Search America's historic newspaper pages from 1836-1922 or use the U.S. Newspaper Directory to find information about American newspapers published between 1690-present. Chronicling America is sponsored jointly by the
National Endowment for the Humanities and the Library of Congress. external link Learn more
Image provided by: University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign Library, Urbana, IL
Newspaper Page Text
7 J I klHtwuew iron a viece of g
a Ik P R.Y "BpeR . Ysar, tp
HE WAS SURE
The afternoon was very tiring,
ani the teacher was almost worn
out trying to drum the elements
of' grammar into the wooden
craniums of her pupils.
"Now, Johnny," she said wear
ily, "tell me would it be proper
for you to say: 'You can't learn
Johnny looked thoughtful for
a moment, and then replied in a
tone of conviction:
The teacher sighed.
"Why, Johnny?" she asked.
"Tell me why?"
And the answer came quick
" 'Cause yer can't!"
When Smith's house caught
fire the first thing he did was to
rush out to seek help from his
neighbors. Already there were
two upon the scene.
"I say," he cried anxiously to
one of them, "will you rush to the
corner and give the alarm ?"
"Awfully sorry," was the reply,
"my leg's very bad. Can't move."
"Well, look here," said Smith
to the other. "Would you mind
running to the corner and shout
ing 'FireP while I get a few
things out of the house ?"
"Sorry, also," 'same the re
sponse. "I'm suffering from
frightful sore throat. Couldn't
make any noise if I tried all
"Oh," said Smith. "I'm sorry
myself that you can't help me."
Then he added, with biting sar
casm : "Suppose you go and fetch
out easy chairs and enjoy the
The friend had dropped in to
see D'Auber, the great animal
painter, put the finishing touches
on his latest painting. He was
mystified, however, when D'Au
ber took some raw meat and rub
bed it vigorously over the painted
rabbit in the foreground.
"Why on earth did yon do
that ?" he asked.
"Why, you see," explained
D'Auber, "Miss Millions is com
ing to see this picture today.
When she sees her pet poodle
smell that rabbit and get excited
over it, she'll buy it on the spot"