Search America's historic newspaper pages from 1836-1922 or use the U.S. Newspaper Directory to find information about American newspapers published between 1690-present. Chronicling America is sponsored jointly by the
National Endowment for the Humanities and the Library of Congress. external link Learn more
Image provided by: University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign Library, Urbana, IL
Newspaper Page Text
VCUVVESS.SOMEYCfr. VN IStoN
( "CHEWWM", H6 ALYAYS DINKS n )
- I 155 A VERB INSTEAD OF A
SUITING HIS CONVENIENCE
., From China comes the news of an
assassin who, after shooting the
wrong man, wrote and expressed his
sorrow to the dying victim, and
hoped that he would have "perpetual
rest." This is polite, but the high-
water mark of courtesy was, per
haps, reached by that governor of the
Bombay jail who, wishing to alter the
time of an execution, wrote to the
. condemned man:
' "The governor presents his com
pliments to Mr. , and desires to
know whether it would suit his con
venience equally well tQ be hanged
at 10 a. m. instead of 1 p. m."
A quack, doctor was holding forth
about his "medicines" to a rural au
dience. "Yes, gentlemen," he Baid. "I
have sold these pills for. over twenty
five years and never heard a com
plaint. Now what does that prove?"
From a voice in the crowd came:
"That dead men tell np tales."
KNEW HE WAS RIGHT
A menagerie was coming to the
town, and every fence within a radius
of five miles or so had been billed
with the usual lurid announcements.
Two .yokels one old, the other
young were gazing at the bills and
"Roosevelt and Ritchie's circus.
The biggest show on earth," read the
"What what's that?" asked' the
old fellow quickly.
The other read again the legend
of the showbills.
"You don't know what you're talk
ing about. That show kain't touch
John Robinson's. He used ter cum
here, and that there was a show wuth
seein . it was tne Diggest snow on
this vere earth.''
The" old man had evidently not
been to a circus for many years.
"Read it for yourself, then," said
the young yokel. "I tell'ee that thing
say3 this is the biggest show on
The old man proceeded to spell out
the big letters. He waded through
"Roosevelt and Ritchie," and after a
rest began on the remainder of the
sentence: "B-i-g-g-e-s-t s-h-o-w o-n
e-a-r-t-h, S-e-p-t. 1."
"I knowed it! I knowed it!" shout
ed the old man, jumping up and
down in his glee. "The biggest show,
' 'cept one,' and that there one was
A callow sport, very loudly dress
ed, ordered a veal cutlet The waiter
brought the order. "I say," bawled
the sport in a loud voice, "do you call
this a veal cutlet? - Why, it's an insult
to a calf to call that a veal cutlet."
"Beg pardon," said the waiter, polite
ly, "I didn't mean to insult you, sir."
At a wedding breakfast jl gentle
man noted for his lack of tact rose
to propose a toast. "Ladies and gen
tlemen," he said genially, "I propose
the health of the bridegroom. May
he see many days like this!"