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Newspaper Page Text
MUotf I. TELC YOU
Ivor r io I Give You
V .diss ttitiQUet jAjvj-
.Mn-Jr nt iviuvtu
'Jdiaaen; hid been living in
the house for less, than a week,
when ne took the key to the
agent, -and. said that -he was
leaving as he couldn't live'lhere
1 .What's wrong?" demanded
,the agent: "Isn't" -the house
good enodgh for you?"
"It's too good, mister," was
the reply. "That's just it it's
too good' V
"Too good! What do you
mean?" . '
"Well1 the wall is weeping for
the sins of the roof, which, be
ing jerry-built and teetotal,
.takes nothing:but water. Every
chimney Is a non-smoker. In
fact," concluded Johnson, with
a sob, "that house ain't no place
for an ordinary sinner to live
ini" . i
ARMS AND THE LEIMS
"Oh, yes;I was at the manoeuvres,
right enough," said the talkative
stranger. "I was with the Blue force,
"Really! "And did you have any ex
"Let me see! It was the first day,
so far as I remember. I managed to
catch a couple of Red o'fficers nap
ping, and took them all right."
His companion began to be inter
ested. "Yes. And on the second day,"
continued the talkative one, "I took
eight of the enemy's men while they
were bathing in the river."'
''Ha, haj ha! Nasty surprise for
v "Yes; but my luck didn't desert me
there: As I was returning to camp.
I came across some transport wagons
trying to get past a big gun in a
"Got them, too; I suppose?"
"Oh, rather!" .
."By the way, what are you?"
"Me? I'm a photographer, you
"I say," Jones remarked to a friend
of his one day. "I've got hold of an
awfully good idea ! I'm going to have
a musical box fitted up in the bath-,
room at my hew house. Ripping to
have a bit of music, and all that
sort of thing, to keep you. company
while your splashing about."
His friend didn't seem to think
much of the idea, and some timd
later, when he happened -to meet
Jones again, he asked, somewhat
cofflngly, how the musical box idea
Jones had to adniit defeat.
"To tell you the truth, old man."
he said, "it wasn't much of a x suc
cess. The fact is, do what t would
to it. the plaguey thine always in
sisted on playing 'My- Country 'Tis
of Thee,' and in consequence, of"
course, I had to stand up all the time..