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Keep rr upHS
THE ALARM CLOCK.
A, tourist took refuge for the night
ui bub buiiba wa. au uiu laujr. ixc
tasked her to wake him up early in
the morning, warning her that he
-wits quilt; ueai.
? Upon awakening much later than
Ihe appointed.hour, he found that the
old lady, with strict regard for the
oromieties. had sliDned under the
fjKSjdobr a slip of paper, upon which was
'Sir, it's half-past eight"
h He was an idle Irish bcsyrbut he
uau Luc uttiuu wiu ne uau snipped
on board a man-of-war, where he
gftannoyed the boatswain by hisdazi-
fness. Seeing him on the maintop one
morning, gazing iaiy out to sea, the
boatswain called out. to hinK. "Come
down out of that, ye rashcal! Come
tdown out of that, an' Oi'llgiye ye a
idozen whacks "wid me rope. "Fafth,
sorr," replied .the boy, "Oi wouldn't
pome, if ye,voffere'drine two .dozen !" .
TOO NlUcH LIKE HOME
What luck! The dining-room win
dow wasn't even shut. Quietly and
furtively Bill Sikes opened it wider;
then made his way into the house.
But there was nothing of your pol
ished, modern, up-to-date cracksman
about Bill Sikes. Why, his boots
weren't even padded; and, try though
he would, he could not help making
a certain amount of noise.
However, he got to the be'd-room
floor in safety. There he paused, for
he heard a. sound the rustle, it
might be, made by someone moving
in bed, preparing to get up. Then the
notes of a. woman's voice floated to
"If you don't take off-your boots
when you come into this.house," said
the voice, "there'll be. trouble lots of
trouble! It's been raining for three
hours, and I wotft have, mud oh my
carpets! Go downstairs and takex
your boots off at once!"
And Bill Sikes went downstair-.
But he didn't take 'his boots off. I -stead,
he went out intoihe nigLt
again, and even in the dim lamplight
.the pal who was waiting for him saw
a tear glisten In Ms eye.
"I can't touch that house,'' he
sobbed; "it reminds. me too much of
home!" ' "X
' o o
, HER PROTECTOR
"Oh, Clara, we'had a dreadful scar
this morning; a burglar scare!" said
Mrs. Fink. "There was a frightftl .
noise about two o'clock, and I gat
Up. I turned on the light ana looked
down, to see a man's legs sticking
out from under the bed."
"Mercy, how dreadful! The bur
'No my husband's. He had heard
the noise too." .
Father (impressively) Suppose I
should be taken away suddenly, what
would become of you, my boy? Ir
reverent Son I'd stav here. The .
question is, what would become of