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Newspaper Page Text
A TERRIBLE ACCIDENT
The tall, angular man in the wide
"brimmed felt hat was evidently from
the canny North" on a pleasure trip.
"Toot! toot!" came the blast of a
motor horn, and in a moment the vis
itor was bumped ignominously into
Happily he was uninjured. With a
''ferocious yell he started to his feet
Jand simultaneously reached back his
hand to his hip pocket
"Hey, don't shoot 'em!" yelled the
spectators in prompt apprehertsion.
A'You can have 'em arrested, and can
,then sue them."
The man still kept his hand in his
,hip pocket, while a look of impotent
rage flashed across his face, and he
Jooked at the vanishing car.
"Their number is 8,040!" cried a
Jawyer, bustling up. "I'll be your
lawyer in this outrage.
' "Oh, it ain't that, gentlemen,"
drawfed the visitor. "I wouldn't mind
this accident, but for one thing."
"But why have you got your hand
thrust threateningly into your pistcl
pocket?" "That's the worst on it," he sai ' ;
"I had a bottle of the best Scotch
whisky in that pocket, an' now it's
all running to waise!"
TIT FOR TAT
Among the peculiar marriage cus
toms of the world may be classed
that which prevails in Brittany.
When the wedding ceremony is over
it is the practice for the lord and
master to give his bride a sound box
on the ear, and say as he gives it:
"That is how it feels when you
make mp vexed."
After this most unlover-like pro
ceeding he greets her with an ardent
kiss, and tenderly utters the words:
"And thus it feels when you treat
A Breton once had the temerity to
link his fortunes with those of a Ger
man lass, and, nothing daunted, gavo
her the usual salute on retiring frc t
the altar. But he had mistaken b i
girl; and the stout-hearted dams. .
ignorant of the custom, did not wait
for the kiss, but dealt her swain a
resounding, clcuif on the side of h-s
face and'exclaimed with emphasis:
"Look here, Jean; you had better
understand once for all, I'll have none
The young fellow, sadder and
wiser, rubbed his cheek, and left tho
church with the settled belief th t
he had, without doubt, a better fcL"
who would stand no nonsense.
"My brothers," said a stump ora
tor, "in all inflictions and troubles
there is one place where you can al
ways find money and sympathy."
"Where? Where?" shouted several
in the crowd. "In the dictionary!"
replied the orator.
Job A man never loses- anythir
by keeping his engagements punc
tually. Bob I don't know. My ex
perience is that he is apt to lose half
an hour waiting for the other fellow.