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Newspaper Page Text
BY FORCE OF HABIT
s Sandy had come to New York for
tie holidays, and, being solely on
.easure Dent, resoivea tor once in nis
e to do himself really well.
Accordingly, on the day following
his arrival, he entered the grill-room
t&qf a first-class restaurant and order-
a a iamD cnop ior mncn.
After a long delay, the waiter re-
fcturned, deposited a chop of micro-
jscoplcal proportions on the table, and
"I say," bellowed the lusty son of
pjcotland after his retreating form,
- "Voa nir" ranVart fha tmr.n...i.
'-' "" ivuvu UIE UUICIIUI li
"Where's my-chop?" "
- T"he waiter said nothing: merely
hlooked at the Scotchman's nlate. Sn
"fSandy follqfyed his gaze. Then:
- "Sorry!" ne remarked. "You're
auite right At first I thought it was
IglLcrack in the dish!
SPEEDY ANIPRE a
Somehow, the conversation drifted
round to the subject of dreams; from
dreamB to nightmares; from night
mares to somnambulism.
"A rotten habit, walking in one's
sleep!" remarked Mr. Brown, the vil
lage humorist. "Do any of you fel
lows suffer from it?"
Young Smithson, who had always
had a horrid but unfounded fear that
he was delicate, rose to the occasion
"Yes, I do," he remarked, "and
have done so for years. D'you know
"Do I know any remedy? I should
jolly well think I do!" replied the
humorist "Why, IT1 give you the
prescription now, and you can take it
round to an ironmonger."
Young Smithson thought that lus
earsmust playing tricks with him.
"Yes, an ironmonger," said. Brown.
Then he wrote ou the following
prescription: ''One penny box of tin
tacks. Dose: Two tablespoons to be
scattered about the room at bed
time." o o ?!$1RM
One cold, wintry morning a man of
tall, angular build was walking down
a steep hill at a quick pace. A treach
erous piece of ice under the snow
caused him to lose control of his
feet; he began to slide and was un
able to stop. At 'a cross street half
way down the incline he encountered
a large, heavy womanwith'her arms
full of bundles. The meeting was
sudden. Before either realized it
there was a collision, and both went
sliding down hill, a grand ensemble
the thin man beneath, and the fat
woman with her bundles on top.
When the bottom was reached and
the woman was trying in vain to re-i
cover her breath and her feet, these
faint words were borne to hep ears:
"Pardon me, madam, but you will
have to get off here. This is as far
as I go." McCall's.