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right-now7 is being a British Gabinet
minister. - - - -
Thfe, British suffragettes have killed
no one yet. But it doesn't seem to
be their fault.
Ohe can pply hope, for the sake,tf
the gaiety of nation's, that they kid
nap King Georgel": --
Can't you imagine little Geqrge
Rex, kidnaped . and; held r in . durance
vile by a band, of wrathful young
angels equipped with bombs-?
If Edward were still on the throne'
it would be different.. Ned would
either makeTove to the prettiest kid
naper or kid 'em all into letting
But the little, tirnidj Puritanical,
dignity-loving George, who is hen-pecked
by'hisown wife!' The people
would never qiiitT laughing.
They're going to have orchestras
in Chicago Turkish baths hereafter.
The gents who frequent them to
avoid them morning-after hejads
probably will raise a howrof protest
There's something the matter
with the sense of humor of the Den
ver nurses who poured molasses' in
the hair of, and stuck fly paper all
over the body of 'one "of their numfter
who had become ii bride.
Seeking Dan 'Campbell's job as
postmaster has now-becpme a popu
lar amusement among. Chicago Dem
Why don't they go to J. Ham
Lewis? Ham wouldn't mind adding,
the postmastership to the other 1,000"
odd jobs he has decided to fill.
Hark to the wail of Massachusetts
at the idea of tariff revision begin-v
hing with the wool and cotton
Hear that sturdy old free trader
(before election) , Gov. Poss, express
his, fears that the country is doomed!
Foss gives us a pain. But probably
the pain he gives us is nothing to the
pain he gives"Wilson.
Have you noticed, by the way, what
a lot of talking Wilson is NOT doing?
If the city adrninistration Were on
the square it could find some way to
pay,up- that back- pay owing-ihecityr
Jpiployes -without hurting itself.'
And its a pity when a city as great
as Chicago has to stand ashamed be
fore, the lesser cities and admit it
cantpay its employes what's coming
If only the big guns were "Hocked
nobody would want to make a holler
BUt the big guns are NOT docked,
and all the burden is falling on such
employes, as policeman, firemen and
clerks, who get little enough money
for the work theydo anyhow.
MAN, LOST IN MOUNTAIN, DIES;
KEPT DIARY OF SUFFERING
Liberty, N. Y., April 5. Horace
(Berrjv traveling salesman from
opnngneia, Mass., got lost in moun
tain woods near ..here and, dying of
starvation and exposure, wrote daily
entries of his "wanderings and ad
dressed them to, . his. wife. He was
found-unconseiouB fourmiles north
of hfere yesterday and brought to the
hospital, where he died.
Thes first' entrain, 'his notebook
abiut his suffering, read:
'!My Dear Wife: I"am 'dying. I
left) , Dr. Wfiiowemoe oh Tuesday
afternoon for Liberty. ,1 .tried to walk
through the .woods and make sales
on (he way. ., Thave lost my" way. God
only knows if Icanget out"
' Another saidf. "Wednesdav Have
.had Jonly water to serve niy ieeds.
xiave Ucuieu aim caueu. sun coverea
by clouds, and I,can?t 'find- my way
oiit Company will cafe for you and
The last entry, evidently cut short
by the man's failing strength, read:
"Thursday Have been walking all
night. Will write you la "
Word was sent to the wife in"
First Old Maid Well, you know,
marriage is a lottery, and I truly be
lieve it is. Second .Ditto So do r
But where do you supposeTI could get