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title: 'The Day book. (Chicago, Ill.) 1911-1917, March 21, 1913, Image 17',
meta: 'News about Chronicling America - RSS Feed',
Image provided by: University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign Library, Urbana, IL
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V . HA-HA! WHY, J6R
Si Xvosewe., una cove J
-LVASHIKB-ton Too fcilq&r
HE CALLED HIM
A bumptious little man, who acted
as steward atjathletic sports, made
himself .very officious1 in keeping the
crowd back. J3e raised the anger of
one of the. flpectators, who thus ad
dressed him, in accents, of scorn:
"Bad ld.bk to you! If the conciet
was knocked out of ybii, you'd be no
bigger than a green gooseberry and
you're as sour as one already."
Van Swagger I say,,.old man, you
have no idea what a. stunning new
car I've got! Why it runs so smooth
ly you can't feel it at all. Not a bit
of noise, no chugging you can't
hear a sound. And it's" positively odor
less can't smell a thing! And as for
speed why, it fairly whizzes You
simply can'tsee it go by." Van Wag
ger H'm, old man! Must be a. fine,
car. Can't feel it, can't hear it,.,can't
smell it, can't see it! How do you
know it's there?"
BE GOOD NEXT TIME v
My friend Harry Jackson is nqt a
good card player. He admits it his
game is billiards. But that was nq
reason why his partner at bridge "tone
evening last week, should read the
riot act to him every time Harry
made' a bull.
After a particularly sad play" the
pestering partner finally turned upon
him with grasping teeth:
.Jackson, why in. thunder didn't
you follow my lead?" he yelled.
Harry was getting a little , peevish.
"If I follow anybody's lead," he re
torted, "believe jne, it'll be.anybody's
His partner snorted and subsided.
But, ik the next hand, after an.inex
cusable bad play, he threw down, his
cards in desperation.
"For the love of Mike, Jackson,"
he cried, "didn't you see me call for
a spade or a club? Haven't you any
black Buit.at all?"
'""Sure," cahie back Harry, with a
delightfully annoying yawn, "tilt Tm
keeping it for your funeral!"'
io o 1 'K 1
The general in command of a field
day during manoeuvres was watch
ing the work of the 'ambulance corps,
and asked the commander of one
section what he was supposed to be
treating a man for.
"Concussion and total insensibil
ity, sir?' was the reply.
"What hive you done?" asked the
'"Given him-some brandy, 3ir," was
the prompt answer.
"Because he asked for it!"
" o o
Paddv was driving home from the
market with his ass and cart when
he was accosted by a police-sergeant,
who charged mm witn overloading
the donkeyl "What weight," he ask
ed, "is. an ass able to pull?" "Faith,
then," answered JPat,- "yourself ought
to know best How .much can you