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A miniature panic seized the small
station -theeuard of the local goods
,UJ train was suddenly taken ill. Who
-shbuld-flll his place? A promising
young porter was given a trial trip,
"This, is my. opportunity:" he
breathed to himself, "to show them
All went well till the train .came to
an up-gradjent, "when despite all the
efforts, of .driver and .fireman, it was
only with difficulty that the train
mounted the ascent.
At the next stop the driver came to
the guard. -A
"Never remember having so much
trouble with the old engine before,
Joe!' he said. "Do you know I only
just' managed to get her up that
"Yes," said the guard, with a
proud look; "and she. would have
-run back if I hadn't had those brakes
Sorry. BUT E HAYE-TO
ViF t5P HfliU. SIR. BV
tHE WAY -5R, V60 ABE H
urd gektlemam who has "
iyAITCD RiR THAT SAME LAOJ
A PREMATURE AWAKENING
A time-shpnored qustom ordaindU
that the undergraduates of-college
should doff their caps to the dean and
prinoipals -whenever they met outside
the precincts of the establishment. '
One summer morning the dean was
meditatively pacing the quadrangle
of the school, when, to his surprise,
an undergraduate passed him with
out "capping." For a second the dean
survived him blandly; and then
"Do you know who I am?" ,
"No, sir;" stammered the. lad, in
some slight confusion.
"How longjhave' you been in col
lege?" inquired the'ilean.
"Eight days, sir," v
"Ah, that accounts for it," nodded
the "venerable."x"Puppies don't open ,
their eyes until the ninth day, do
they?" v -V;1 . v .
Stepton Blake, the great detecth.
looked critically at the cigar which
he had just accepted from his client
a meeK, trim, paie-iacea mue man.
"I see you're married,; sir," he said;
"that your wife itrvery fond of expen
sive gowns, fashionable hats, and lux-'
unes or tnac sort; tnai
"Wonderful!" gasped the littic
But the detective, still unperturbed,
continued speaking: "You have thr"T
or four daughters who "are equ'all
extravagant, arid'a couple of sons
who spend jusfcas ireely."
'You astound me! But '
Vnii hn.V a. mnrteam . nn urmr
. ' TT . lO-Dr J
house', an overdraft-at the bank, and
just at present--" A
"Yes, yes, exclaimedMJiellttle'man ,
excitedly, "everything is just as Vou
say. But please tell hie how you know
all this." . '
The great man timidly inhaled
some, smoke, then, making a wry
,f ace, laconically remarked:
:j; - t - . . , - " . .