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. PAT WAS light;
A minister, who was not averse to
jkn, occasional toddy, hired an Irish'
-man to clean out his cellar. Pat
Loon discovereded a multitude of
vempty bottles, and hope repeated its
specialty of springing eternal in the
human breast. As he was carefully
examining each, bottle by holding it
to the light, the minister saw him,
rand called put;
'"They are all dead ones, Pat,"
"They are, are they?" replied the
Irishman, "Well, there's one good
thing about it, they all had the min
ister with them when they were dy
A countrymen going info one of
e pjg stares, saw for tne first time
n electric fan buzzing busily on the
mnter. He watched it with great
terestior some time: then, turniner
3o the salesman, he said, "Gojly!
That's a lively squirrel you've got in
there, ain't it?"
WQQPEN LEG USEFUL'
Mr. Jones is the possessor of a
wooden leg, and the other day he
was the victim of one of the coolest
requests on record.
Next door to Mr, Jones there lives
a boy who is likely to make his way
in the world, if "cheek" counts for
anything. Mr. Jones was sitting at
his front door one Saturday after
noon when this boy came walk
ing. "If you please, Mr. Jones," he
said, "are you going out today?"
"No, my lad," said Mr. Jones.
" 'Cos I thought if you wasn't, per
haps you'd lend me yer wooden leg
to play ball with!"
IN A HURRY
John Paton had lost bis wife, and
on the morning of the funeral he
called on Jessie Haxton, a former
sweetheart, and asked her to marry
"Oh, for shame, John," says she,
"to be thinking of marriage and yer
wife not buned; go away ww ye."
On reflection She thought she had
been too hasty. So she watched for
John returning from tne graveyard.
She knocked at the window, and
called him in. " 'Deed, John," she
said, "I'm thinking I was hasty this
morning, and now I think 111 accept
"Sure, Jessie, the corpse's cousia
has taken me."
. rfl o
Came Right Sack,
Two physicians, who met for the
first time at a reception, were already
well known to each other by reputa
tion, although each advocated a spe
cial treatment of which the other dis
approved. Said one loftily, as he
sjiook the other by the hand, "I am
glad to meet you as a gentleman, sir,
though J can't admit that you are a
physician!" "And I," said the other,
smiling, "am glad to meet you as a
physician, though I can't admit that
you are & gentleman J"
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