Search America's historic newspaper pages from 1836-1922 or use the U.S. Newspaper Directory to find information about American newspapers published between 1690-present. Chronicling America is sponsored jointly by the
National Endowment for the Humanities and the Library of Congress. external link Learn more
Image provided by: University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign Library, Urbana, IL
Newspaper Page Text
: M IT 'SSpTUCtffiSTCDlRTl
" V fVlP-EVeR EXAMINED.'
"Good gracious!" exclaimed the
district visitor. "Do you harbor mad'
men in this village ? " She pointed, to
the subject of her interest a little
man- with very small eyes and large
spectacles, who was dodging from
house to house'like a demented hu
man bee. He approached each door
.witn tne trusting smile of childhood
He leftrwith a volley of language
such) as could only emanate from
long and bitter .experience.
"Oh, nobody takes no notice of
him, miss," answered the old tenant.
v"He's quite harmless :been sov these
"Poor fellow," said the district vis
itor, "And what is the exact nature
of his complaint?"
The tenant smiled compassionate
ly as he replied:,
. ''Optimism,, ma'am. He calls for
the rent every-Monday, and actually
allows mmseirjo fancy ne s going to
get iu v
A. young, and therefore romantically-disposed
lady, :who was recently
staying at anold.farmhouse; had .her
curiosity greatly excited by an action
of her hostess, who used each night
before retiring to place a. lamp in one
of the windows at the front of the
house, which faced tlia only ap
proach to the 'farm. One night her
curiosity got' the better of her dis
cretion, and she ventured to ask the
old lady her reason for so doing, say-
"l suppose you nave a prodigal son
away hi some distant land, and you
place a lamp there nightly so that,
should he return, he will find that
he has. not been forgotten?" '
"Lawks, no!" replied the dame, "I
ain't' got no prodigal son away in
disfant lands, but I have got a prodi
gal husband down at .his club in the
village, who couldn't find his way up
the lane after club! hours without
a light if his" life depended on It!"
An advertising man of Cleveland
was going home one night in a car.
It was late, and the man who sat
next to him began to talk. .
What, business are -you in? he
"The advertising business."
"Is that so? I used to be in the
advertising business myself. Quit it,
though,' and went Into the rag-and-old-bottle
business; got a. horse and
clean up good money every month!"
Tnere seemed to be nothing for the
advertising man to say, sq she said it
-Yes," continued tne -talkative
man, I was in tne advertising busi
ness carried a sign for a clotting .
store for six months. "Say," and he
leaned over confidentially, "ain't it
hard, work when the wind blows?"
Jack What did her father sav
When he entered the room and found
his plump daughter sitting in Your
Jap? Tom He remarked that I had
taken a great deal on myself.