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coArse, crushed cork.
yoo HAT SO POR r
IGNORAMUS, VOT voUi
ARE! DO VbO ktiOW
VfT "PARSIMONY" 155?
WHEN QUACK MEETS QUACK
"Well, sir?" said the quack aural
specialist, as he rose to greet a pros
"I've come to claim that one hun
dred dollars you offered if your patent
failed-to affect a cure."
Tire would-rbe man .of science
coughed nervously. Then, "Indeed,
sir?" he bellowed. "Have you really
tried It without obtaining relief?"
Tm sorry tosay that-it'is so,"
replied the stranger.
uan't you near anytning?"
'Only very indistinctly." '
Then I'm afraid you'll Save to be
given-the one hundred dollars." The
words were'said in thVmerest whis
per; 'but before he1 Realized the mis-take4hat-he
was making, the stran
ger had seized 'the quack's hand and
was jourmgvforth.a profusion of'
grateful thanks., .Then he "went sor-
jwf ully away. .
"Ob, I just love this cake," remark
ed little Dorothy, as she regarded the
sugared confectionery in front of, her
with high approval. "It's awfuli
nice!" ? .
"Love cake, indeed!" exclaimed Jier
mother reprovingly. "My deaf child,
"you mustn't say such things. Say
you like the cake, and, instead of.
calling it 'awfully nice,' call it 'good.'
Really you must be more careful
with your grammar. And, by the
way, you should also have omitted
the word 'just.' Now, dear, make
your remark correctly ; then you can
take a slice."
"I like this cake," 'the child re
peated slowly "It is good."
"Yes; that's much better," said
But little Dorothy was .far from
being satisfied. "It sounds, -
though. I were speaking of bread,"
she added, Tvith an air of infinite dis
gust. ONE FOR THE NEWSBOY7 ,
There were some twenty or thirty
people waiting on the platform of tlie
railway station for the "Up" express;
and among them the great comedian
who had just finished an engage
ment at the local theater.
The bookstall humorist, therefore,
was having a great time , running
about the station selling papers;
and doing good business, top. Pres
ently the comedian stopped Him.
"I'say, sonny," he asked, "d'you
want a new job?"
"Yes, sir,"" replied the boy. "What
"Well, my manager is looking for
a lad like you to play the fool."
"Oh; he ,1s, is he?" retorted tho
newsboy. "What's his idea? To fire
you, or keep-two of us?"
"Do you mean to say-that you flirt
with your wife all the everting at the .
maskefi ball and didn't know her?"
"That's bright But she was so,deuced
agreeable how-was I to know-her?" '