Search America's historic newspaper pages from 1789-1925 or use the U.S. Newspaper Directory to find information about American newspapers published between 1690-present. Chronicling America is sponsored jointly by the
National Endowment for the Humanities and the Library of Congress. external link Learn more
Image provided by: University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign Library, Urbana, IL
Newspaper Page Text
" - LOST ON HIM- - -
1 "Hello, Jim! You're the very man
want to see. I'ye -got a new bne
- "A new what?"
. "A new conundrum." "
"There Isn't such a thing," assert
e.d Jim. "If It's good it isn't new; if
it's" new it isn't-"
r "Oh, stop it, man,- and listen!
What!s the difference between a poet
arid a plumber?''
SJ'A poet and a plumber? That's
3Tasy enough. A poet hasn't any
;money, and a
.Ut'My good chap, you.'re iniles' off
vfife track," his friend '".interrupted.
".This is thetanswer: A poet, pipes a
lav: and a plumber lays a"
-'-"My plumber do"esn't,'i"began Jim.
"He" ; -
VBut there Jim stopped His friend
gfitfa's stalking off, muttering fiercely:
&. "What's the good of telling a joke
j ia. man wiiu iiu mure aeus ui
umor than an ox?"
SOLD OUt AND OUT-
"And be sure to bring back .a bot
tle of sea-water with you. Tfiey say
as how it's so good for the rheumat
ics,'.' remarked" old Mrs. Giles, by way
of final exhortation.-
Then, a moment tiater, the excur
sion train steamed out of the station
on its journey to the .coasts bearing
among its human freight ihe aged
form of Thomas' Giles, a true son
of the soil.
But at the seaside, although amaz
ed by the vastness of .the ocean, fie
did not forget himself so far as to
neglect his wife's behest: So, observ
ing two mariners standing on the
sands, he approached them, and in-j
quired of one of them' the price of a
bottle Of sea-water. . ) ,
"A quarter a bottle, sir," replied ,
the salt, with a knowing wink toward
Cheerfully Thomas paid his quar
terplhen retired inland to' see the
sights and get food. Some two hours
later, having examined the church,
the aquarium, the museum, ana a .
local eating-house, he returned again
to inspect the' sea.
But, lo and behold, where the sea
had been now stretched miles of
sand. Hardly able to believe his eyes,
Thomas1 hastened to. his old sailor
"By' George! You've had a busy
day!" he cried enthusiastically. "Sold
out already! Well, well well!"
One Very wet day a wealthy mer
chant hailed a cab and asked to be
driven to a distant, part of the city,
Qn the way the merchant discovered
that he had forgotten to put his purse
in his pocket What was to be'done?
On reaching his destination, he got
out of the cab and said to the driver,
"Will you please give. me a match?
I have dropped a gold-piece oh the,
floor-of the cab." Iustantly the cah
man whipped up his horse and. soon