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MFtJOR tEHKCELESS UMPIRE.
MERELY WASTING TIME
Now that little George had attain
ed the age of six, the great problem
of his education became the burning
question of the hour.
The family declared that little
George must go to school imme
diately. Little George himself firmly
maintained that he would do nothing
pof the sort, and henceforth the mere
mention of the word "school" had
yery much the same effect as a red
'rag is alleged to have upon a bull
Granny, however, who knew noth-
ing of. this difference of opinion in
e family, ventured to remark one
i "xou ratnec, tells me, George, that
,-you are going to school next week."
"Then father's been talking rot!"
the boy replied. "Why, granny, I
can't read and I can't write; s& what'
good should I do at school, I'd like
HE KNEW BY EXPERIENCE
It was their honeymoon trip, and
they were journeying to Windemere,
where the holiday was to be spent
"Oh, George," she murmured, as,
on the evening of their arrival, they
gazed over the beautiful lake, "isn't
everything simply lovely!"
"What do you say to a row on the
water before breakfast in the morn
ing?" he fondly asked.
"Delightful!" she replied. "And
well send a telegram to ma, saying
what a glorious time we're having!"
Next morning the bride's parents
were slightly startled at their breakfast-table
to see a telegraph-boy at
"I do hope there's nothing wrong,
dear," remarked the lady.
The bride's father went to the door
and came back shaking his head a lit
"Ah," he exclaimed, "they've' be
gun already, my dear!"
"Why, what ever is it?" inquired
the fond mother. 8
"Listen to this, Maria! 'Grand
row before breakfast.' Well, well, I
suppose it had to come some time!"
SILENCING THE PHILOSOPHER
' "Yes," remarked the philosopher;
"deafness is indeed a terrible afflic
tion. But in such cases Nature, you
know, always provides some compen
sation. At any rate, if a man is de
ficient in one sense, he usually hcs
another abnormally developed. Now,
I once knew a poor blind fellow
whose sehse of touch was. positively
uncanny. Really, it served him al
most as well as eyes do a normal
"Sure' said the genial Irishman,
who hitherto had taken no part In
the discussion, "an' I've noticed that,
too! There's a friend of mine; he'c
lame, poor chap, but he can gefabout
'almost as easily as you or I. True,
one of his legs is short, but the other
makes up for it by being three inches
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