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li-Ss V YESS.
Up JUST SHOT)
- "FAR FROM IT
A temperance lecturer displayed to
his audience, two geraniums, The
firsts watered -in" the usual way, -was
a beautiful and -vigorous plant But
thtT other 'had: been dosed with al
cohol, and its foliage was shrivelled
and. sparse, its stem twisted, and its
rfc '-Wow, ladies. and gentleman," cried
Rhe lecturer, what can, you say to
demonstration such as this?"
J '.'K's all right, and if J were a geranium,"-
said 'a shabby man " in the
gallery, 'Td stick to water exclusive-
: but rm not a geranium.
' I n n "
There had been a quarrel between
.two Western editors. But Smith got
the best of Brown unquestionably
hen Brown, who owjied a small
, bought a mule. Smith printed
iParagraph about thispurchase and
t Li'eaded 'it "Extraordinary Case of
SARCASTIC OR NOT?
Not by any stretch of imagination
couia lieorge De caiiea weu-io-uo.
Still, he was a bright young fellow, j . ;
keen and ambitious, what s more he
had -good ' prospects, which, by the
way, Ijad'Jieen enhanced since his
employer's niece tiad promised to
"George," that young lady said to
him one day, "now that we really are
engaged, I do wish you would tell me
exactly how much money- you are
"Of course I will' he replied. "At
present I'm getting $15 a week, but
I'm expecting a raise any day prob
ably a ten-dollar one, too."
And George, delighted -with the
look of astonishment on her face
why, she was" actually impressed by
the magnitude of his earning power!
laid a hand affectionately on her
shoulder, and: "Yes, rdear?" he in
quired. "Do do you think people will -accuse
me of marrying you for your;
TAKING NO RISKS "
"Heinz! Heinz!" whispered Mrs.
Weinerschnitzel; "wake up! There's
a burglar downstairs. I hear him,"
Heinz was out of bed in an instant.
"Hist!" said. Heinz.
St. .3.1.1 1 nM 1, ! V. J
vuuoiy lie Dujjpcu uu ma oiiuea auu . 41
trousers and stole softly frdm. the m
room. The' minutes sped fast. The
wife, l&tehing intently,- heard noth
ing. At last anxiety overcame fear.
The crept to the .stairway, leaned
over the balustrade, and called,
''Well, what is it?" replied her hus
band's voice: It came not from below.
but from above.
"What on earth," asked Mrs. Wein
erschnitzel, "are you doing up in the
attic?" . .
"Why," whispered Heinz, "didn't
you say the burglar was downstah-s?,