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- -if j S"W'kC v"'
" - " ,J l .-' .
"If you are going to be tiny, it
is a satisfaction to know you have
made a good job of it I didn't even
have the help of heredity in achiev
ing! my smallness; all my people are
bia Sometimes I think mamma
mist have sat on me when I was
Utile; when I was young I mean;
very young. v
'"Young enough to be sat upon
thout minding it," remarked the
"I am so small that I could travel
r half fare all over the country,"
ontinued the diminutive actress.
"I claim to have the smallest foot
vaudeville," concluded the little
dy. "It is well enough to have the
smallest foot if one also has the big
gest sense of humor and courtesy.
I need them all.""
DIARY OF FATHER TIME
One would imagine that on the dis
covery of wireless telegraphy the At
lantic cable would have become ob
solete, but, despite the genius of Mar
coni, the Atlantic Cable Company is
as prosperous as ever. It was about
the year 1850 when men began to
dream of long cables laid upon the
bottom of the sesL In 1849, several
snort cables were laid and worked
Successfully, but these were child's
)lay compared with the spanning of
;he Atlantic, nearly 2,000 miles
icross and in some places 3.2 miles
leep. However, in 1856 the task of
ying a cable from Ireland to New-
bundland was undertaken.
As the cable weighed one ton per
'mile and took up enormous space it
was made in two parts and shipped
on two naval vessels, the Agamem
mon lent by the British government
and the Niagara by the United
States government. It happened
that after the ships had met in Val
encia Bay and the Agamemnon had
laid 330 miles the cable broke and
there was nothing for it but to re
turn to England. In the following
year- &&$ mor attempts. wer$
made, but each time the same acci
On the fourth occasion both suc
ceeded in bringing their ends safely
to land, but after about three weeks
working, all signals ceased. In 1865
the Great Eastern started out with
another complete cable and after re
peated mishaps she returned with
thenews that the cable had broken
and the ends Had dropped in over
2,000 fathoms. In 1866 she went
out again with a brand new, cable on
board and safely landed the other
end on the shores of Newfoundland.
WHEN GOLF GETS A FELLOW
By Berton Braley.
Gob! seems a very simple game,
An old man's hobby, slow and tame.
You can't see how much fun is found
Just knocking little balls around.
And then you try it, with a sneer,
And miss the pesky little sphere,
And wildly swipe the ambient air,
And try agaihrand miss, and swear,
And get excited, stubborn, sore,
And try, and miss, and try some more
And thus, unconscious of its lure,
You find the game has got you, sure.
Then all your leisure you devote
To getting Colonel Bogie's goat,
And all talk of hazards, greens and
And many other things like these
All symptoms of the gob! disease,
Thus, when the eighteen holes are
You come in, ruddy from the sun,
And have your drink, if you are dry,
And sit upon the porch and lie
Lie to your comrades and their
About your puts, your mighty drives,
Of making No. 3 in four '
But most you lie about your score.
They know you lie, you know they
But no one cares to tell you so,
And now, at last, you'd rend and
"Wboeyer spoke gl "gol js feg" '