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Newspaper Page Text
A man visiting a lunatic asy
lum became deeply interested in
one of the patients, who he
thought was very smart. The vis
itor thought it i. scandal that he
should be detained.
"Sit down," he said, "and we
will talk your case over."
The inmate continued t i stand.
"Why don't you sit down?"
asked the visitor.
"I can't sit down; there isn't
any toast," replied the other.
"Not any toast!" said the vis
itor in astonishment.
"No; you see I'm a poached
Waiter Steak not tender? Do
you expect it to jump up and kiss
. . ii i i i i tmmm i i i n iiwi
I (ftoNSTfcni!) jr
COUPLE OF WHOPPERS!
Eugene Field, humorist, while
at a dinner in London, was rung
into a conversation on lynching
in the U. S. It was a general opin
ion that a large percentage of
Americans met their death at the
end of hemp ropes. Finally the
hostess turned to Field and said:
"You, sir, must have often seen
"Yes," replied Field. "Hun
dreds of them."
"Oh, do tell us about a lynch
ing you have seen yourself,"
broke in a half dozen voices.
"Well, the night before I start
ed for England," said Field, "I
was giving a dinner at a hotel to
a party of intimate friends, when
a colored waiter spilled a bow! of
soup over the gown of a lady at
an adjoining table. The gown
was utterly ruined, and the gen
tleman at once seized the waiter,
tied a rope around his neck, and,
at a signal from the injured lady,
swung him up in the air."
"Horrible!" said the hostess,
with a shudder. "And did you ac
tually see this yourself?"
"Well, no," admitted Field,
apologetically. "Just at that mo
ment I happened to be down
stairs killing the chef for putting
mustard in the blanc-mange."
- o o
"I suppose," said the man in
the yellow ulster, trying to be
chummy, "it doesn't hurt your
glass eye when you get anything
in it?" "Does it look as if it would
ever be likely to have a pane in
it?" responded the other, frigidly.
And he gave him a glassy stare,