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Newspaper Page Text
UNCONSCIOf j BUT STIL1 AUVE - THE HOLIDAY ACHE A young man descended from the train at a Chicago station, and walked slowly and languidly down the platform, stopping to rest every new moments. His exhausted condition attracted the attention of an elderly gentle man, who inquired if he was feeling ill, or was in need of assistance. "Thank you, sir," was' the reply. "Will you call me a taxi? I feel too tired to walk another step." "My good fellow, what is the mat ter?" inquired the solicitious gentle ; man. "Nothing much, really," came the reply. "I sjiall be all right in a week or two. I'm just returning from my holidays!" o o - REAL BARGAIN, TOO The maiden washed her fluffy hair, Then dried It on a kitchen chair, Was it her own? Why, sure as fate. J5he bought it for six ninety-eight TAKING ALL PRECAUTIONS "I was at a little station in the midst of one of the dreariest and dry est streches of the 'Frisco road," said the Oklahoma man, "when the through express pulled in. As soon as it stopped a little seedy-looking man with a covered basket on bis arm, hurried to the opc-i windows of the smoker and exhibited a quart bot tle filled with rich, dark liquor, "Want to buy some cold tea?" I heard him ask. "The eyes of two thirsty-looking cattlemen in the car visibly brighten ed and they each paid $1 for a bottle. " Wait till you get out of the sta tion before you take a drink,' the lit tle man cautioned, 'or youH get mej into trouble.' "He sold another bottle to a big buck Indian with the same words of warning, and found three other cus tomers before the train started. " 'You seem to have a pretty good thing here for a bootlegger,' I said 4-r Yttm tttVi an h e train "ha e r?laonl peared, 'but I can't see that it -wouldtj make you run any more risk irthese men took a drink before the left' 1 " 'Oh, yes, it would,' said the boot- j legger. 'I'd probably be killed if they j did. You see, what these bottle hail j in 'em was real cold tea.' " o o WOULD NOT DRY UP A truly eloquent sky-pilot had been, j preaching for an hour or so on the- A immortality of the soul. "I looked at ' the mountains," he declaimed, "and could not help thinking: 'Beautiful as you are you will be destroyed, while my soul will not' I gazed upon the ocean and cried, 'Mighty as you are, you will eventually dry up, but , not I!' " o o THE LEGAL ASPECT Gibbs I sang a song at the ban quet last night and everybody shout ed: "Fine!" Dibbs Did any one mention haw i much the fine should have besa , rJ