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Newspaper Page Text
LET'S NOT HAVE A CIGAR
Let's have a cigar. Sure, let's
have cigars all 'round. The
cigar planters and growers gave
the country a big crop in 1912,
and, under the good old law of
supply and demand, cigars and
tobacco should be cheaper.
The government bureau of sta
tistics says the tobacco crop of
1912 aggregated 962,855,000 lbs.,
as against a crop of 905,109,000
in 1911, and in that excess there
ought to be several smokes of one
kind or another.
So, let's have a cigar all 'round,
Mr. Cigar Dealer. What? To
bacco gone up? Price higher
than it was last year? And right
in the face of an increased sup
ply? Well, well, what do you
know about that? Tobacco trust
was declared unconstitutional,
wasn't it? Then what becomes
of that good old law of supply
and demand? Oh, that has been
declared unconstitutional, too,
eh? Thanks, one cigar will do
alfalfa if you have it.
KNEW HIS BUSINESS
Peddler Please, mum, I'm a
sellin' a polish to clean silver.
Housekeeper (sharply) I do
not want any.
Peddler Very sorry, mum ;
but I see the neighbors were
right. They said there was no use
callin' here, 'cause you didn't have
Housekeeper (wildly) Give
me six boxes !"
Bald heads are better than
WOMAN, DEAR WOMAN
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At a theater where melodrama
is the order of the night, a scene
shifter lowered a curtain a few
moments too soon on a lengthy
death scene. The dying actor
turned reproachfully toward him.
"Half a moment, old chap," he
whispered, hoarsely, "I'm not
dead yet." "Well, hurry up," said
the other, audibly, "I've got a hot
supper waitin' for me."