Newspaper Page Text
YJL POtM 1 AF
T (WRITTEN, oiOAR, )
CALI.EO . . -
The ladies had retired to the draw
ing room, and" the gentleman, left to
their coffee and cigars, were discuss
ing the respective charms of English
and foreign beauties.
"Well,", said the host, after mnsf
I of the guests had aired their views,
rrr.-i wm .say tnis. i nave kissed the
I witching French girl, the dainty Jan-
II anese, the, dark-eyedIhdian maiden,
rtne nveiy American miss, and Span
Csh, Italian and Portuguese girls; but
I nrf a'a linn am IAtAni M 11 t
auj tv ia offco cue a w ccicai UL all,
' Then a bronzed, young subaltern
called out from tne -other end of the
table: ' , ' .
?VBy gadl and'that-'Erafact; sir!"
"See that maj?" said one of the
wo people who were talking aboUt
uccess in Me.. "Yes." "Hehas left
ts of people who.struggled to over
take him." "Who is he?" Conduc
tor on a.street car. .
WORKED WONDERS! , .
A traveling vender of patent medi
cines onc put up for the night at
a wayside inn, where some workmen
were indulging in a "friendly "glass"
before parting company for the night.
On learning his. profession, the work
men agreed among 'themselves to
have a little fun at the expense of
the quack. So one of them, who
thought himself the wit of the com
pany, got Into conversation with him,
.and eventually asked mm what he
professed to be able to. cure. '
"Experience, Bir, has taught me to
cure any disease," answered the
quack, looking his questioner full in
"Then . I should be'much obliged tc
you if -you-will cure me of my com
plaint," went on the, wit
"Oh, yes, I will cure you. What is
it you are suffering from?"
"Well, first of all, I am an awfur
liar; secondly, I have lost my appe
tite; and thirdly, I have lost my -memory."
"Oh, well, I can make you all rigbjt
if you will promise, faithfully to take
twelve of my famous 'premier pills
which are quite harmless."
"I promise." ' .
Twelve large pills were.accordingly
handed to the wit,- who took them
"Well, how do you like them?" said
the quack, as the last one disap
peared. "Why. there is.nothing in them but
tallow," replied the wit,
"I am pleased.i;to"leatn that tljey
are so effltacious." '
"What do you mean,.sir?"
"You say. my' pills ;are nqthlng but
tallow. That Is, quite' correct I made "
tliem' from a. candle. So you are no
.longer a prevaricator. Theri again,
your' appetite must nave suaaeniy
Improved to enable you to enjqysuch
a dainty meal: and-as to. your -mem
ory, I warrant you'll never forget tak
ing those pills as long as you llve.r
The workmen had their laugh, bu(
Lnot.at.the quack's expense.