Search America's historic newspaper pages from 1789-1924 or use the U.S. Newspaper Directory to find information about American newspapers published between 1690-present. Chronicling America is sponsored jointly by the
National Endowment for the Humanities and the Library of Congress. external link Learn more
Image provided by: University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign Library, Urbana, IL
Newspaper Page Text
DOING HIS BEST
Murphy's wife was ill So Murphy
-for he was only newly wed de
tided, on completing his day's work,
to try to make himself generally use
ful in the house.
n Accordingly, he bought a pound of
bacon and a pound of soap, and set
about so he thought to prepare a
savory meal for his ailing wife.
' 'Pfio laffni Timtrmrn-n Diran rn Vint.
Ubed of sickness, detected tne ensuing
Smell, and sniffed at it wondenngly.
, Then, as the odor grew stronger
and more unpleasant, she hastened to
the kitchen as quickly as she could,
"What are -you doing, Murphy?"
"Cookin' bacon," came the blunt
"Bacon, man! Why, that's soap!"
"Then, bedad," exclaimed the
flrishman, "I must have washed me
ishirt wid the bacon!"
IjEHSE DUMHEAdTv ,
pl'T You know Dot all '
'SAIAPLE SHOES 19S J
AFRAID TO MOVE
Robinson, passenger on a fast
train, was fascinated by the de
meanor of the man sitting facing
him. Never a movement did he
make; hour after hour he sat there
motionless, while the train roared
along the metals, his elbows pressed
tightly to his sides, his hands
stretched out in front of him.
"Poor fellow!" he must be .par
alyzed," thought Robinson. And, on
the strength of this, being a sym
pathetic fellow, he was only too glad,
as the train neared Chicago, to con
cede to the stranger's request that he
should take his hat from the rack and
place it on his head.
A minute later the conductor came
for tickets. Again Robinson's ser
vices were requisitioned, this time to
remove the stranger's ticket from his
pocket. Robinson did so; but re
strain his curiosity longer he could
"How did you become paralyzed?"
he asked, in his most gentle voice.
"Paralyzed!" gasped the stranger.
"I'm not paralyzed. My wife sent me
up town to fetch a piece of glass,
and" motioning to his hands "this
is the width!"
HE GOT BACK
A dispute once arose between a
landlord and his tenant The latter
had given notice to move, but would
not put a sign in his window to say
that his house was "To Rent."
To make matters worse, they went
to hear about it. The judge, having
heard the case, made an order for
the defendant to put a sign up with
in fourteen days.
The landlord was so overjoyed at
his victory that on the fourteenth
day he took a friend with him round
to the house to chaff his tenant. The
sign was up in the window plain
enough, but under it was another
sign, which ran as follows:
'Cause of leaving baa drains."