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The day book. (Chicago, Ill.) 1911-1917, June 09, 1913, Image 17

Image and text provided by University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign Library, Urbana, IL

Persistent link: http://chroniclingamerica.loc.gov/lccn/sn83045487/1913-06-09/ed-1/seq-17/

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! AtRBOT tPiTS AN J-'
II .OUNCE SHORT I'LL HAVE J
Jo riMB Hi to io. y b,
' BR1N6 MB THe 2 W'fJc
FIQAL SCALES. Qk&jL x-N
7 1 I ' NOT TAKING ANY.
SfJ
To little Johnny Briggs, who had
spent all his life in the city, it should
have been a magic time. He actual
ly had been offered the chance of
spending the week-end in the coun
try, but, to the astonishment of ev
erybody, he firmly refused to avail
himself of it.
Coaxing, pleading, arguing, prom
ises of untold wonders, alike brought
nothing from him save only a stub
born negative rejoinder.
"But why won't you go to the
country?" someone asked him at
last ,
"Because," replied Johnny, "they
have thrasjiin' machines out there,
and it's bad enough here where it's
done by hand."
o o
"Do you believe in upward or
downward revision of the tariff?"
"If they revise it on the level it'll suit
me."
'TWAS EVER THUS "
For the enjoymeht of an after-dinner
chat the assorted company that
one meets in a commercial hotel
were settling down in the smoke
room. A flippant looking traveler
was discoursing on the virtues, of the
married man by way of a beginning.
"Yes, it sounds, all right," spoke up
a quiet, elderly gentleman, sitting in
the corner of the room. "But m
give a new silk hat to any gentleman
in this company who can honestly
declare he has not kissed a lady ex
cept his wife since their wedding
day!"
Silence reigned for a while. And
the flippant one looked slightly dis
concerted. Then a shrill, small
voice issued from a bashful young
fellow:
"I think I can claim that hat,"
said the owner of the voice. "You
see, I was only married this morn
ing." '
One of the party began to relate
the story to his wife on his return
home, when suddenly she exclaimed:
"But why didn't you speak up,
John?"
For a moment John was at his
wit's end to know what to say; then:
"But think what a fool I look in a
silk hat, dear you always say so!"
he stammered.
o o
A PROBLEM
A man of a nervous disposition,
calling to see a friend, was alarmed
to see a huge- dog spring out at him,
barking furiously. "Don't be afraid,"
called the owner from the doorway.
"Barking dogs never bite, you know." '
"That's all right!" gasped the guest,
as he backed to the gate. "I know
the proverb, and you know it, but
how do we kribw the dog knows it?"
o o m
"Did you struggle when 'he tried
to kiss you?" "No, mamma." "But
why did you not?" "Why, mamma,
you ought to know from his appear-
lance that he isn't very strong,"

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