Search America's historic newspaper pages from 1789-1924 or use the U.S. Newspaper Directory to find information about American newspapers published between 1690-present. Chronicling America is sponsored jointly by the
National Endowment for the Humanities and the Library of Congress. external link Learn more
Image provided by: University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign Library, Urbana, IL
Newspaper Page Text
OHX we ss
vDCR OOD SHIT
OUT OF THE QUESTION
The sportsman strode into the
butcher shop, and with the air of
a man who means business, said:
"Can vou sell me a nice plump
uck?" "I'm sorry I haven't a
iduck left, sir," replied the butcher.
'I m sorry ; my wife Oh, ex
cuse me, sir, interrupted the
Jiutcher, "but here are some very
line sausages that I can hisrhlv
ecommend. I'm sure vour wife
ould be delighted with them."
'Sausages be blowed!" yelled the
ortsman ; 'how can I go and tell
y wife I Shot sausages?"
Teacher Johnny, what is a
lypocrite? Johnny A boy wot
mes to school with a smile on
HE WAS WISE
He was an actor enjoying p.
long period of rest from labor,
and this fact by no means com
mended him as a son-in-law to
the father of the young lady
whom he had vowed to woo and
Her father at one time played
football, and he was heard to de
clare that if ver he caught the
young Thespian whispering
words of love in his daughter's
ear he would show that his foot
had lost none of its power.
One night recently the young
couple were locked in each other's
arms in the garden when they
heard the gate click and the sound
of heavy footsteps.
"I must go, sweetheart," he
murmured, imprinting a kiss 0:1
her ruby lips.
"Why, Gerald, dear ? Is it your
art that calls you? Are you, then,
fonder of the stage than of me?"
"No, no. I swear it is not so.
But but something within me
tells me that I must go now be
fore the foot-lights."
Entering a train in which there
was a very lively wedding part-,
a woman was deeply offended by
remarks concerning her which
she overheard. By-and-by, how
ever, she had her turn, the rude
ness having got beyond her en
durance. She had noticed that the
bride was considerably older than
the bridegroom, so she turned
toward her and in a most civi!
tone said: "Madam, will you
please ask your son to remove his
feet from the seat?"