THE HOLIDAY ACHE
A young man descended from the
train at a Chicago station, and
walked slowly and languidly down
the platform, stopping to rest every
His exhausted condition attracted
the attention of an elderly gentle
man, who inquired if he was feeling
ill, or was in need of assistance.
"Thank you, sir," was' the reply.
"Will you call me a taxi? I feel too
tired to walk another step."
"My good fellow, what is the mat
ter?" inquired the solicitious gentle
"Nothing much, really," came the
reply. "I sjiall be all right in a week
or two. I'm just returning from my
o o -
REAL BARGAIN, TOO
The maiden washed her fluffy hair,
Then dried It on a kitchen chair,
Was it her own? Why, sure as fate.
J5he bought it for six ninety-eight
TAKING ALL PRECAUTIONS
"I was at a little station in the
midst of one of the dreariest and dry
est streches of the 'Frisco road," said
the Oklahoma man, "when the
through express pulled in. As soon
as it stopped a little seedy-looking
man with a covered basket on bis
arm, hurried to the opc-i windows of
the smoker and exhibited a quart bot
tle filled with rich, dark liquor, "Want
to buy some cold tea?" I heard him
"The eyes of two thirsty-looking
cattlemen in the car visibly brighten
ed and they each paid $1 for a bottle.
" Wait till you get out of the sta
tion before you take a drink,' the lit
tle man cautioned, 'or youH get mej
"He sold another bottle to a big
buck Indian with the same words of
warning, and found three other cus
tomers before the train started.
" 'You seem to have a pretty good
thing here for a bootlegger,' I said
4-r Yttm tttVi an h e train "ha e r?laonl
peared, 'but I can't see that it -wouldtj
make you run any more risk irthese
men took a drink before the
" 'Oh, yes, it would,' said the boot- j
legger. 'I'd probably be killed if they j
did. You see, what these bottle hail j
in 'em was real cold tea.' "
WOULD NOT DRY UP
A truly eloquent sky-pilot had been, j
preaching for an hour or so on the- A
immortality of the soul. "I looked at '
the mountains," he declaimed, "and
could not help thinking: 'Beautiful
as you are you will be destroyed,
while my soul will not' I gazed upon
the ocean and cried, 'Mighty as you
are, you will eventually dry up, but ,
not I!' "
THE LEGAL ASPECT
Gibbs I sang a song at the ban
quet last night and everybody shout
Dibbs Did any one mention haw i
much the fine should have besa , rJ
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