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Newspaper Page Text
WANTED TOO MUCH
At a certain college the male stu
dents were not permitted to visit the
resident lady boarders.
One day a male student was caught
in the act of doing so. The president,
addressing him, said:
"Well, Mr. Blank, the penalty for
the first offense is two dollars, for
the second offense five dollars, for
the third seven dollars, and so on
rising up to $25.
In solemn tones the trespasser
"How much would a season ticket
First Tramp Strange how few of
our youthful dreams come true,
f Second Tramp Oh, I don't know.-
remember how I once yearned to
wear long trousers. Now, I guess, I
wear them longer than almost any
body in the country.
f bo? You can
I PER LAUGHING STOCK I J
DID HE BITE?
"Finest profession on the earth,
sir!" blustered the blunt old army
officer. "Any man that's a man Is in
"Matter of opinion, matter of opin
ion, my dear major," remarked his
elderly listener. "Other professions
offer equal advantages."
As he spoke he glanced toward a
gentleman in clerical attire seated
The fiery old major noted the
"Sir," he answered, "do you know
that, if I had a son who was an idiot;
I would make a parson of him?"
The clergyman present turned
round, with a benign air.
"Evidently your father held a dif
ferent view, major," he quietly re
marked. o o
"Yes," sighed the bride, "marriage
makes a big difference."
Her mother-in-law laughed.
"Can one month's experience real
ly have taught you so much wisdom?
But tell me, child," she added, "what
has George been doing? Is anything
Oh, no, said the girl; 'T don't
think anything is wrong!" She hesi
tated for a minute. "But, d'you
know," she continued, "whenever
whenever I sit on George's knee now,
his foot goes to sleep ever so much
quicker than it used to!"
Had a Reason.
"I hope you don't associate with
that man I saw you speak to in the
street just now."
"Associate with him? What do you
take me for? That man, sir, is one
of the most rascally, corrupt, sneak
ing, underhand, low-down, villainous
and depraved scoundrels that ever
managed to keep out of jail."
"I know it. But why are you on
speaking terms with him at all?"
"Why, I'm er his lawyer."