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shot a policeman? Ah that's dif
ferent. If v that had been plain Mr.
Jones they probably would have, been
No I "can't see' beautiful Chicago
with its loop that ought to be dumped
into the lake, .its, filthy, streets, poor
and in some cases no pavements,
bum lighting, sleepy police, fake
charities," everlasting investigating
committees, every second man a
"hold-up," money-grabbing mer
chants, frightful car service, strap
hangers, awful elevated, bridges
taking thirty' years to build, wide
open saloons (supposed to be closed),
hired thugs that cannot be prose
cuted, smoke, dirt, noise (oh, that,
racket), snobs,- mashers, street-car
spltters, seat hogs,- fake clothing
.sales, fires every minute and yet
with all the reform that is needed,
whenever the public wakes up and'
demands something, the police arrest
some .man for hiring a b6y after
school, the censors cut out a moving
picture because 'the girl shows' her
ankle, or else arrest some famous
picture for being in a. wiridow. The
clergy preach against some show,
(thereby advertising it), etc., and
then the Chicago public fall grace
fully' back to sleep." Good-night! -H.
- THE KICK-OFF- v
With, bated breath the mother
rushed across the football field to the
emergency hospital: '
'"What tidings,"-" she' faltered, "of
my son?" ' "' .
They lo'oked upon her' with comr
"Well, you see," explained the cap-,
tain of the team," t'he lost his head."
Shrieking wildly, she sank to the
"They told me it was only a broken
arm." ""' 1 ,
Poor Secretary 'McAdbo! Cot no
vacancies and yet has 3,000 applica
tions for jobs -in- the secret service
MAKING THE TELEPHONE-MIND
THE BABY r
A Frenchwoman was anxious to
have baby sleep in theppen air'in its
carriage, and at the same time she
was too busy attending to her house
hold duties to stay by the carriage,
and be on hand when the chikl awoke'
or cried. ' She secured an old tele
phone transmitter and connected it
with the. line running into .her house.
She put the transmitter in the car
riage so that thejbaby could not
mafte a sound without transmitting
the cry over the line to the house.
Then the mother went about her
regular duties, pausing once In- a
while to take down tne receiver o&
her house 'phone to listen to. baby.
Tf nnlv resrular breathing was heard
she ;continued her task; if there was
a' cry or a crow she was ready- to-
go to the youngster.
What roof never keeps out th.3.
wet? The roof of the mouth.