Search America's historic newspaper pages from 1836-1922 or use the U.S. Newspaper Directory to find information about American newspapers published between 1690-present. Chronicling America is sponsored jointly by the
National Endowment for the Humanities and the Library of Congress. external link Learn more
Image provided by: University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign Library, Urbana, IL
Newspaper Page Text
EV S -
HE "CAME BACK
A few days ago two young ladies
entered a car and found only stand'
"I'm going to get a seat," said one
to her companion. "Now, you see!''
Selecting a sedate-looking gentle-.
man, she walked up to him.
"My dear Mr. Green I" she' exclaim
ed. x "How delighted I am to meet
you! You are almost a sfinger.
Will I accept your seat? Wall, I do
feel tired; I admit. v Thanlc you so
The man rose.
"Sit down, Jane, my.girl," said he,
as he- courteously pointed to the va
cant seat. "Don't often see you out
on a washing day. You must feel
tired, I'msure. How's your mistress?"
"Do you .know .the best thing for
the fingers when they have oecome
yellow from cigarette smoking?" a
young man inquired of a friend. "Did
you ever try using a cheap fountain
pen?" said the friend.
V , fUBR. JOB j
The other day a well-known doctor
was eating lunch in a restaurant and
sitting next to a business man, when
the latter remarked:
"I have seen a case in the tobac
conist! which would interest you.
There js a man theri who has no
feeling at all in his rigrit arm."
"Case of paralysis, no doubt," said
"Oh, no, it isn't; he has been ex
amined by some of the leading phys
icians, and they declare it's not par
"How long has it been so?"
"Over twenty years, he tells me.
He says he'll pay any doctor a thou
sand dollars to restore the natural
"I'll see him," said the M. D. And
when dinner was over they went to
to the tobacconist's and 'the dotcor
"Did this happen all 'at once?"
asked the. doctor. v
"Yes, sir; there was ,no warning
"Does the arm feel dead?"
"Perfectly. You can stick your
knife into it without my feeling it
in the least"
"That's odd. Let me feel it."
'The doctor put out his hand.
made one grip and then turned on his
heel and left the place, his face like
It was a wooden arm.
Neighbor "Come over and Dlav-
with my, boy," called "the neighbor to
the solemn-faced urchin on the fence
b'etweenthe two houses. "Is your
little boyailing for'something?" was
the child's earnest question. "No,
indeed, sonny. ' "Why ? " " 'Cause I've
had my tonsils taken out an' my ade
noids removed, an' my appendix cut
out, an' I've been vaccinated ah' ser-
umized for typhoid an spinal.meriin
gitis, an' I've had anti-toxiri injected,
an' I do hope-1 won't need to have
anything done to me this year, so'
for a while I can.have.a bit o"-f ufiji