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Newspaper Page Text
A DIFFERENT THING
Henry Hawkins, Jr., was about
to be married, and on the eve of
this momentous occasion he was
discussing the forthcoming event
with his father.
"Well, father," he was saying,
"I must confess that I don't feel
so sure this marriage business as
I did at first. In fact, I'm funk
ing it altogether."
"Nonsense, my boy!" respond
ed his parent. "What do you
mean ? Maudie's a nice girl, with
a little'money and plenty of com-mOn-sense.
What more do you
"Oh, yes, I admit that!" re
plied Henry junior. "But it's all
very fine for you to talk, father.
You married my mother; but I'm
matrying a total stranger!"
verte ss oe
ARNICA ? I JUST
HOW P6CL OUDT
THE RULING PASSION
To the lady who had captured
his heart he asserted he was a
peer of the realm. And because
he wore evening dress so fre--quently,
she believed he spoke the
truth. But, alas! the dress he
wore was but his uniform at the
'Twas one pleasant September
evening, and they sat in the park
together. He was tired, for, truth
to tell, the day had been a trying
one, and carrying plate after plate
of roast mutton and boiled beef is
not the lightest of tasks. He
But his lady love was not to be
"Tell me, dear one," she wihs
pered, "do you love me?"
"Love you?" he murmured
drowsily. " 'Course I do!"
"How much?" she begged.
"How much?" he repeated.
"Lemme see, sir. Roast mutton,
potatoes, bread ; 20 cents, please !"'
A man calling on his butcher to
order something for dinner was
asked if he would like to have a
saddle of mutton. "Why," said
he, "would it not be better to have
a bridle, as I should then certain
ly stand a better chance of getting
d bit in my mouth?"
Jorkins What would you do if
you had a son like mine? Digby
I'd work hard to get to be a
millionaire. Jorkins What, 'so
that you could indulge his tastes?
Digby No; so that he'd feel it
when I disinherited him.