Search America's historic newspaper pages from 1789-1924 or use the U.S. Newspaper Directory to find information about American newspapers published between 1690-present. Chronicling America is sponsored jointly by the
National Endowment for the Humanities and the Library of Congress. external link Learn more
Image provided by: University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign Library, Urbana, IL
Newspaper Page Text
( OSdAR iss , I
A KILL-T!!' l&br
Two spiders who dwelt in different
parts of a church one day chanced to
meet, and got into deep conversation
,and asked One another where they
I "I live under the pulpit," said No.
1, "and every week I always think
I shall he eefctlntf billed. The nnmnn
Slangs his hand down, and I have to
h?get into the smallest corner I can find
!or fear of getting squashed."
"Oh," said No. 2, "you ought to
:ome and live with me. I never get
disturbed from one year's end to an-
"I live in the poor box."
Fat Man (with heavy hamper)
Here, my boy, whatH you" take to
carry this to the station for me? Boy
(after a mpnienfa consideration)
pj.rd take a bus', sir. .
MUST BE POLITE
There is rather a good story cur
rent in connection with a lady prin
cipal of a girls' college. Intercourse
between her pupils and the boys who
attend a neighboring school is strict
ly forbidden, but one morning the
lady principal beheld a small boy and
girl in conversation. She recognized
the girl Immediately, and commenced
the attack as follows:
Lady Principal (majestically)
Little girl, have you ever been Intro
duced to this little boy?
Little Girl (trembling) No.
Lady Principal Little boy, have
you ever been introduced to this little
Little Boy (defiantly) No.
Lady Principal (sternly) Then
you must understand that it Is ex
ceedingly unpolite to speak to any
one without a proper 'Introduction,
Little Boy (interrupting) Then I
think it s rather cheeky of you tj
speak to me!
The lecture was put off until an
DOING HIS BEST
It was a hot, sultry afternoon, and
the boys In the class all were fldget
tirig attd lazy. This only made the
teacher, irritable on account of the
heat, even more irritable.
Johnny Brown was reading alou'J,
and reading very badly.
"The captain," he exclaimed, stum
bling painfully over the words, as : i
stood on the bridge while the big.shi
ploughed her way through the fog,
suddenly espied a "
Johnny paused. The next word
was altogether too much for him.'
"B-b-b-b-ba " he stuttered.
"Barque, boy!" roared the teacher.
Johnny glanced pitifully round tlio
class-room then at the master, the i
at the book. Then- he opened his
"Bow-wow!" he replied. "Bow