Search America's historic newspaper pages from 1789-1924 or use the U.S. Newspaper Directory to find information about American newspapers published between 1690-present. Chronicling America is sponsored jointly by the
National Endowment for the Humanities and the Library of Congress. external link Learn more
Image provided by: University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign Library, Urbana, IL
Newspaper Page Text
Y SO YOO TKlKK. OSGAR
I IS PRETTY NEAR ALL.
LOST, STRAYED OR STOLEN
"Brown," he said, "I want you to
go to Birmingham by the two-thirty.
Put up at the Crown Hotel, and your
instructions will be sent on."
Three weeks later a friend of
j Brown's happened to call into the
i Crown Hotel at Birmingham. He
saw Brown seated at the table with a
big cigar and a cool drink.
"Hello, Jimmy, old man!" he ex
! claimed. "What are you doing here?"
Brown held up a warning fore
'ssnr ne saia; ana men in a stage
whisper: "They've forgotten where
A week later he returned and com
plained, in fluent bitterness, that for
a whole month he had been given no
work to do.
Health sharps are now advising a'
spoonful of clean Sand after each
meal, to aid digestion. Do they think
we've got gizzards in our midst?
THE DIPLOMAT ABROAD
Binks dashed into the little village
postofflce just in time to catch the
last and only post that left during
the day, and, throwing upon the
counter the parcel that he was car
rying, demanded stamps.
That parcel was addressed to
well, it contained prc.ent for a
young lady whose -annual holiday
had come and gone, and who now
was stewing1 miserably in London.
Binks particularly wanted her to
receive the parcel on the following
morning; but the girl in the postofflce
"Can't take that parcel," she said
abruptly. "It isn't sealed."
"Then, I wonder, would you seal It
for me?" asked Binks.
"No," replied the girl, 'that isn't
Binks said nothing. He merely
took up a telegraph form, and wrote:
"Sorry cannot send package. Very
pretty girl In postofflce won't take it
because not sealed."
A moment later string and sealing
wax were forthcoming, and the pari
eel went jf
MEANT WHAT THEY SAID
"Four quarters will procure you
four pairs of socks which can never
be worn out." So ran the advertise
ment which caused Jones, a bachelor,
to spend four quarters on a postal
order. When the socks arrived, Jones sur
veyed them, horror-stricken.
"Socks received," he wrote to the
advertiser. "The patterns are vile.
I wouldn't be seen out with them
Several days passed, and the wrath
of Jones waxed stronger and stronger
each time he regarded the startling
footgear. Again he wrote to the firm,
this time threatening proceedings.
"What are you making such a fuss
about?" came the answer. "Didn't
we guarantee that you wouldn't wear ,
the Bocks out?"
Jones is a sadder and wiser matj