Search America's historic newspaper pages from 1789-1924 or use the U.S. Newspaper Directory to find information about American newspapers published between 1690-present. Chronicling America is sponsored jointly by the
National Endowment for the Humanities and the Library of Congress. external link Learn more
Image provided by: University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign Library, Urbana, IL
Newspaper Page Text
QUITE A WRONG GUESS
The massive form of a gigantic
-German, rushing recklessly in and
out among the maze of counters in
a large department store, gesticulat
ing wildly, and with huge beads of
i perspiration streaming down his ex
cited, tomato-colored face, aroused
the curiosity not only of all the cus
tomers in the store, but also of the
What was the man doir? Was
he mad"? Nobody knew what to
Presently, however, an enterpris
ing young floorwalker from the
.-clothing department managed to
.grasp the raving Teuton by the arm.
"Excuse me, sir," he asked, "but
t are you looking for something in
"No," roared the German, "not
ffimen's clothing; vimmin's clothing!
i$Iy vife -I haf lost her! She has, as
I -ypu zay, given me ze slip; and oh,
k dear! who knows how much of ze
Kmoney she had spended in zis time?"
"IF. AT FIRST"
Cheerful was the agent and sunny
was the sky, as he stepped into the
private office of the business man.
"I have here, sir," he began, "a
patent glass-cutter for a quarter. I'
"Don't want any glass-cutters!"
snapped a sharp voice behind the
"Well, then I have a carpet cleaner.
In thousands of homes "
"I don't need a carpet cleaner!"
"Ah, perhapsnot! But this phono
graph will certainly interest you. Its
entire cost is " .
"I hate phonographs!" thundered
the voice behind the desk.
"Indeed, sir! A camera no doubt
meets your recreation needs. On
ly" An ominous growl stopped this lit
"No. camera today? Does a fast
motor-car appeal "
A ery face was pushed over tho
"For goodness' sake, stop! Give
me a glass-cutter, and get out of
"Thank you, sir!" said the agent.
"That's all I had to sell in the first
"Waiter," grumbled a customer, "I
should like to. know the meaning of
this. Yesterday I was served with a
portion of pudding twice the size of
"Indeed, sir," rejoined the waiter.
"Where did you sit?"
"By the window," answered the
"Oh, that accounts for it," said
the waiter. "We always give people
by the window large portions. It's
HE COULDN'T MISS THAT
She Fancy, after buying me a hot
bird and a cold bottle, that you didn't
get any of the bird!
He Oh, yes, I did. I sotthebjl