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Newspaper Page Text
write in the name of another man
at the primaries.
While Orlando's challenging,
Powers is going right on sawing
wood at which operation he is some
Chief Justice Baldwin of the Cir
cuit Court publicly thanks the Exam
iner for presenting him with a dic
' Of course we don't know anything
about Baldwin's -need for a diction
ary, but from the way he gushed he
must have needed it pretty bad.
WERE RIGHT ON HAND TO GIVE
OUT A FEW "SUGGESTIONS"
The esteemed (on pay day) Amer
ican, has discovered a system of car
ing for political "lame ducks."
They are to go into Vaudeville.
After showing. how the plan would
work, the" American says: .
"These are just a. few suggestions
of the bill that Chicago might put on.
The program might be extended to
any length." i
Something like this is our idea of
a bill that would be a "riot," and
"knock 'em out of their seats":
Curtain rises, showing Andy Law
rence attired in a costume designed
by Nell Brinkley, intended to' portray,
"All-the-Year-Round Mourning." Re
membering what happened in the last
primary election, Andy with- great
feeling warbles "They Always, Al
ways Pick on Me."
- Roger Sullivan is No. 2 on the pro
gram, and appropriately sings "We'll
Do the Same Thing Over Again."
A hush falls over the audience as
Roger ends his turn. Great. things
are expected from the next perform
er. Guess who he is? The name
"John MceWeeny" flashes opposite
No. 3, and the chief of police takes
the center of the stage.
Now we know why all these great
expectations. The chief is about to
tell a yearning audience. "How to
Catch a Thief."
".Everyone wants to know how to
catch-a thief,"' says the chief in an-
off-hand manner. "Twenty-five years
ago a man was killed on my beat. I
was asleep at the time. It was a
cold night. It is a nice day. I do
not believe it will rain. Everyone'
now knows how" to catch a thief."
After this remarkable act, there
"are loud cries of "Author! Author!"
The .irrepressible (except on elec
tion day) Andy "Lawrence appears
and bows, three times in the direction
of some large advertisers.
Lieut.- Gov. Barrett O'Hara, not a
"lame duck," grabbed the center of
the stage to make a speech about
low wages and white slavery. Andy
Lawrence, who was running the
whole show, hustled to the gallery
and ordered Victor Lawson,- who was
operating the calcium, with O'Hara
prominently in the spotlight, to
The next event was a boxing
match.. Alex McCormick floored Bat
tling Peter Bartzen with a salary
cut, arid the gallery howled "Fake."
When the spotlight was next"
thrown on the stage Judge Olson
and City Prosecutor Mclnerney were
seen in a first-class roiigh-and-tum-i
ble fight Several pickpockets.howled,
gleefully. The fight was going good
when the show broke up because of
an argument between the "spot"
operators. ,Andy insisted that all the
light be turned on Mclnerney. Vic.
wanted to make Olson more promi
The curtain: came down just as.
Andy was about tp soak Victor over
the- head with 'a "10 o'clock Amer
ican," out at 4:30 p. m., sometimes.
"These a"re just a few suggestions
"of the bih that Chicago might be
put on.'-The program-might be ex
tended to.(any length."
The ruling outlay for laundry
should- be 20 to -25 cents per week,
according tothe estimates of those
Chicago" department . store owners;.
But a fellow couldn't keep even a des
cent basque of -fig leaves clean for.
that,-- i -- - " , -