket. In frantic haste he sud
denly recollected that he was
about five hours behind the time
he promised Bertha to be home.
He dashed past the ticket inspec
tor and cleverly zigzagged into
the wrong train. The fact that
this was not Mr. Jacobson's usual
station of departure, the afore
said ticket collector was suspic
ious at the sight of him and am
bled into the car behind him.
"Wher's your ticket, sir?'
demanded officiously from
"Did you shee me getinere?"
asked Jacobson with one eye
"Of course I did, and you have
"Haven't you ever seen me be
fore?" "Certainly not," roared the in
spector. "Well, then, how d'you know
Dobson Rogers is compara
tively rich, isn't he? Tobson
That depends upon whether you
use me as a standard of compar
ison or Mr. Carnegie.
Chicagoan has invented a com
bination knife and fork. Goody!
We can now see a way to lift both
the crust and insides of pie.
NOTHING IN A NAME
Mr. Grouch was in an unusually
bad humor because he had not
been able to get home for his
Christmas dinner. -
"Look here, waiter," said he,
scowling deeply over his plate, "I
ordered turtle soup. There isnt
even a morsel of turtle flavor in
"Of course not," returned the
waiter. "What do you expect?
Shakespeare said there, was noth
ing in a name. If you ordered cot-j
tage pudding, would you expect
a cottage in it? You can't expect
to come in heje and order a
Christmas dinner for 50 cents and
have a Christmas tree thrown ittTl
Any tea, sir?